Rain all around, and then a clear sky
I went looking for a place to swim, but all lanes were deserted
I ended up down in a basement pool, backstroking with a view of a roof
and I began to feel dizzy, like I drank something 150 proof
So I got out and put on my brightest warmest best
Made it to that cheap old grocery store,
and they gave me a free bobble head
and as I walked out to the parking lot a sweet old lady said,
"You f'n b--, for hatin' that N--" and I looked, could I have imagined it?
And a younger woman sat and  just looked on
and the old lady with the Santa hat well she just wouldn't stop
and I thought, maybe she'd like my bobble head
maybe then she'd calm down, but I wasn't brave enough
so I got in my car and drove on

to feel a part of this world, to feel the air that is being cleansed
of the filth and rot of civilization and to see the dry creek out
back that kids built a fort around last summer, with a filthy mattress as a bridge
fill to the brim with cold muddy water that will run through the artificial pipes and what little is
left of what was once a beautiful and natural valley, now paved over and trod upon and
suffocated by humans and the cold rain touches my bare arm and reminds me that I am
a part of this world, even as I struggle against it as we humans do.  And I wish I was far
away from this place, far away from all this crowding and muck and ceaseless competition
and wrong moves and attacks and I wish I could have only the silence of a loud storm
cleanse my consciousness and make me believe again that there is hope in this world and the
rain hits my watering can with a ping, ping sound and wind roars into my third floor apartment
and I feel alive.

and I woke up to hear it and see it because I love the rain
it is cleansing and renewing like a good cry and it changes
the landscape and makes it quiet as nature asserts herself over us
and we need more rain.  we need more tears to wash away the sadness and
stress the envelops the world and my cats are here with me, warm and dry
and afraid of the thunder and little Julietta wants to go out but there is too much
water and I with my sorrows am soothed by the sound of water washing over
my world, sliding off my shelter and running down a little stream.

I have a dream of a house full of cats and more outside
there will be plenty of black ones and lots of kittens and all will be street cats
given a new chance at life.  And there will be adoptions and trap, neuter, return for the ferels
and a low cost spay and neuter clinic close by to everyone in need and I will be
surrounded by cats, little beautiful creatures living out there lives near me
and there will be a cat's house in Haifa, and children and their families will
comes and learn about these animals and how to take care of them and not abuse
and surrounded by cats and infused with education, people will learn to be
what they can be, gentle, good and kind to the voiceless little survivors

for one in a series of misrepresentations
at last the army went home for dinner
after I threw a grenade
one given to me by the union
and my friends
one from a small cache
all I have against their hundreds
but it's the first thing to come over the wall
clink down into a safe a well
and do it's best to detonate and make alot of noise
and it reminded them there's something alive
on the other side

She gave it to me in a ceremonious way, since she's advised me to have rocks before
because they ground you when you hold them and it's better if they mean something to
you because then it is more powerful and I've had plenty of rocks, but none have really
worked so well as this one.
And I hold it with me nearly all day and it makes me feisty, and I feel strong because it
comes from her office, this island of sanity where I can suddenly let go of all the fear and
guilt and self hatred and realize it's them, not me.  No matter how much I want to believe it
is me, that they are good and if I only change.
But some people are not good, or wise or kind and they can decide that you'd make a nice target and
self laceration will not make them stop stabbing and stabbing, ceaselessly until you are nothing but
road **** on the floor because it is a great relief to them to let go of all that onto someone else
and so you must fight back and that means, you believe in yourself and you fight for that self and this rock came from her office and it came from under a plant and she wiped it off after my mind was
clear from another tornado of self hatred and punishment and she said, this rock comes from this office
and I didn't want to take it because I thought the plant needed it but she said not to worry that she
had plenty of rocks and now I hold  it
And I've been fighting, fighting against those dark forces and the darkest of them all, the one who
has made my life a scary mess for months now today he finally said he was sorry for misunderstanding me.  He said it twice and I think: this is a breakthrough and he may still take me down, because the future is far from certain but I would say you may take me down, but I'm going to take a piece of you with me. And I felt the power of the sanity in that rock and I hung on.  I hung on.

I am not here, but somewhere else
feel like I cannot face another day like the last one
that it's a catch 22 if I believe him, then I can't move, can't work
But believing in me is so new, and the muscles are not strong
And I fall down into his opinion of me, which kills me
incapacitates me because it's not true
but I believed my mother as a child
had no choice and now it's habit
so I must keep pushing those tiny tired muscles so I can keep going on