But not much
except that we are really self contained
so a drug will make our day or not
or a feeling we have is our entire universe and
that is just the nature of what and who we are
and we are not objective by any means but only by
sheer effort can we really see ourselves for who
we are, an image projected on a screen
and it is only us, inside our own skin

He's not a wolf, but only a mouse now
the man who yelled at me for crying when
I knew he was nailing my coffin with bad evaluations
and planting the seeds of God knows what and what are
they thinking and what are they going to do next to me and nothing makes sense
but he hurries by like his tail is on fire and he doesn't look so scary anymore
but just kind of strange and I wanted him to like and respect me
and give me this kind of good feeling about myself
but now he's just wearing a black nylon jacket and
looking nervous and small and furtive
and I wonder why he ever made me so frightened

And it's all just a blur, like out of body experience as I
take risks I never used to take like singing
into the microphone, and really I never sing
and I sang "I Believe in Miracles" with feeling
and what is happening to me, as  I just kind of ooze from one hour
to the next and I asked a guy to see a movie with me
but that's weird I never do that and the fog has lifted
and I take a picture of myself in blue
like I used to when things were simpler and happier
and I can't tell why I used to be so stressed and anguished when now it
seems like there may be hope after all and escape
and a job you hate can really be a kind of jail of pent up
feelings of anger and it just kind of rots you and makes
you hate life and even if you only have a vague notion
kind of a fuzzy, idea of the future, kind of like
walking on cliffs in Marin county with clouds, thick ones,
rolling in so fast you can see them and you can feel them
on your face as well but you can't see the trail ahead
but it is so beautiful and bracing and alive

I wanted you to like me, respect me, maybe knight me
But you don't even see me, need me, want me
and quickly you found another
and now I've just uncovered
a gloomy kind of thing
but I will shout and ring
cuz you weren't a guy who'd ever please me
weren't a guy who'd even see me
and now it's over now I see you
and it's clear I'm something you'd never do

Away from pain
climb out of ruts
and into the moonlit night
to see the stars so clear and life so bracing
and wonderful and opportunities still there,
even if they've been shrouded in misery
for too long
you are alive and you must be strong
because dark forces have crushed so many souls before you
and you must fight in this world, for the re-birth of yourself.

Creating is part of living and it can't stop even if there is hardship
and that won't help because if there is hardship
the worst thing is to just freeze and hate yourself because you are there
and not here, over somewhere better
so the blood must continue to pump through the veins and your dreams must continue even if they are now more furtive and furious than ever,
that is the life force and there is nothing,
nothing that will stop it
but death

You won, I lost and then again I lost
and it's not so bad, really.
Isn't that funny?  
Because in the end being in a place
where you are just a loser losing over and over
despite all your efforts to please
in the end this is a nasty situation
and I must be happy that it's over and I don't have to
keep trying to please so hard, be respected, be valued
in a place where my values aren't valued and never will be
unless the whole
plan
changes...which will be a long time from now.