I am a wildflower
Though I’ve tried not to be

I’ve tried to grow straighter
And properly be

I’ve lived through storms and I’ve lived through drought.
There have been times when I’ve wanted out.

But I’m rooted here deeply, this is my place.
The rain at my back and the sun in my face.

I know who I am and I stand proud and tall.
My bright colours glistening as I sway in the fall.

I am a wildflower
Though I’ve tried not to be

A garden flower’s life is just not for me

My roots are deeper
And my soul is more free

I can’t be your perfect flower
I have to be me

You promised if I sat that a story would come – the truth. That it would be unveiled to me through myself if I just trusted and disengaged for a moment.
Well I’m here and I’m waiting, please speak.

I am infinite sadness and infinite joy rolled together in an unending spiral of pain and love and life and misery. Needing one, to have the other. I will not stop spiraling until I’m done. Your choice is to come with me or to resist me, to accept me or to fight me. Whatever you chose to do it will not change the journey, it will just colour how you see it, how you feel it, how you live it.

Your instinct is to run, until you are free but you can never be free, not really. Staying and accepting feels crushing, depressing, unending but if you could just embrace it would it really be that bad? To surrender yourself to the truth of your life and to live it, afraid but unafraid in your truth? You are trapped, but only by yourself, set yourself free by letting yourself just be.

You are human.

Is this really a quality I possess?
Or a choice I may select?
It feels as though I'll annihilate every chance I have of touching it.
As though I don't believe in it at all.

I don't think I do.
Because if I did I would accept happiness,
Embrace it.
Instead of constantly seeking proof that it doesn't exist.

First the wave falls
Even and Rhythmic

But slowly, overtime,
It grows, cosmic

Influences pull it
and rise it high

It grows strong
But knows not why

It looses itself
To nature's touch

Its rhythm distorted
Its force too much

But time heals all
And sense will recall

Returning the sea
To its natural rise and fall

Here’s what I think we should do.
I’ve so many ideas and I know you do too.

So why don’t we combine them? Come with me.
I’m sure we’ll find them.

I know, we’ve both known all along.
You can find all truth with just one song.

So write you Silly Billy. Do!
Write for me. It’s right for you.

You know that you’ve a truth to tell.
Not one to learn but one to expel.

You’ve learned what you need to know.
The next step is to let it go.

Do it now and do it well.
As well you know that not doing it is hell

This is you.
This is your life.

Go.
Write.

It’ll all be alright!

A wave will roll and roll again
It does not wait for love or men.

It is as it is, wild and free,
Untameable just like you and me.

A wave is strong and true and real,
It cannot stop, it can't but feel.

We too are strong and true and real,
We cannot stop, we can't but feel.

Though oft weighed down with the heft of life
We will roll on, defeat our strife.

Again and again we must feel our pain,
Live our lives, feel insane

Like the wave, we make our own way
In our chosen direction, it's all okay

You see there's no wrong or right,
Black or white, good or *****

It is what it is, like it or not,
It's not who you know or what you've got

It's all about you and the wave in your soul
Who knows where it's going, who tries to cajole;

Your practical, logical, stoic old mind
Laps at its ankles, dares it to find;

It's reason, its purpose, it's meaning on earth
Your life's own truth from the moment of birth

It's in you, it is you, believe it or not,
Jump into to the wave, live what you've got.

It will not be perfect or easy, that's true,
But it is what you make it, it's all down to you

So stop sitting and wondering, with your feet the sand,
Stand up, step forward, reach out your hand

Grab hold of that wave and follow it's course,
At the end what you'll find, without any force;

Is your truth, your wisdom, your beauty, just you
Start swimming your soul, your wonder is true.

There’s a force of nature inside of me
Bursting through my being
Willing to be free

It has been building all of my life
It hasn’t stopped fighting
Through good or through strife

I feel it is time now, or even beyond it,
For this force to break through me
To be given life and to live it

I pray to the Universe for this to take place
To aid in this rising
To strength, freedom and grace

But as I pray, I know the reality
If I’m not active in this
Then I’m my own casualty

This force I am and this I will be
Like an untamed wind
Running wild and free

Truth in my soul and wind in my sail
Whatever comes at me
I know I’ll prevail

What is inside me is honest and true
So fly free inner nature
I will follow you

A life is woven from minuets and years

Disasters and celebrations

Laughter and tears


Everything has it’s place in a lifetime tale

When it’s good, when it’s bad

When you triumph or fail


All of these moments make your story your own

Your own personal tapestry

Your life alone


So go out and weave it, tell your story to all

Whether or not it’s all possible

Is completely your call

Now and then the light shines through
Breathing fresh air and life anew
Strong and bright and full of hope
Granting reprieve and time to cope

It's then we know and understand
All that's real and not just planned
Illuminating faith in troubled souls
Growing young not growing old

The sun clears troubles, heartache and pain
Free yourself from your internal rain
Raise your face to greet the sky
Feel the warmth and with love cry

And smile and breath and love and be
The sun glistens with the truth in me
Trust it, feel and accept it all
And with this in heart and mind and soul
We will be and that is all

I wander deep
On the margins
To where I knew I was,
I am

No longer longing to be,
My hopes have been realised
In me,
I am

All revealed was always there
Now I can,
Now I will,
Now, I am

I am ready
It is now
I've waited and worried
I don't know how

How I know

But I trust my gut
Lift my head
And raise my foot

The step that I have longed to take
Is finally here

I am awake

Love is not finding someone without flaw.

Everyone is flawed. Its human nature.

Love is knowing your someones flaw and choosing to accept it.

Because living with the flaw is intrinsically better than living without that person.

This is life.

This is love.

Yawn
            Stretch
Breath
          Doze

Only the sleeping infants know
...of it's hidden magic

The peace in it's stillness

Light in the dark

Truth in their dreams

Strength in their heart

They accept it's unfolding
Powerful in their powerlessness

Showing us The Way
As we show them ours

Star in the sky, winking at me. Tell me your story. Will that set me free?
Why am I still searching? Will I ever know? Someone must tell me so I may go.

Question no answer. Lost in the dark. Floundering about, leaving no mark.
How can  I fix this? What should I do? Who am I and how do I find you?

People meander, like fish in a bowl. Swimming and swimming with no end goal.
Yet they keep going, unfazed by the pain. I can’t understand what is to gain?

Where am I going? What will I do? Should I keep swimming and floundering too?
I hoped for much more but perhaps this is it,  accept what you have, own your own ****.

All  I can do is sigh with bemusement. I can’t move forward. My mind simply refuses.
There is  no round up to this poem/story/rant.  I want to be myself but it seems I just can’t.

I want to know me, be true and be good. But all I seem to do is  dream about “could”.
Another sigh for good measure, thrown out into space, at least I’ve written something, saved some face.

From a wish
To the wings
Of a breath

To a candles flicker and
Flame's sudden death

Travelling smoke trails
As it dissipates
Into the ether
In good faith

And the wisher
Filled with hope,
Waits

New, exciting, warm,
Gently intoxicating.

Passionate, strong,
All encompassing.

But on a backdrop of unbridled,unrestricted independence.

Fresh and familar
Like a warm breeze on a spring morning.
Sweet birdsong soft in the air,
The echoing of past hopes
Floating their way to the horizon of a dawning adventure just about to begin.

Life forever comes in waves,
Of love, of sorrow, of joy, of pain

Seize each experience,
Live it, it's real
Dive in and explore,
Feel what you'll feel

For all won't be pleasant
Nor will it be clear
But life's not to be lived in bliss
Or in fear

It's here to be tasted,
Touched and caressed,
Each moment embraced
Each lesson professed

You are alive,
How lucky you are!
Immerse yourself completely,
You're your own guiding star.

And if you can do this,
If you are true
The waves of your life
Will lead you to You

Float along,
But grow as you go

You can learn to swim
But must accept the flow

Choose your path
And let it choose you

It's a combination of what is
And what you do.

If it's meant to be,
Then so it will.

Accept

Love

Be here

Be still

Experience fell upon me,
Offering a new cloak, a new journey,
A new perspective.

It did not come at once but gradually,
Testing and teasing,
Evaluating my worth, my willingness,
My will.

It is still unraveling before me, daring me to dance, to follow,
To love

And I will,

Because only in living can I live,
Only in being can I be,
And only in loving can I trust, hope and flourish.

The destination is the journey, and it will continue as I do.
Becoming as I become.
Being as I am.
Me.

It's all there for us to know but first we must not know,
We must learn, we must grow, we must live.

The tears of a clown
Silently spill
Behind the makeup
Internally

The world cannot see
Truth masked in smiles
The fool to all
But really to himself

Pain shielded in mire
Hilarity the cloak
Protecting truth,
The Shadow

Which lives in all of us,
But in none so obviously
As when it is not visible,
At all.

Release this shadow
And diminish it's power
Relinquishing the truth,
Is all that will relinquish you
And ultimately save you,
From yourself!

I wish I was a ladybird
Scuttling on a ledge,
Never thinking, never worrying,
Just living on the edge.

Free to stay or free to fly,
Whatever I decide,
The world is what I make of it,
I simply ride the tide

But I am like that ladybird,
Free to fly and go.
Do I need to get the timing right?
No!

Jump! Fly! Go!

Swirling, Twirling, Whirling mind
Chasing answers you'll never find

Release that light inside of you
Let go of suffering and just be true

It's all there for you to find
If you sit back and trust it, blind

You're made for the world and it for you,
It'll all unfold, no need to pursue

The time is now and now's the time
Jump in, begin, it's yours and mine.

Bright and Beautiful
Big and Bold
Lighting up Everything
You can never be told

But somedays it's harder
To smile and to be
Somedays you need solitude
Just to be free

Just as the sun sets
To bring in the night
So must your soul set
To let in some light

To rest and recuperate,
Reflect and convey,
But tomorrow you'll rise again,
Another new day.

Floating overseas,
No one direction,
Following the ebb and flow
of my heart

Alone but surrounded,
Uncertain but sure,
Where next? what next?
Home? Where's that?

Where my heart is happy,
Where my soul is free,
Where that balance is found,
Is where I will Be.

Busy, bustling, speeding light
Continuous, unstoppable, heavy plight?

Accepted, acknowledged, in the mind.
The body endures but is not blind.

Order in disorder. Life in death.
One foot after another, deep heavy breath.

Possible in impossible. Nobility in strife.
Beauty in chaos. Suffering in life.

What is, is now. Who knows what will be?
In acceptance of this, one is free.

Embrace, belong, whether high or low.
Only you know your truth. Live it. Jai **.

If I keep writing, what will be revealed?
Nothing I'm guessing but it it seems I cant yield.

Am I a poet? Or is this a new fad?
All I can tell is that the rhyming is bad.

I don't know the rules or the technique,
But I can't stop the scribbles, no matter how meek.

It's a natural thing, a way to express,
But part of me just see's a terrible mess.

I am a dialectic, whatever that is.
Two opposites combining, one mind in a tiz.

A poet, an artist, a creative being
Married to a stoic, logical, seeing;

All sides of everything, large and small
No black or white, just grey over all

So that's where there is a difficulty,
For I know not what I'm supposed to be

But sometimes I feel different in my creative side,
This part is sure that it is up for the ride

But the stoic, the practical, the logical me
Reprimands my free spirit, say's it's best not to be.

A war has been raging inside of my soul,
One side of me buried like a lost blind mole

The other side leading with logic not spark,
We're moving and moving but still in the dark

If we walked together, trusted, believed,
Then there would be no panic, there'd be blossom and seed.

Together to freedom, together to truth,
Living in harmony til long in the tooth

Both sides need work and both sides need space,
But both will be represented by this one face;

Smiling and free, contented to be,
Who she is, who she was, who she ever will be.

Bruises and memories fade,
Both reminders of fun and mistakes made

They will evolve eventually,
As will I, as its meant to be

Without mistakes there'd be no growth,
To learn from them I take an oath

The future's bright and so am I
Life's to be lived and not just to die

As the rain pelts down this New Years Eve
I form a gentle smile at my reprieve

The rain has pelted in years before
Years in which my soul would in anger roar

Lost in the wilderness of my stormy mind,
Buried in a body to which I hadn't been kind

Screaming and wailing, unnoticed, ignored
In a body forgotten, in a mind grown bored

But as with everything a change eventually came,
A chance to delve into sorrow or to remain tame

I opted for sorrow in search of some light
The only path meandering out of my dark night

There were battles and mountains, scratches and falls
Moments of despair and unanswered calls

But onwards I stumbled, tripped, crawled and fell
Finally out of my own bleak and self created hell

Tender, deflated, worn but with hope
Growing, understanding, believing I'd cope

And now I sit on my bed in this years final rain,
And remember fondly my journey, my aching, my pain

I travelled it, lived it, each high, each low
And now sitting here I smile, because I now know

It's me, It is I, She who's empowered
I who can choose to be me or a coward

It's not what becomes of us or where we each go
It's within us all, it's what we all know

I can't change my past years nor would I want to
They're my foundation, the reason I found you

The strength, the beauty, the wisdom in me
I've finally accepted it and set it all free

So I'll begin this New Year unlike those before
With no big promises but with love at my core

For myself and my loved ones, for both friend and foe
Showing compassion for all with what I now know.

The rain has abated and now I must sleep
Content in my soul, happy and deep

Light after darkness, smile after tear.
What we seek lives in each of us, Happy New Year.

Sit, Breath, Smile,
Awaken

It is time,
You're not mistaken

You have given time
and patience

Now receive
Your well due payment

Your freedom has always been within,
Now you know, you're free of sin.

So arise and smile,
Begin and Be

You are here,
You are Me.

Acceptance
Is the only key

So live and love
I set you free

Is it in love?
Or is it in poetry?
Is it in music?
Or some other great artistry?
Is it in nature..
Hiding, exposed?
Or is it right here,
Just under my nose?

If I can smell,
And see, touch and taste,
And even hear it,
Then is it the case....
That I can do anything,
Be who I choose?
If all is nothing then
I've nothing to lose!

So why scribble on
Unsure and confused,
If it's here should I grab it
And put it to use?

Or is it my scribblings,
Unclear as they are,
The very things guiding me,
My bright northern star?

And if I keep scribbling
Will I scribble the truth?
The truth of my purpose,
however uncouth.

So I'll keep on scribbling,
For it's all that I know,
And maybe one day,
Deep into my soul I will go.

And there it will be,
Worthy and Strong,
Asking how I could ever
Pretend I was wrong.

We come from the Darkness
Into the World
All of Experience
Slowly unfurled

Alone but surrounded
We walk our own paths
Searching for meaning
It’s all up for grabs

It can be treacherous
Or it can be fun
How One perceives it
Is all down to One

So go out and search
Be true to your heart
Life is for living
Not for falling apart

And it may seem hopeless
It may seem taboo
But what it seems, what it is,
Is all down to You.

This rambling message
Isn’t meant to make sense
Just to inspire
And to end all pretense

Why we’re here is unknown
That is all we do know
And all we can do
Is “reap what we sow”

So scatter and plant
Delve into your life
This is the point
From where You end all strife

Believe and dream
And be who You are
Whether those dreams
Seem near or seem far

Your destiny is yours
And yours alone
Even if life
Seems a circuitous poem

“Live and let live”
“To thine own self be true”
Let all of these words
Have meaning for You

Hear wise words
And absorb them
For all gods
Are just men

Be your own God,
Your own light,
Your own hope,
In each dark night

Believe, be courageous
There’s great in us all
“A person’s a person
No matter how small”

This bridge was first a beacon,
A glowing light of hope
Taking me somewhere new
Letting me elope.

I trusted it, felt it,
Made it my home
But now the lights are fading
I'm once again alone

The bridge is old now
Worn away
With holes and rust
Its had it's day

I cannot stay here anymore,
My comforts changed,
My needs are more

But I know this bridge has brought me here,
Through dark nights of painful fear

I must be brave, depart and run
Whats up ahead is what I've won

My candle has blown out again
But it will reignite

Though as I sit here in the dark
I see no end in sight

The pool of black it drowns me,
I'm all alone once more

There is  no way out of this toil,
No ship to take to shore

I must wait now, patiently
even though time stands still

Wait and breathe and stay afloat,
til once more with hope I fill

Buoyant again, for a time at least
Until day turns to night

My candle has blown out again,
but it will reignite

Rising, Rising,
I thought you'd forgot

Building, Building,
You give all you've got

Why now all of sudden
Are you back in my life?

Twisting my logic
And causing me strife

I won't do this anymore
Try as you might

But for me this is over,
This stops forever
Tonight.

I look at you,
I see you,
I touch you,
I feel you.
Yet though I want to,
I don't know you.

I wish we were free,
Unashamed, could just be,
But there's a crevice between you and me.

Sometimes big, sometimes small.
But unless through it we fall,
Arm in arm,
Eye to eye,
For once bearing all,
We remain strangers,
Staring, touching from a ridge,
Each searching aimlessly for a bridge.

Together we really can accomplish anything we want.
We will be happy and carefree, drinking from the same font.

Intertwined in happiness
As once we were in mire,
Clasping one another’s hands,
Kindling flame to fire

The future awaits us,
It’s calling out
And though we are afraid
We must look toward the dawning light
And for each other
Be brave

It begins today this union,
That will forever last,
Based on all we once knew
In our far and distant past

So come with me new old friend, let’s dance away our fear
Together we will do it all, the future now is here.

A wave of calm
From heaven sent
Eases the pain
Makes it relent

Inhales all possibility,
From life, from hope,
From you,
From me

A wisp of air
Against a hardened shell,
Carrying promise,
Escape from hell

Maybe just passing
On a journey elsewhere
Or perhaps a playful nudge
Follow if you dare

Alone, breathless, tired
Unable to cry anymore

I have cried and cried again
My heart and lungs are sore

I've numbed myself with tears
And while waiting for them to return

I think and pray and hope I suppose
For comprehension I yearn

I know I'm not alone in this
Though that's not how it feels

I want to change this awful cycle
But more pain is all it yields

For now I must embrace it,
what else am I to do

Maybe tomorrow it'll all make sense
Tomorrow I'll be true

Bustling confusion,
Nervous trembling,
What now? What next?
Being put to the test.

Unsettled, unsure,
Feels just like before.
But is it?
Or can it change?

New, Fresh, Hopeful.
But ready? I don't know.
Forward or back?
I know the answer but can it be?

It seems, once again, it's all up to me.

Not acknowledged  but known,
Silent until fully grown.

Starting small as an untaimed seed,
growing and blossoming, borne of need.

Purpose uncertain, origin unsure,
Reaching out of nothing, innocent and pure.

What have I embarked upon,
Perhaps I'll never know.

But I'll happily follow on this fresh new path,
and just enjoy the show.

Heavy, Hazy, Heat
Stifling,
Brewing, Building, Burdening

It has arrived,
spinning, swirling, emotional coil,
spiraling out of control,
strengthening, getting closer now,
all hope lost as fear takes over,
the end is nigh,
tension high,
where do we go from here?

And suddenly it stops,
Gales reduce and pressure drops,
All is still, calm, a slight chill
Hope on the horizon now,
The light returns, remembering how,
All is fresh and clean and new,
I can return to finding you.

Blemished by the experience
Worn and fatigued
Murky and uncertain
Static, unfree

Scrubbing at the past
until it begins to clear
Soaking in the truth of things
Clarity is near

Stepping out and drying off,
toweling away all the debris
Fresh and fragrant now I stand.
Ready, a new Me.

Uncertain, maybe sure
Thinking, waiting,
hoping, wondering,
mine not yours
Ours...maybe not

The in between unending
Yes or No, stay or go,
together or apart?
Head or Heart?
Which will set me free?

Unmoving, inaction,
Right or Wrong?
Do I know, do I care?
Unimportant? Unfair?
Unanswered, pressure mounts.

Experimental, wait and see.
Fear and curiosity,
Only these will lead to me.
Must be brave, set me free.
Moving on, becoming me.

Sleepy smile,
without thought or intent,
just pleasant,
uncomplicated affection
lingers with a warmth
surrounding me
with my own sleepy smile,
as I lie alone
but with you
making your way
to my heart

Drip Drop Splash
Thought trickling in transit
descended from where,
from what?
To where? For what?
For good, bad or squat?
To follow or to watch,
To be pursued or forgot,
Intelligent or not
They fall into the eternal pool
Whats next?