On V-day
I spent lunch crying
There were two drops
that didn't fall into my arms

Two little pools of sadness
from the worst of the madness
over someone I don't even like
when I look back over our history

I see, this wasn't a surprise.

There, when I feel my mind flooded with all this honesty
and like asking questions as we stare at data and can only see
details not the big picture and I think about things like why is it
that our school is below the state average in testing but it is so expensive it's upkeep
can't be afforded and we spend so much money on technology
but it's still below the state average and I know
you've told me that teachers moving around 3-4 times a day to different classes
prevents ownership by them but you haven't told me why this helps student learning
and now I hear admin says well in Japan the students just sit there and the teachers move
Japan?
And when I went to apply to the SPED program I told the professor I taught 70 kids in a double wide classroom and I had a microphone she looked at me like I was crazy
and so does everyone else I tell
But really, getting back to the first item, we spend so much money on technology but
the students score lower than the state average which is abysmal
It's like a fog has lifted and I never thought these things before

I told the shrink I wanted to commit suicide
I was so jacked up, filled with self hate
Like a jagged rock slashing
through my veins didn't want to stay
in my skin
but I'm calmer now
And I don't even really know how
things got that bad
I'm not even that mad
at all

I can rub off a zit on my cat's chin
it's not even gross, just little black dots
and I get so crazy over men
why can't I just rub this off
of my head or take a pill
or drink a lot of water or
swim in the cold Atlantic
and emerge cured, normal and sane

You can ask why
But there is no answer
Why do some people
get run over by trucks
while others cross streets safely?
Why do some kids get cancer
and some have everything they desire?
There is only so much we can control
only some much to hold, the rest is a game of cards
and all you can do is fight hard at your demons

He's not your type, not even in the top 200
before the Gothic drama had even escaped my mouth
Therapy.... can ....blow...your mind
I highly recommend it
Except its frustrating like watching laundry
roll around and around, the same patterns are found
over and over, and just when you thought you were so over that
you are back again running down dark alleys of your mind
splinters and nails stuck in your feet but you keep running to and from
in the dark so certain this is the thing to do
She is there to stop you
"you like the idea of him, not him, just like with _
ITS AN OBJECT ATTACHMENT"
there's been a lot of 'em
So what if someone you don't like goes out with someone else at night?
Why couldn't I see that before?
I was spinning out that door
at the same time watching him strut
away, duck feet, an apple core in his milk crate
and still no chin
His messy hair slicked down
resembling a piece
ready for his big date
hopes to fornicate
a day's sweat coating him
and still no chin and afraid of socialism
and darwinism and not a believer in global warming
or that scientists ever harm lab animals or make them suffer intentionally
every day less attractive, without those rose colored glasses I see
I don't really like him at all

Psychology tells us, that most desperate bond
that one you can see with a child and a parent
is the key to everything in love you see, it's so easy,
If everything there was dandy, and we were warm and fuzzy--
the scientific definition for having a good childhood
We shan't have troubles
But...and it starts in infancy...things weren't so warm and fuzzy
and we were anxious and afraid, without words or memories made
A child can't think a parent is bad
She may run from the cave and become lunch for a passer by
So she puts on those rose colored glasses, and then its not them, it's me
She blames it all on herself, that's science, you see
So as an adult, that little infantile feeling is the model for love
Really, I look at couples and love and I think, that's how we used to feel
about our mommies and daddies, sans ***, of course
I still wear my rose colored glasses when the going gets tough
and I see a guy and he's not my type or not even attractive
and I'm like, wow, he's fantastic,
and off I go, and he hurts me you know, and he says things I don't
like, cuz he's really not my type or he does something that hurts me
and it's like I dropped through the bottom of the Universe
Free falling, out of the cave, totally crazed
When in reality, I feel nothing, for this dude
My only thought is, I am with men, truly crazy
and I have to leave those glasses at home
or throw them in the dump
never to be found again
because only then, will I stop being a loon