We haven't spoken in a few days
Why? I'm not sure

You were texting on my birthday
And the next you disappeared.

You're inactive online and my texts seem ignored.
Are you grounded, tired of me, or something much worse?

All I can say right now is I miss you more than anything
And I love you a lot

I need to know if you're okay
And not leaving me in the dark

I build my life up with colorful legos
I take a break and admire my work
Bright, beautiful colors
All stacked up
Then someone comes along and kicks my legos
Bright, beautiful colors
All scattered across the floor
I pick up my legos and build again, and again, and again
I'm so tired but I don't stop
I don't take breaks so no one can knock my legos down
I tell myself keep going
Yet someone still comes and kicks down my legos
But this time I don't fix it, I am too tired
And I realize, that no matter how many times I rebuild
No matter how beautiful the legos are
Someone will come knock down my life
Untill I die
Do I have to continue building?

I don't like talking to you
Because I'm scared I'll be awkward
And make you hate me

I don't look at you in the halls
Because I'm scared you'll look back
And my chest will fall

I avoid texting back
Because I'm scared I'll send some dumb text
I'll regret later on

I look to my feet
Not because I'm scared of you,
But I'm scared of the hate

I'm a coward, afraid of the people in the world
Their judgment, their problems, their lives
I'm scared that if I love someone
I'll destroy them as much as I am

I promise you, I don't hate you
I'm not trying to avoid you
I'm just terrified
Of loving you.

Since when did I have to do this
Since when did I have to write
To keep me from going insane
And crying every night.

Once I was happy,
A joyful little girl
But ever since I grew up
I seem to see way more

I can see now, the terrifying world
And I can hear now, the voices knocking at my door
I can feel the sadness, as I walk through the air
And I can sense that I am no little girl no more.

I miss believing I'd be happy forever
I miss running around playing house
I miss not being sad with every breath and more
And I miss most of all trusting in us

A picture is worth 1000 words,
But you are worth much more to me

You are worth 1000 stars
Spread across the universe

You are worth 1000 diamonds
Because you are the rarest of them all

You are worth 1000 pictures
Worth 1,000,000 words

You are worth 1000 more
Than you may think you are

All I do is write
Under the willow tree
This is my safe place
I call it my Willow Leaves

I heard them fighting again
So I ran and ran
To my safe place
My Willow Leaves

My emotions left
Or are they just crazy?
I don't care really though
I'm under my Willow Leaves

The school kids are annoying
Always gossiping
But all sadness rolls away
Under my Willow Leaves

During the winter my willow tree goes
My Willow Leaves gone for months
I'm always depressed during this time
I hate myself for being like this

No other place to run
No other place to vent
No other place to be safe
Other than my Willow Leaves

It stabs me every night
Giving me the worst fright
When I can see it in front of me
I want to cry or scream

The memories, the scenarios
Some include loved ones' burials
They are mostly fake, I can see
But I can't stop them from coming

I cry every night, depression? I'll never know
Sometimes I'm fine, but it hits me with a fatal blow
I can't stop feeling this way,
So please, don't try to help, it won't help anyway

I feel insane like rational thought has flown away
I know it isn't true, but I'm scared, so it'll stay
It seems to feed off my sadness, my fear, every inch of my being
And it makes me feel guilty, for, well, living.

I talk to my friends, talk to my family
They say, "You're fine, it'll go away"
So I try to ignore the screaming in my head,
But when I fail, I just cry myself to sleep instead

Outside me
I'm really happy!
All I do is smile!
Cause I'm always in hiding...

Long sleeves
To cover the scars...
Long sleeves
So no one can see

Smile smile
For the flashing camera
For in this world
You can't look sad

I'm happy, I'm happy!
Happy as can be
I'm so happy
So no one can see me...

Echoes fill the room
All I can hear
The soft noises
That come from a person
I can not pin point where they are
Once again and forever alone
All I ask is to hear those voices clearly
To be understood

So I stand here in the rain
All I hear is the drops
Why do they seem so big to me
Like a brick hitting rock
A person is speaking to me
But it is not clear
For the rain drowns out the sound
I need so desperatly to hear

So I run to them
Run through the rain
And miracously I can reach them
When I run to them they stop
I grin a grin so big
They smirk and laugh at me
And insult me
And I run back

I sit alone in the dark
Only fire to warm me
To warm my broken heart
Unlike a broken bone
My scars will never heal
And I will always remember
That no one will ever care
But even if they do care
They won't understand

A little girl, in her room
Playing with dolls, out of the way of all doom

The little girl, now a bit older
Carries little burden, she is sober
She runs around the house happily,
But one night, she doesn't sleep

The teen girl, still growing up
Thought she had it all figured out
Thought she would never be this stuck
But with all the sleepless nights,
And all the memories in her head
That little girl, will never be the same again.

The girl, eyes deprived of life
Lies in her room, in the dead of night
The blood rushes onto the carpet,
And onto the dolls
As the once little girl
Couldn't take it anymore

800 miles and more texts than I can count
1 day online and the memories it would amount
A sleepless night spent together
Even though our distance caused different weather

I love you, so much, more than you'll ever know
If my parents weren't so upset about the internet, I would see you now
Even with our troubles, tears and the dumb crap we may say
I won't ever leave your side, even 800 miles away.

A crash of thunder, a breath...

I hear it getting closer
It seems to get heavier
I am scared, but less than before
My shoulders and body relax.

I relax.

But as soon as I got comfortable with the ghost in my room,
It left, and all was silent
Then it came back once more, louder and heavier

Yet somehow I was not prepared.

You've heard of clickbait?
What lures you in?
The things with all the colors?
What's all just sin?

That's her
And everything she is
It's all just...
Clickbait

She puts makeup on everyday
Makes herself look all nice and pretty
Innocent and pure
But its just a lure

She will pretend to love you
And you'll love her
But in her mind...
She wants you to cry.

She will take you in
And kick you out
Because under that mask
Is a demon of guilt

You thought she was just evil?
A girl isn't born that way
She does that only
Because it's happened to her

Over.. and over
Over... and over
Over... and over
And over again

And she's done the same
She is stuck in a loop
And she can't get out
She is scared of her self doubt

Her face is pretty
Innocent and pure
But my darling...
She is pure gore

Loud
The noise drowns everyone out
The screams
They are the only one here

I try to hide
But the noise follows me
Inside and out
It kills me

I want to make it stop
I want someone to help
I need someone to just
Drown the noise out

I look around at the vast blue sky

Little white clouds sprinkled all over

A big yellow sun bright enough to blind you.

I look down at the blades of grass

Millions spread for miles.

I think about the big cities, and all the people on Earth.

And I think about how big the universe is.

And I think about all the big people who changed this big big world.

And I'm reminded how little I am.

As if into paper
The ink seems to seep in
Into my skin
Deeper and deeper

The ink forms the words
I shall never forget
Even if I tried
To wipe the ink away

It seeps deeper day after day

At first, it's fine
I shrug it off
I laugh along
At their joke

Soon it burns
Burns my skin
Burns my being
Burns within

The only emotions
That come forth
Are sadness
And anger

I try to communicate
But they laugh it off
Pick up the ink
And write, and write, again

When I look into her eyes
I don't see her pretty smile
I see tears
Just waiting to fall

She stands there, stiff and unmoving
Looking through me
And no matter what I do
She doesn't respond

So as I sit there
And watch those tears fall
I sit and wonder
What I did wrong?

My heart is a dog
Loyal to whoever it loves
Loyal to you
----------------------------------
My heart is a butterfly
Fluttering around when someone is around
When you are around
----------------------------------------------------------­-
My heart is a mixing ***
Contains so many different emotions
So many emotions about you
---------------------------------------------------------
My brain can't decide for my heart
Yet this time I want it to
I want to know if I like you

We are stripped of our flesh
Self-crucifixion demanded
By such a merciful god

Under the loving moonlight
I will weep, and the nebulas shall
Gaze upon my dreadful soul

Not to be forgiven, not to be loved
To devote myself to the planets,
From the cradle I am not my own

Crimson life seeps into the Earth
We can no longer see the stars
Shattered are their promises

Please don't cry
When you see my body
During my funeral
Nor during my burial

Please don't cry
When you find out how I died
When you know how it happened
How it all went down

Please don't cry
I wasn't sad when I died
I was rejoicing when I saw the Lord
When I knew I was gone

Please don't cry
I didn't
I was happier when I left the evil
And cruelty of the Earth

So wipe your tears from your cheeks
And just look above
For I have met the Lord
And we are looking down upon you

I lie awake in the darkness
And I run to turn on the light
The darkness won't swallow me tonight
The demons watch me from the hallway
Trying to close in
Trying to take over me
I try to run
But in this world called Earth
No one is safe
Inside me are monsters
Waiting for my breaking point
So they can control me
Causing my friends to run and my family to hide
Untill I am lonely and sad again
And I hurt myself again
And again
And again
Untill one last breath
And the pain is gone

I wake
The sun shines through my window
I look out
The grass swiftly blows in the gentle breeze
Trees use there arms and wave to me
I don't want to go outside though
Instead I stay in and hide from the evil of the world
I tell my friends I am not allowed to hang out today
When in reality I don't want to make them hate me
I tell the trees, the grass, and the sun goodbye for the last time
And I don't come out again

I sleep
The moon is the only light left
I look up
The stars fade away
The moon is growing dimmer and dimmer
The dark grass is still
The blackened trees no longer beckon to me
I want to go outside tonight
I walk out and feel the darkness swirl around me
I tell my friends goodbye for the last time
Looking at the moon, I follow
Following it to the edge of the forest I stop for a breath
Then I find any courage that hasn't abandoned me
And I walk in
Never to be found again

I am sleeping
In an endless sleep
But I'm not afraid
I walk out into a bright light
I think this is heaven
But it a hospital
Am I sick?
What happened?
I close my eyes
And I realize what happened
For my heart it a butterfly
So it must've flown away
But I am not ok.


I have lost the man I love
And he will never know it.

I swallow air, as I'm pulled back under
The waves force me deeper, and deeper
    I look at the beach and the fun      
Secretly wishing I could be there to

I swim above once more
As I always do
No one seemed to notice me
Well, until you

You swam out to me
As I went under
You grabbed my hand
And held me closer

You left, but more came
And soon I reached the shore
And finally, maybe
I can enjoy life some more

I know you may leave,
And more may come
But I still love you guys
No matter what.

I adjust the temperature
Hot to cold,
Cold to hot,
But nothing seems to work.

I change my clothes
Casual to fancy,
Fancy to baggy,
But nothing seems to work.

I do my makeup
Natural or glamorous?
Glamorous or settle?
But nothing seems to work

I do these many things,
All around my home
But nothing seems to change
My lack of self love.