what hurts the most
is the unbearable duplicity of it all.
i wonder how long you were going to pretend
once you'd changed your mind,
once i'd become too difficult for you to adore;
i guess developing a personality
outside of your own thoughts
was a huge turn-off.
you must've hoped that love had done a better job
at clouding my judgement right before that last fight.
well, self-awareness truly is a double-edged sword;
i found myself but i lost
the last ounce of compassion
towards your ever so unimaginative lies.
now that it's time to reap the fruits of our labour
every bite gets stuck like a lump inside my throat.
but darling, just so you know,
what hurt me the most
was the unbearable duplicity of it all.

Writing this comes as no surprise, when a threat of a goodbye
Is what one would despise, yet is greatly needed.
To have held on a handful of years
Through the laughter and the tears
And have glimpses of you in my eyes

To Know you'll never read my letters
That I'll never know if your worse or better
That you'll never hear my resolutions
that my ears never hear your voice again

That I'll never laugh at a dull joke again
That every girl I meet will never even be a friend
Hoping my naïve loyalty will make you send me a message
To give me passage again into your life


It wasn't fair expecting a rainbow when I gave you a thunderstorm
And for you to expect gold when you sent me to an oil rig
I'll never know if you'll ever go to prom
Or were the feelings we felt ever that big


Will I ever get to tell you happy birthday?
Will we ever get to hug? Can I even get a handshake
Or did I make the mistake
In all the hopeless promises I used to say ?


That i'll go to special events, and buy charms you'll never wear
That I'll tear up and hold my face, and those around me wouldn't care
That a dreamcatcher used to connect us, like the very dreams I had for us
That you taught me how to cuss, and hold back and not make a fuss


I miss the way we used to laugh, at the mundane and obvious
And how you always made light of my snobbishness
How you made me a better man, both mentally and physically
And how I promised us tickets to Seoul with concerts and sights galore

So this is it, no millionth chance, the final curtain closes
And what a sadder way to end it, where both of us exposes
The fatal flaw in one another, and our hope to achieve love
While you go back to your knowledge, and I beg the one above

All the ways my heart broke,
in the time that I was yours.
With every fracture of my soul,
my memory obscures.
As I sit beside you now,
in this empty room.
I realize that I am done.
But do you feel it too?
It is a heavy feeling,
deep inside my chest,
sinking down to fill the void,
and giving me no rest.
You say that you won't lose me,
but I fear that it's to late.
Cuz it was only after I walked away,
that you begged for me to stay.
I am done with cheaters,
So just stop acting like you're hurt
Its getting to be ridiculous
Remember you left me first.
You made that choice to walk away,
you chose her not me.
So now you can live with what you've done,
You got your wish,
                                     you're free.

it takes two for a happy ending, but only one for a heartbreak,
and it's the guilty party that always seems so sad.
but every consequence could be avoided altogether
if he wasn't so careless about the people allowed to share his bed.
and it's a story for the ages, the one that everyone falls for.
fool her once - shame on her,
fool her twice - shame on everyone that he's slept with,
'cause he's never the one to blame.
for all the warnings and the red flags - there were none of those at all.
he said the right things and asked the right questions,
and now she can't help but wonder if there was something she missed,
she cannot stop thinking about all the others he kissed right after they'd kissed.
to love is to trust someone blindly, but it might take a very long time
for her to trust anyone again, not to mention a man.
it takes two for a happy ending, but only one for the end.

I tore a small piece of star-lit sky,
right from a summers night.
I turned it into a drawstring bag
to hold these last things tight.
I gathered up sunlit memories
of much more happy times,
colored with both our smiles,
They were from the time when you were mine.
I placed the memories in the bag,
and thought for just a moment.
Of silent cuddles and forehead kisses,
and all the days when we weren't broken.
I placed those thoughts next to the memories,
in my stary bag.
As I sang the song you'd sung to me,
whenever I was sad.
As my voice carried out the words,
Of "you'll be in my heart".
I dropped them a little bit recklessly,
and they almost fell apart.
I took those precious moments of love,
And with them added one last thing in there.
A little piece of notebook paper,
marked with the promises we'd shared.
Our life, our plans, and dreams of family.
The future that we had planned.
All gathered up together now
in that stary bag.
I took it to the beach last night.
And just before sunrise,
right before I let it go
into the oceans rush,
I added one last simple kiss,
to the bag that held the
                                             last
                                        of
                                                us.

I thought it was written in the smoke
That extinguished all our jokes
Filling air as we both choke
On the firing line

And when it was seven until
I headed out west for the hill
And I threw up those pills
Without saying goodbye

But still I will always return
Like I want to get burned
In a love I’ve unearned
For the rest of our time

I thought it was written on the wall
That had cushioned my fall
From the blowback assault
From the one wanting you

And when I gave up on the bridge
I remembered your kiss
And I swore off that *****
As I stumbled away

Far from it being mine to know
16 years of pain, maybe more,
Far from it being mine to show
The stars to follow back to shore.

I do not know where you may be,
I do not know the currents there;
Far from it, mine to know the sea,
Far from it, mine your soul to bear.

Far from it, when you rise to cut the line,
Far from it, when you cut all ties to me;
I can't be yours, I offered what is mine:
A hand to guide upon a darkened sea.

So you finally
Got the guts
To migrate...

To give a guy
A chance
When you know it
Ends the same..
As the song before

Told you to knock
Down these walls
And build a door
Instead ya didn't
do a **** thing

But diss
And disappointment me
Did I expect
It to explode

With all your
Odes and empty promises
Love bombing
Cuz you wanted me

Now it's
"Our views are just too different"
You're "confused" and your too distant
To the point where I'm


Sitting,
Waiting,
Wishing



On You
Yet again

Laying still on my side of the bed
Won’t open my eyes, won’t turn my head

Our pages lie defeated on the floor
Kisses on the wall but ink on the door

Love I refuse to share with new
And so remain reserved for you.

It gives me peace, we tasted forever
Cuddled to dreams, before we severed

My heart smiles only to your touch
Your empty gloves I tightly clutch

As we twirl the days into blank unknown
I sing our song, ‘cause it’s ours to own

I sing and I cry
Teardrops burning dry

‘Till I finally dare look
At the ashes of our book

We pick up our pens in slow-motion glory
And continue to write, each our own story

Our hearts beating on to the rhythm of our metronome
Now, I must leave, but I won’t forget home.