A horrible mess masterfully created and critiqued by the people
The very same people that hypocritically blame society for everything that is wrong with the world, for everything that is wrong with the people
But the crazy thing is that we, the people are the ones who deemed the world to be a certain way
The “right” way if you will
You see, we all paint this picture in our imagination of what we feel is perfect
What we feel everyone should be
What we feel we should be
And since we all have different minds, we all portray our “perfect” in different ways
Thus causing everyone’s confidence to drain cuz we cannot become this picture no matter how hard we try
There is no completing it there is only coming close to it
So we sit here trying to become this way we think one should be
And us as a society are causing strict guidelines and rules on ourselves
On everyone
But what we don’t know is that we are continuously causing these rules to change
And as they change the people try to do the same
But frankly not all of us can and the ones who can’t, are automatically deemed as different  and in our world different is “invalid” or the “incorrect” way
[What we don’t know is that]
It is not this world that is so wrong on it’s own, but rather the treacherous people who have caused it to be so wrong
So in the end, it is not society who created the people
It is simply the people who created society

Who knew I could trust somebody again
I have been let down way too many times
But by now you are more than just a friend
Its easy to forgive all your past crimes.


Everyday you give me a warm embrace
Something you said was hard for you to do
And everytime I look into your face
Everyone dissapairs except for you.

You have always been honest and open
And I dont always like what you tell me
But I trust theres no secrets unspoken
And its nice to have some reality

But nothing good ever lasts forever
And I dont want my heart to be severed

Please don't ask me about my apple juice. Don't ask why I'm always drinking it. I drink my apple juice because I refuse to eat. I naturally deprive my body of nutrients on a daily basis. Not because I am self conscious. I am aware I am over weight. I don't really care though. I do it because I feel as I deserve it. I embarrassed myself in gym today. The class stopped to watch me cry as I couldn't breath and couldn't see. I walked to the nurses office with my head down as they forced me to eat crackers and drink apple juice.  I only ate two before I left and threw away the food. I do not deserve it. I do not get to eat after that. Sometimes it hurts to sleep because all I hear is my stomach yet I tell myself I'm not hungry. And this is how it has been since I was little. Sometimes I get yelled at for not eating. I will go without a single morsal of food for over a week before I'll eat anything. But this is how I scream. This is how I cut. This is how I cope. Do not ask me to eat because I can't. My body is trained to hate the idea of it. I only eat when I have to.  So please do not ask me about my apple juice.

I love chocolate chip cookies. Not for the taste of it, however, more
for the fun. Every chocolate chip cookie is diffrent. Every
bite you take is new. Each bite has a different ratio of
chip to dough. Its like a mini adventure for the mouth. Not only that but depending on where you take a bite makes a diffrence. The edges are crispy and golden, while the center is gooy and warm. You can compare a chocolate cookie to life and find a whole lot of similarities. Life is an adventure. Every moment is diffrent. And you can dictate that moment with your choices. Like you can choose to eat the end with the most chips or dive right into the mouthwatering dough. So yes, I love chocolate chip cookies, but not for their taste.

A heart filled with emotion
I'm constantly in motion
Trying to forget the pain
But its brought up once again

I am trying to move on
Still my broken heart is torn
Like before, I feel alone
And now I am not at home

I got away from father
But he's still such a bother
I have left my friends behind
To protect that heart of mine

In court, I brought my brother,
"I blame you" says my mother
His actions are NOT my fault,
This lesson she must be taught

Life for me is difficult
Happiness can not be bought
Sometimes I don't want to live
Its easier to give in

I have my blades around me
I dont have a family
I have to lie through my teeth
To the point I can not breath

Yes, don't worry, I am fine
Ill just give it some more time
Ill bury my feelings deep
And hope to solve it with sleep

The next day isn't better
I feel like I dont matter
My will to live is gone
Still, I have to remain strong.

Life is full of choices.
I dont really get a say in those.
What should I know anyway, I'm only fifteen.
Because of this I dont know anything.
I don't know how I feel or my sexuality or any of the right answers to "grown up" problems.
What should I know about who I like.
What should I know about separations, and divorces. What should I know about ****, ****** abuse, or physical abuse.
What should I know about having to make hard decisions.
I havn't lived long enough to gain enough experience.
Well I know about who I like. To me a relationship is when there is a strong connection between two people that they don't share with others. Its not always about ***. Its not always about gender. To me, that connection can be made with anybody.
I know about separations. I know it can be hard for everyone in the family. Not just the children. Not just the parents. I know it is hard for me. I know it is hard for my Mother. I know it will be hard for my Dad when he finds out.
I know about ****. I have been *****.
I know about ****** abuse. I spent six years going through that and longer with physical abuse. Being beaten and hurt. Crying out and nobody helping.
And I know about hard decisions. I have only made a few but I know how difficult and painful they can be. I had to choose between parents. I had to choose my future. I had to choose to report my own brother for hurting me for so many years.  I had to turn in family. My mother blames me. And I guess in a way it is my fault.
I know I am still young.  I was robbed of my childhood and forced to face realities that no child should have face. I don't have as much experience as others, but I still have experience. I still have feelings. My age does not make me dumb, and does not mean I can be ignored. I am as much of a person as ever one else on this earth and I will not be belittled anymore.
I do not know everything.
I dont even know everything about myself. This, however, does not mean I know nothing. I am proud to be who I am. And everyone else should be proud of who they are. I have a story. We all have stories. We all have pains and we all have problems. Age does not effect these problems. They are still there.

Beautiful
Admired
Plucked
Killed

My heart is a rose.

   It is happy. As a rose when given to a loved one. It is sad. As a rose when rain falls on it at a funeral. It is wild. As a wild rose growing in a undiscovered meadow where deer fawn frolic.

   The rose began as a seed.
As I did. I was a newborn. Unaware of the events occuring around me. Knew little of the world around me.

   The rose grew into a bud.
As I did. I saw the light of the world. Began to understand. Began learning. The rain and hail that constantly fell upon me started to hurt me.

   The rose blossemed.
Now all of a sudden people notice me. Now is when I'm important. The damage I endured didn't matter. I am a young woman now. A little bit wiser but a little bit broken.

   The meadow unknown to man was found. The rose was picked. I was hurt for the last time. I start to shrivel and close. Not ready to be vulnerable. I hide the secrets within.

My heart is an ugly shrivled up black rose. Longing to be loved but afraid to reach out. Longing for a home but no way to get there. Unloved and forgotten.