Music in my head, rhythm in my heart.
My gaze is fixed on you, followed by a wide grin.
Green light turns red, but it's neglected.

Spite in my head, stubbornness in my heart.
Confident steps, legs refusing to stop.
"There's still time, I can cross it."

Anxiety in my head, hesitation in my heart.
Bus driver honks loudly, but I don't feel him hitting the breaks.
For a second, intention of retracing steps was firm.

Bloodshed in my head, Horror in my heart.
Second... A second would have been enough.
I'm sorry you had to withness this, but...
I'm fine.
I'm alive.

Waiting, impatience, nervousness.
Imagination too broad to bare with this moment.

The sound of sirens ringing in my ears,
announcing awful news.
Vehicle passing, rising filth,
indeterminable urgency.
Drops of sweat, one by one,
drift down my forehead, cheeks, neck, back.
Paranoia causes dark horrific stink of blood in my nostrils,
goose flesh spreading rapidly from head to toes.
Burning ache around my heart,
every throb seems like the last one.

*
Five minutes after agreed time, you came running to my side under the Central square's clock.
"Sorry I'm late" you said, hugged me and kissed my cheek.
At the last moment, I stopped tears from overflowing.
Worriedly, you asked: "Is everything okay?"
Sheepishly smiling, I replied: "Yes, of course. My brain's just playing tricks on me."

Like nothing ever happened...

Why do we keep coming back to the same thing?
The wounds are indeed fresh, but there is no need to spread them.
We talked about it, we dealed with it.
So why do we have to keep dealing with the past again?

I love you.
I am yours and you are mine.
Nothing minor is gonna change that.
Every shipwreck we can get over, together.
I ain't leaving you for anything and you know that.
You said the same thing to me.

Yet, we keep coming back to this.
Did it really leave such a big scar?
Did you start questioning my trust and loyalty?
Do I need to prove myself to you?
We both know I shouldn't need to, but I'll do it for you anyway.

Why...
Why is it so hard for you to love me?