يقولون صبرٌ جميلٌ
صبرت و سوف اصبر
يقولون الصبر مفتاح الفرج
صبرت و لا زلت اصبر
أمطرت صبرا
شربت فنجاناً من الصبر
غرقت ببحر من الصبر
نمت و ما أيقظني الا الصبر
وجده يعدد لي ههمومي و يقول لي انا حلولها
صبر جميل؟
نفاذ صبري لا يرى الجمال
ولا فنجاني يقرأ لي حروفه
اني اغرق بوعود الصبر الكاذبة
سأجد بقعةً دافئةً تواسيني
فالصبر مجرد وهم
كذبة اشبعتني دقّاً على كتفي
و اكْتفيت بها لسنين
فهي ليست لي الان
لا ارى كلمة تواسيني
ولا سحابة تمطر
فبدل الصبر و الحروف الهائمة
سوف أخطو خطواتِ العمى

يكويني تكونك فكوني كوني
الا في تكونك يكتمل تكوني

Overflowing flame, November has always held spontaneous mountains for me, above me.
Sinking with the drain, holding on to what I claim is mine, bigger loneliness comes from that.
I told you my true name, but I say it once.
I can paint pictures, I can burn half of the world with my mouth, but only if I used the right words.. which is never my strongest suit.
Your hands slip from mine, you fold them and go to sleep, I fall asleep with. We’re not in the same dream anymore. I’m still doubting life and if this is one of life’s jokes on me.
The wind is heading my way, it passes your wrong thoughts to mine and mine to the trees.
Look me in the eye. Look me in the eye.
Am I an accessory or am I a segment of your imagination? Maybe we’re an idea.

There will always be a knock
there's always a new stranger to knock
for a conversation
for a glimpse of your brain
for comfort
for a safe place
for reassurance
for a deal
for your heart maybe..?
but not all of them is love sober
some will knock to find what they've lost
for someone like her
for an exchange of fake feelings
for fake druken words
for a touch of lust
for a distraction of their mind with yours
for visions your brain might not have the colors of
for one stroke on your strings, of a song they've played before but is completely new to you.. you might be intrigued, but you shouldn't be
I've been knocked
knocked at
knocked for
knocked out
but I never let just anyone in.. Or do I?
Once upon a new constellation in the sky, in a new side on the moon I've never seen, a new shade of black when staring directly into the sun, that has always been blue and purple..
I walk to the door to knock, and there you were already knocking.. I've been hearing these church bells for a year now, I've been feeling my heartbeat sing along to it, a different knock, a sober knock, a new knock that I couldn't resist opening the door for, hell I opened all the doors and all the windows for, I opened my heart, I kept my mind open, I was completely and utterly open and I sang along.
But I knew it was bad, I felt fear and fear and whole lotta fear, but nothing could stop me because you're here with me and you are singing along, you were singing along..
Where did I go wrong? I keep forgetting people can have a change of heart, they change their mind, everything changes in a short period of time and it makes my lungs so tight and my knees weak.. because it's never my change of heart. It's never me. I don't know what the **** is wrong with me but I know that it's time for me to knock on other doors.. because I am not accepting new visitors
I'm knocking on a door..
for love that I know doesn't exist
for reassurance
for sweet little lies that makes me smile
for the final exam of all the lessons I learned

Flipping through the pages ignorantly, walking out of everything before it walks out on me, before it rips me open.
I walk, I run but I seem to be doing it on circles
Collecting what's left of me to find a way out of the circle.
All the voices are repeating what is said in order
LEARN YOUR ******* LESSON
And I'll leave the circle?
People are people
it's endless
endless is a circle

I’ve realized that I’m being more vague by the day which leads to being more misunderstood but for the first time, I don’t try not to be..
I can go silent for days, but only if I wanted to.
I cannot confess what’s real
I cannot not think of you in every step of this
I can shush my brain and let go for once
I can pretend you never existed
I sleep away reality
I am using your methods
And now I know how it is
I still don’t understand where you come from
I can let go of a lover but I can never let go of a friend, I’m sorry I wasn’t yours as you were mine, I’m sorry I thought of you differently

Falling under the pressure of sanity, I let go
Crawling back to myself, insanely comfortable
How to not drown? **** learning how to swim, avoid water
Don't get burned either burning hurts as much
I've been burnt underwater and let me tell you
It stays with you forever
It shows sometimes
sometimes it's you

Sometimes I wonder why I tend to almost always **** the muse in my head that gets me writing.
I've facing the sun, I've been facing the moon, I've been facing myself, and I tend to almost always avoid fear.
Fear is one of the strongest emotions I feel, and when I feel it it's real.. And by that I realize that I don't want to write because I know want to know the truth behind all the fear I hold in.
So here goes nothing.

I wonder if I'm going to ever be in complete control of my emotions, I wonder if I want to have that as well.
It effects all aspects of my life, I water a flower and if it doesn't grow I get all sorts of emotion, every person I let into my life I cannot imagine ever losing them which is wrong but I feel it anyway, if the ocean is frustrated and the waves show it, I feel it too.. When it's calm I'm calm. I want to own things and this is the hardest part, starting with myself to everything I love deeply.. I have wronged myself letting my emotions take control. I cannot feel this heavy anymore, I'm too old for this but I also refuse to never feel again. What is the Grey area? I'll learn to accept it and love this color instead of black or white.

Take a peek, is it good enough?
Do you know what you want?
Would you rather choose for it to be chosen for you?
Do you know what you want?
Do they know what you want?
Does anyone?
Do you?

She floats quietly while her thoughts and secrets drift to hide away each in a different shell depending on how big and small it is

Swimming out she hears whispers, warnings, silent lullabys coming out of the shells

She grabs one and it gives her an answer

She grabs another and it gives her a secret

She starts to collect the shells seeking the unknown, still searching for it

"Please be clear, I need an answer"

But what's your question? We only have answers to your questions, we only give secrets for secrets and by giving us away you shall have something in return, have a wild guess.

Few years ago back at school, I remember this girl crying so hard like she's the first I've ever seen crying I remember getting her a glass of water and not wanting her to talk about it at all, I did not want to know the reason she cried and I felt sorry for her that I almost cried. After a couple of hours a girl came to us and asked me if I knew what's wrong with the crying girl and if not she'd tell me, I told her that I didn't want to know but she insisted that it's actually funny and I'd like the story and didn't shut up she kept talking and talking until she said the reason of all that poor girl's tears, which is "A broken heart" I hated knowing that, I walked back to the girl and she was still crying. I was standing about fifteen feet away thanking God that I'm not that reckless, I promised myself to never fall in love to never feel what that girl was feeling, I hated the story and the girl with the broken heart thinking how childish everything is, I went back to my class and napped with my earphones on, I only did that when I used to get really upset. When I woke up the girl was perfectly fine and I was so stunned, was everything just happened a dream? no, no I can swear it wasn't and I feared to ask.
The girl now is getting married at 21
And I'm suffering of a broken heart
I am that girl at the age of 21
I'm everything I hated
And that's just the broken heart part
staying at the safe side damaged me more than actually taking the risk or the chance, I was happy though. I was really happy.

المحبين التائهين بين الشك و اليقين