You have high blood pressure
She says it was easier without you
And she works with you
And you are called into the office to be fired
When you volunteer for work no one
Wants and are ignored
Be comfortable
In the skin that defines your outline
Be present as she says she thinks you are no good
Be here and reach for the pain
And explore it .  To touch it
And just be

And it will be ok.

because it's been quite a day
and then I hope my memories will just slide away
no one likes insults
no one likes low blows
it's like bandages in your nose
so gross
so just leave them there is a pile
in the wreckage I call work
one road was wrong
but I was a coward and so I stayed on
afraid to incur someone's wrath
I took myself to task
Until another order
from a higher plane
made me have to change
and i had to drive through that blast all the same
but offending high, or offending low
I guess it's low or it's no go
and then I went threw those flames
and how she cursed my name
and how I fear what she'll do
i wish I could work with someone new
but I have to let it go
i've done my best and so
I have to leave it there
like a sleeping cat on my favorite chair
there won't be twenty vodkas,
they'd offset my chakras
naw, i can't do that
i can just. let it go. leave it at that.

He wore a onesie with hearts a floating on pajama day
Hearts all over his **** and hearts all up and down the length
of his lean body and in the inseams of the onesie
and right near his package and the girls
were taking pictures with him, these under age girls who could
now see the entire length of his entire lean body and see it is just a stick
with another potential stick pointing out in the middle
and no one said anything, none of the bosses and his friend
had on pajama bottoms too small with hearts right there and
a big looped piece of fabric to hold it on his trim twenty something body
and the old guys, the bosses said nothing as they admired
the length of the hard bodies
and the girls look and I wonder if one day one will reach out and touch.
and i don't remember it being like that in my high school

And in the morning it was one
California clothes just don't cut it
in that shiny frigid Logan sun
and yet daily life goes on in Utah
and maybe that should make me stop and think
I take too good for granted,
I complain: too much work, sore throat, and a dish filled sink
But here, it's 65.
I should take notice of things like this
like this little perk of a California life.
And remember there was a time, about nine years ago
When I yearned to be here, was trapped on the other side of the world, and I just couldn't go

There is this energy to it
all the dramas and he did that and so i did and said
and so did she and then...
it buzzes on and you cannot get any peace
and my parents lived like that and never payed any
attention to me most of the time
and it is a drug
it prevents you from sinking into yourself and your
fears, and it is exhausting
recognize the energy, that drug frenzy energy and know you
must just stop and be here
and breathe and calm your mind until it is a placid, loving lake
peaceful, yet alive and lively, with the reflections of the beauty
of world just here, in the moment, light reflecting off the mirrored surface

I come back and see I have facebook friends I don't even know
and now they're loaded in my phone
and there's way too much information at my fingertips
and I may slip up and find something I don't want know
and what were my dreams trying to warm me about
and how can I find peace between my ears?
i didn't have a good childhood so now I imagine one
back in my home town with the parent I never had and
feeling loved and warm throughout the day, and not
looking out the window and wondering what I did wrong to cause my mother
to leave and realizing, knowing now after 500 years of therapy that it was about
her and not me, and my boss is not my mother and after 500 years of therapy
you'd think I'd know that but it's hard sometimes...
what we have to do is come back to what we know to be true
past all the chatter and shoulds and inner cruelties
you may have to obey someone but you don't have to respect him
inside although you play act at meetings and all
A lot of staying sane seems to be, knowing what you know
when you are really in your true self and being able to hang on
to that, you know, that is hard but not as hard
as all the chatter and self recriminations
so it is worth it, my friend, it is very worth it.

I asked like I was back in school
I had a headache from the outer limits
and aches to boot
and he came over and gave me that little massage
and I felt those masculine fingers
dig into my shoulders and neck
and give elief, and move my clothes, oh, it was a treat
Not soft, yet pliant and warn, not like mine
but different and seemed born
to give pleasure to the likes of me
I'll call you tonight he said and inside I felt glee
but by the time he called I was only half human
memories of his hands were hazy and far
and he said we'd talk when I'm well
and that all right, don't know him that well,
don't want him to see my plight
a flu shot, hand sanitser and still I just fall
sick