Understanding you is my hobby
Though my heart is telling me its already heavy
How can I stop my feelings towards you
If my heart beats fast only just for you
My heart is tired and can't help but cry
But even though your always like that I dared to try
I loved you even if your **** and insensitive
To the point that everybody see's a girl that's so naive

I'm lost in madness thinkin'
The devil inside me brewin'
Waitin', for you to be seen
Darker than it has ever been

Here we go again
It seems like it's always repeatin'
Every time feels like I'm committing a sin
Letting go always causes me great pain

Being irrational and emotions taking over

Makes you think how real is forever

It makes you go crazy and say unnecessary things

Holding on to every memory of happiness it brings

On other days you say everything that comes to mind

But sometimes answers were so hard to find

Feeling all the emotions in every way

Sometimes, you don't even know the right word to say

It makes you do something you thought you could never do

But at the end of the day, you end up saying, " I love you so."

Torned to pieces
This screaming heart pleads
Shattered wishes
Broken memories

Appreciate every little thing around you
Every pain and hardships  you feel
For it will mold and strengthen you
Turns your heart into steel

Please, tell me
Are you both proud?
I still kept my promise
Even if you're both not around

I strayed before
Fought my silent battles
But again, I found my cure
Freed myself from my own shackles

I wish, I can see you again
Beggin', just once please?
Thank you and sorry for everythin'
I hope you're both happy and at peace

Here it goes again
It's like I'm committing a sin
When you utter words you don't mean
The first thing that comes through is pain

Now let's just wait and see
Let time decide if we're meant to be
Will those feelings you hold prevail
Or my prisoner, you'll choose to bail
Givin' you your free will for a year
Hoping all these bad feelings disappear
A future with no doubt and fear
And everything will be accepted and clear

It's been a while since my heart felt this way
But then, it's my way, and  it's me
I've got so much to write and say
But I'll leave this as it is, look forward and see

I'll handle the pain
And go through it all again
I don't regret it

Hidden emotion
Bright smiles
Tears in motion
Silent sighs
Step one, two, three
Still, now frozen body
Brain says, be free
Heart says, stay
A part says, let go
A part says, i love you so
How complicated can this get?
How can I win in this bet?

Sleepless nights I end up with sighs
Don’t know what’s in my own mind
A blank expression on my face
Watching The shadows and I trace

Mind as blank as paper sheets
Like the dim lights all over me
I watch the shadows questionably
Why does my heart pound intensely

The air’s cold breeze
And the drizzle of the rain
Calm me, I can see with others gaze
Perfect scenery that no one can complain

Your smile that lights up my day
I held your hand walking by the bay
Caught up by the moment
I ran out of words to say

We're silent but comfortable
We're in love that's undeniable
We'll bravely take the risk
I hope it's unshakeable

We're very happy, I know
But all of that were about to blow
I am slapped by the truth and reality
Realized that it was all just a possibility

It's funny how careful I am right now
Especially, with my social media accounts
Don't wanna offend, I'll just bow
Don't wanna be out of bounds

I feel so suffocated
Been feeling agitated
Can't stop shakin'
My body's tremblin'
It's so heavy
My body's weary
Heart's been sprained
Toxic in my veins
It's like I'm chained
With invisible chains
Heart beats faint
Fell for its bait

No direction
Indecisive decisions
Compromising position
Full of cautions

I still don't change
Raging memories
Ripped one important page
One of the forgotten stories

Memorable walk
Comfortable talk
Food for the soul
Had the same goal

Blindin' smile
Starin' for a while
Heart's contented
Though everything's complicated

How did we end up this way
I'm out of words to say
Now, I'm not so sure
Rest assured, my feelings was pure
Surprised, us managing to endure
Hurting, I'm looking for our cure

In the midst of doubt and agony
I hold you still, in my heart dear
We can't promise that our hearts wouldn't waver
And our feelings that maybe fading in a blur
If ever we meet and would still feel the same
Then it must be faith
But if it's the other way around?
Finding happiness, that's where we're bound

I secretly know how you feel
You thought what I feel for you ain't real
Thinking, I'm just takin' you for granted
But know this, you're all I ever wanted
I can't blame you if you have doubts
Your name is what my heart shouts
I don't know how to make you feel secure
And make you feel this love's pure

I closed my eyes
So I could see
What my naked eye
Can't see

It's always me who leaves
Just like a thief
Stole their hearts
No permission, just brief

Tried to hold on and stay
Thought I was strong
Watched my resolve crumble, and sway
Guess I was definitely wrong

Freed from those invisible shackles
That is holdin' and weighin' us down
Filled and stitched those painful holes
Tryin' not to make ourselves frown

Smiles that I took from those faces
Killed the happiness, I once saw in those eyes
Tired with my own sorries and apologies
So I'm setting everything free and our hearts

Held you close to me
Oh God, it feels heavenly
Hey, can't you see?

I was once drowned in pain
Suffered more than I could bear
Scars and poisons in my vein
Afraid It might turn fresh again
Can I still continue this?
Can I still fight for this?
Seems like it's about to repeat
I'm down and curled up in defeat

Breakin' free from your grasp
Made me breath and gasp
But it made you really sad
It made feel really bad
But I know this is the cure
It seems wrong, but I'm sure
I don't know how to describe
Can't really picture my future life
What I'm feelin' inside
Fightin' life and its strife
Felt my pain and agony subside
Rest assured I'll always be by yourside

I feel so naive and immature
But you're the only thing that I'm sure
Indecisive decisions that I make
Considering lots of options for our sake

I feel so useless around you
You're so out of my league boo
Don't worry, I'm trying my best baby
To conquer all these anxiety

Step by step we'll reach our goals
Hand by hand with loving souls
I'm trying my everything to think less
Praying every night for our happiness

I unconsciously push everyone away
When I needed them to stay
Used to conceal everything I feel
Hidden behind a facade, it ain't real

It's my defense mechanism
Cause I know where it is leading
Stack myself with optimism
To survive and continue living

It's not easy to change this attitude
I don't want to appear as rude
But I'm doing everything that I could
Because I know that I should

I really didn't mean to stop
Just started again from the top
Had my treasured mem'ries to keep
And my feelings still diggin' so deep

The weight of my title with you
Gotta earn it, have something I gotta sew
To keep my sanity, I let it flew
And pretend everything is cool, just had a flu

Didn't show my struggles with them
This is something I gotta win
Though  hidding it seems like a sin
I don't know, I just feel it's the right claim

Don't wanna bother anyone else
I can do this, this time by myself
They can't understand the difference
So I store it in my private shelf

I don't want to take the shortcut please
I'll just wait for everything to be real
I know everything will fall on its right place
In Papa God's time and will

Please don't get me wrong
I don't wanna hurt you more
By keeping you for so long
Continuously maiming your core

I want to let you know
That I have to let you go
I've been laying low
Without me, you'll be used to

I didn't really believe
Till it happened to me
That feelings fade
And people change

I hope we'll both heal
These hearts that's now frail
I think I can't open my heart anymore
Let's learn to love ourselves more

I was really happy before
Until my hearts song got out of rhyme
And I know we had the right love
In the wrong time

I don't regret that I've met you
Experienced many of my first's with you
Learned many things with you
And felt genuine love because of you

Thank you for everything
I'm so sorry that we're hurting
I wish you meet someone deserving
Get to meet your happy ending

I didn't know where everything went wrong
I can't even listen to any kind of songs
One day, I felt like I'm slowly dying inside
Pushing everything and everyone away by my side

Little did I know, you were fading away
Future tower we have built started to crumble and sway
My clear eyes with our visions became blurry
Can't remember our plans and goals when we are merry

Until that day came that I can't no longer see
That perfect future of you and me
Then everyday was a misery
We are both hurting, I'm so sorry

For being so genuine, you deserve my honesty
You of all people deserves to be happy
It may hurt you so much, but for a while
Soon, I hope to see your bright smile

I chose to tell you the painful truth
Than tell you sugar coated lies of this mouth
Know, I loved you so
Now, I'm letting you go

I'm losing my track
It's hard to go  back
I have no strength
It's hard to breath

How can I fix this?
I'm facing such hard tests
Can someone give me a hand
I'm eager to stand

Mischievous girl indeed
Nobody noticed what she did
Crossed fingers,
Lies told, straight to your eyes
Not only once but more than twice
She hides through her goodbye's

Caught up in the moment with your gaze
And all I can see is your charming face
Reborn in a different place
You're the one thing I'll forever chase

In my heart I'll keep you close
Despite every bit of your precious flaws
You'll always be the one I'll choose
I'm the electricity and you'll be my fuse

You're mysterious in a good intriguing way
I want to know you but I don't know what to say
So down in my bed I lay
As my thoughts tell me everything's okay

Someday somehow, maybe we'll be together
And the moments we share I'll always remember
Though waiting for 'us' seems like forever
The future with you and me,  I'll be the infinite believer

Can you see the night sky?
Even if time passes by

We change and grow old
With lots of stories to be told

Sometimes, it's very bright
It fills your heart with delight

Sometimes, it's full of darkness
It fills your heart with sadness

We still have so much to ask
It remains the same, vast and dark

Just always remember this
Everyone encounters rough edges

Everything's gonna be okay
Just hold on and pray

So do your very best
You'll survive every test

I know you're hurting
I know you're sad
I'm ready to listen
Come closer and lean
You're all I have
Please tell me, love
I can't sleep
I'm thinking so deep
How can I be helpful
Of a beautiful lovin' soul

Suddenly there was silence
I was left in a trance
Couldn't take a second glance
Heart's beating like it went for a prance
Lots of memories sinkin' in
More at peace than I have ever been
Flashbacks of my reality that I've seen
Wanna leave and hop in the hogwarts train

I thought I saw you today
"It's not you, please.", I pray
Relief, run through my veins
As if, I'm free from hideous chains

You're all over the place
I hide, you chase
I'm still afraid
These memories won't fade

Scared to see you again
Afraid my efforts would all go in vain
You're a beautiful nightmare indeed
You taunt me awake in bed

So much promise unfulfilled
Unknown power each of us yield
Overflowing and now I'm thrilled
The definite reason I should shield

Puzzled, about which way to go
Now, I'm just going with the flow
Family, I love you so
I'm showered with love so I grew

Blazin' with rage
Busted my gauge
Torned memory page
Tormented you in a cage

Seize this fire
I'll make you my sire
My dream will come true
I'll give you a clue

I can be your lover
But I'm a torturer
Beware my defier
I'm your greatest nightmare

Salty water taste
Dripping on my face
Sound of pouring rain
Makes me feel pain

Small drops of water on my face
Is this what they call tear?
Caused by my huge fear
Is everything going to be clear?

I hated my life before
Felt like my soul was being tore
With heartbreaks, mistakes, and cowardness
Lost my faith and gratefulness

Every day was like a major test
Each day was a struggle but I tried my best
I sacrificed what I thought was wrong
Cried every night but showed them I'm strong

Now I found my happiness
Through my family and friends
Appreciating little things in life
And the joy that life brings despite every strife

Ain't used to being saved
I've let someone before. I tried.
Let myself be takin' care of
Thus, it made me aloof

Now, I'm scared it'll happen again.
Saw my worst in my most profound recollection
Reprimanded for being rescued
That I should've given back what I received

If I knew the burden, it'd cost me
Should I have refused?

Darkness filled with pain
Can't stand the agony, I'm going insane
Everyday struggle, all seems to go in vain
Stuck in my darkest memory lane
Can I just end this almost perfect life?
Instead of fightin' myself with its own strife
Wanna escape and sleep this self to death
I wanna run away and breath

This is my last plea
My soul that's full of agony
Deep thoughts like the vast sea
Guest of out of tune symphony

Hear the cry of my heart
Feel through touching my soul
Consciousness that's about to depart
Holding on to my sanity since last fall

I forgot how everything felt
I'm like numb to everything else
The current me whom I steadily built
Slowly falling like a tease

Seeing the people I love crying because of love.
Makes me want to protect my heart even more.

I'm loosing my grip of my thoughts
Can't seem to write anymore poems
Now it's hard to express what I feel
Locked, and now it has a seal