Once you
experience
something
it becomes
easier, harder
to talk about
harder, easier
to think about

Irritation
the
ignition
of
rage

They explain what I went through
Said it had purpose, meaning
Said that I'm better off
A lesson learned is knowledge gained
Is what they say
But how do you describe my pain
From day to day
Still lingering
Forever the same
No matter what I do
To try and escape
It's always a part of my
Heart
So now what can you say?

Maybe I'll wake up feeling better
Maybe my pain will go away
Tomorrow morning
Maybe I'll wake up with a
smile
on my face
Maybe I'll be okay
When the moon leaves
Maybe the tears will dry
When the light breaks
Maybe my thoughts will drift away

This weight on my back
This cut in my heart
This hole in my brain
This scar on my hand
These bags under my eyes
This hurt in my body
Might go away
If tomorrow morning comes
Today

and so we run
chasing
with arms
reaching
pulling
flailing
grabbing
pushing
stretching
blind to what's
already
in front of us

whatever you feel first
(they say)
grab it
keep it
hold it
cherish it
don't let it go
don't let anyone take it

and so we run
and fight
and beat
and curse
and torture
and scream
to claim what we believe is
ours

who is they exactly?
we will never know
but we decided to listen to them
and so we run
and so we run
will we stop?
and so we run
and so we run
will you stop?
and so we run
and so we run
will I stop?
and so we run
and so we run
but eventually we get tired
no one knows it yet, but we will get tired
and what happens after that?
-we run-

I feel
                            so
                                 small
and
                              my
                               ­      thoughts
feel                        like
                       ­               nothing
at
                               all

yet
                              so
                                    many
loving
people
are                               around
                   me
Is it possible to feel this way?

You're in my mind
like all the time
but more than often-
today

walking through the halls
like you were with me
but you weren't

talking with excitement
like you were with me
but you weren't

text-6:08 pm
just wanted to let you know that you were in my
head
all
day
                                                                ­                     text-6:10
                                                       ­                                          <3 I miss u

Say I'll change
but I don't
say I'll change
and I won't
staying the same seems fun
until it isn't

And so I'll love you from a distance
and give your space
--like a fire that burns so beautifully
but makes you want to step away--
as obsession is something
I cannot chase
since I know nothing about
you

-Will you wait for me?

-I'm not ready yet

-Soon

-Don't worry

-I won't forget

-Promise you'll remember?

-Good

To know that
today
is
all
set
or
taken
care
of
better yet
brings
peace to my soul

knowing

that i don't have to
take
control

i love your voice
i love your heart
and your love for God
your eyes
your hair
your confidence
the way you care
how you stroke your hair
your dedication
the little things that make you frustrated
your smile
your laugh
how you reassure
and encourage me
how you get excited
and the way you look back
at me

HELLO?
Is anyone there?
You write to it
but it doesn't care
it's simply a
blank piece of paper
lying there
staring at your
soul
in despair
there's nothing it
can say
there's nothing it
can do
to help you
overcome
what you are
going through
instead
You have to take
a stand
and make something
new
of this blank
piece of paper
that was handed to
you

Cards spread out on the table
Drinks spilled on the floor
Look through the glass-
you can't see my reflection
anymore

Food untouched on plates
streamers all over the place
Popped balloons on the floor
What was this party even for?

All the doors opened
a cold breeze comes in
who knew a party
in the night
could bring
the darkness in

A crowd of people
turn to emptiness now
What happened to the music?
Why has it quieted down?

I'm the only one at this party
had some bad news
about you and her
so I told everybody
and it ruined the mood
they're all mad at me
and left
cause I brought you two
together
so I'm the only
now
and its no fun
when you can't talk to anyone
but yourself.

I'm the only one at this party
And its not fun
cause I can't talk to anybody
but myself
but me
even you and her
left
for better company

Things
weren't supposed to be this difficult
Things
weren't supposed to be this hard
Things
weren't supposed to leave us breathless
drowning in our scars
Things
weren't supposed to hurt us
leaving us alone
Things
just weren't supposed to happen
but
they
happened
in
my  
home

When will the morning come
When will the day start
When will my pain
melt away
with the dark

Step into this world
I call it diary
its not physical
rather mentally complete
when sorting around
the mess inside
this world of ours
inside our head;
our heart;
our soul
we see our words
and are taken aback
at just that

Thanks for:
-letting me talk to you
-letting me in
-always listening and being more than a friend
-being patient, when I get out of control
-sharing silence and comforting my soul
-your guidance

~And please help me to see all the blessings that you give to me. May I learn to listen and hear your voice. May I live a life where I rejoice you~

hold me
hold me
hold me
like there's more you had say
so this doesn't become a fairy tale
someone read yesterday

To keep moving
and never stop
mind forever racing
heart nonstop
beating to a
sprinting pace
no rest
no brakes
no breaks
pauses nonexistent
when breath
is never fully exhaled

Didn't mean to ignore you
Sorry if I didn't look you in the eye
if I listened to your words
they would become a melody in my heart
and I might fall in love tonight
so I'll keep my distance
I will stay away
use anything to fill your space
so I don't fall in love

A forced day
a forced way  
to show someone how much
you care
a way just to get it out there
in the open air
A fake display
of fake relay
of fantasized stories
that meant nothing
yesterday

o
oh
oh why
oh why do
oh why do you
oh why do you need
oh why do you need to see
oh why do you need to see me
cry
and
be
open,
vulnerable

paper thin
paper white
losing vision
losing sight

fade to darkness
fade away
fail to see the light of day

gone

Clarity
Clarity
I know you hold
the clarity
when I can't see
guide me
because in the darkness
I lose everything
and the light is too blinding

lead me
because
You
and only
You-
forever,
You hold the clarity

Did you really mean it when you said it?
I couldn't decipher it
was that your true personality
or the one you use for show & tell?
I use to believe you
now I'm not so sure
if you are you anymore
because I've seen you with two different faces
walk through two different doors

How
great can You be?
to
create
whole galaxies
shape the seas
and form life
as far as my eyes can see
to
move the mountains
name the stars
and form the earth
with a slight movement of your arms
to
uphold the mind
the way we think
knowing our
hearts
deepest desires
and composing beauty
in the fire
to
know the number of hairs
on my head
to what we need to say
before we lay down our head
to
remembering every single name



and
still
love
me?

To relive a moment
even a simple second of time
where you were near
when you were here
because I miss you
you made me happy
and that felt good

Needing to close my eyes
but if I do
I might lose the moment

So
our time is now, in the
moment
but what if our time is
up, over
and we don't know it
yet
--- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---
So
our time is up,
over
but what if our
time is now, in the
moment
and we never
knew
it

I had a friend
her name was blue
she was sad
and i was too

When night creeps in
and you are all alone
do you ever wonder
who
will
rescue
you
?

We learn about
back
then
and what
happened
how we
changed
grew
fell short
failed
gave up
and
tried
again
learned
discriminated
accepted
unified
fought
agreed
and how it all came to be
So when they look back on us, what will
they
see?

Wish I could do something to fix
the room
adjust the lighting
catch the picture that's about to fall
cover the white blotches on the wall
finish painting the chair
add the final touches
tilt the clock slightly
fluff the pillow
face the chairs to each other
align the TV
and make it perfect
but there's no such thing

So many poems about
love
because it's what we feel
emotions
bottled up
when
something hits our
brain
unexpected pain
that forces us to
express how we feel
because its a big deal
when you feel like a part of
you
is gone

I ask myself "really?" sometimes
when i do dumb things that make me want to hide
like when i went over to my friends house
and dropped a crumb on their floor
and didn't pick it up
or when i made the conversation all about me
when in actuality the other person was hurting
or when i got too vulnerable and everyone was confused
or when i slept too late and lost the whole day to a snooze
or maybe when i stared at my friends brother (for a long time)
and now he thinks i'm a creep
when someone drops their books
and I walk away
when i try to give advice
but the person goes astray
I try not to mess up, but I always do
being human is something you just can't remove

No name
no title
the unknown
nameless
blameless?
the forgotten soul
hidden
secret
kept away
with no place to stay
a random occurrence
on a regular day
when I met untitled

I moved against the breeze and
it became harder to walk
I tried to talk but my words
drifted
away
against the breeze

Deep Inside Thoughts
Empty room
Lonely room
One window room
Four wall room
One door room
Will you escape?
The pressure of this place
is caving in
Yet it would be a sin
to just leave
and walk away
When the room in trying to
communicate

Your longing feelings
are overwhelming
because everyone seems to have a companion
but you

Each
empty
lonely
room
has a friend
So why are we longing then?

Cloudy and blurry
from the gray-white dust, the must
that I've refused to clean
some say your mirror is your enemy

Round and circular
the old wooden frame
that holds the glass in place
and when I see the reflection of my face
I smile
and I gain confidence

Some say your mirror is your enemy
and I can see their viewpoint
I understand
but on the other hand
a mirror reflects the beauty put in front of it
so I am reminded that I'm created in my Father's image
and I gain confidence

Some say your mirror is your enemy
but my mirror helps me
if my outfit doesn't look the best
my mirror is the first to let me know
and I gain confidence

Some say your mirror is your enemy
but we work out together
I lift these weights
see myself improving
and I gain confidence

Some say your mirror is your enemy
but my mirror is my friend
because its the only one who sees
my confidence

love is so hard
but that's what makes love seem easy
the difficult moment make love
something you need to fight for
the challenging times give you new insight
carefree times give you reassurance
and peace settles your souls
as you grow
into one

....to slip in
you match
style becomes
what they like
attention is suddenly your friend
it feels good to fit in
until you lose yourself

You have to ask the question to get the answer

I remember writing a poem about war
wasn't much of a poem
more of mixed emotions
poured out on a piece of paper
with no compass to follow
so it made no sense
and that's okay
because thoughts don't have to be
perfect
to be



important

When you have nothing to do
your thoughts take over you

I'd like to meet you again
but this time as your girlfriend
this time as your girlfriend
I've already met your parents-
the kindest people
and I'd like to meet them again
but this time as your girlfriend
this time as your girlfriend
I'd like to do this all over
begin at the end
but this time as your girlfriend
your girlfriend
yours

Rewrite the page
erase the mistakes
and start over
a clean slate
fresh beginnings
clear mind
focused heart
new time

There's more
and we know this for sure
because we can't see everything
with one glance

A blessing in disguise
they always say
and I didn't
believe it
until yesterday
through the pain
I finally see
perfection
in Your mystery
no matter what
I face
you are always with me
and you bless me
abundantly
with all I need
no matter what comes against
and its funny
if there was no pain
I wouldn't be writing this-
Your righteous plan
unfolding before me
shows there is no way to simply
pass by
the battle
because you already have the victory

Holding me back
these excuses
robbing my brain
from moving
forward