what were they thinking, as I am here and still working
with four months to go and knowing there is no improvement
to be noticed and only betrayal after betrayal
and I've never been done so ***** as at this place
whose management thinks we are making 10 figures
and wheels and deals and has a blonde obnoxious secretary
who gossips and no I don't fit in because this is absurd and I am
reminded how a nasty person can ruin anything
a meal in Paris at a restaurant hundreds of years old
and a crabby old man who was my father in law and his
horrible girlfriend and we sat in this fancy place and I could
only think I wish my husband and I had gone out alone to McDonald's tonight
because we would be free of this hateful presence
or maybe we had just bought a loaf of bread and some cheese and at it
walking down the Champs Elysses, or maybe just starvation
would be better than these people and here I am again
in a perfect little "green" brand new school and I think it
is definitely located in the middle of hell and not surrounded
by wineries and fields and wealth

I sat with my attention deep into the computer screen
As he came back with two biscuits on a paper towel
"do you want one?" he asked
and a little line was crossed of caring I haven't had
in a long time and I was afraid, like a feral cat
reaching out furtively for a treat offered by
a concerned lover of the feline and
I reached out slowly for it, pink chipped nails
and fear, overcome
and he feeds feral cats around where he lives
a man who feeds cats...I never thought I'd know one

Means you suspect others
but it also means
you are suspect
because you think we're all up
to the same ***** tricks
as you,
little man, in your big office
with the blonde secretary
who keeps no secrets

Are blue and pierce through me, or maybe they are emeralds
and they glow and enchant me, and I look across the table at him
and wait, for him to feel the touch of my look,
to see his eyes turn up to mine, just brown,
and I feel the sting of desire and admire
all the beauty of his masculinity to eternity
it takes me
what is a man
who makes me feel
this good

I can see through that like a transparency
running, running from the truth of who you are
made by what you do
it must hurt to do someone ***** like you
do
and I always think, they feel nothing, these flyers in the night
bully me, suspect me and think they're clear, see
through them all I do,
the one whose suspects you always plots against us always
and he's only thinking you're playing his game, because its all he knows
and you, who don't have three minutes to look at my video but have hours
to do dumb things a lifetime really, it's not the three minutes, it's to look
at me, and to see, you done me wrong
so run, men, run, but like the cat running across the yard
away from the duct tape stuck to her fur
you are running from something inside yourself
and this I know, this I know

In the same day and it is just like I realize
this is really
totally
stone cold
insensitive
to be rooted out like a pathogen
when in reality the entire place is sick
and I'm only an observer

And his eyes were bluer and his lashes were longer
and its not just men who want to see long lashes on  their objects face
and he just seems so much more beautiful since I found out he used
to volunteer to save animals
but he just stares at me dumbly, as if I can't see him
and he can only see me through a lens of a microscope as he
studies me like a specimen and it just isn't really right yet
I can't read him at all