10 years ago
I lost you
3 years waiting for you
Wishing I could help you
Watching you slowly fall apart
Blaming myself for not helping
Saying anything

Now you back
Years have past
Yet the blame is still deep
Why didn't I speak up
Even when he died, it
Didn't stop the blame
Or the pain,hate

Slowly coming to grips with everything
Yes my sister is back
But is she the same
No
So how do i look at you
And see a different person
Some days I see the old sister
My big sister
Some days I seem like the big sister
I love you sis
I'm sorry

100 thoughts

Running through my head
Killing me slowly
The past running back
Wishing there was a switch
Screaming from the inside
Hoping for a miracle
That these thoughts will vanish

I'm a fighter
I will not give in

With every breath it hurts
Knowing your not here
Holding on with a memory
That mean nothing anymore

You sed hello to a ******* the end of a mic
No clue it would be so much more
A little game of rainbow
Became so much more
A simple hello
A simple party invite
That's all it took

A friendship began
Few years down the road
Numbers exchanged
Texts fly of our phones
Wishing there wasn't so many miles
Just so I could hug you
When I got down
You didn't care about what was happening
Just that I kept smiling
Telling me it would be ok

Growing closer everyday
Talking everyday
Not knowing
 how much we meant to one another
We gradely fade apart for a few years
Only to carry on where we left

Late night calls start again
Falling asleep on cam to one another
Meeting your mates
Having a laugh
Secret messages
Making me smile and laugh
While everyone is wondering what's going on

Then you go away longest 3 weeks I've known
Just waiting for a text
But I knew you was the other side of the world
Enjoying yourself
So I wait finding ways to pass the time
Playing Xbox with your mates
Talking to them learning more about you
Each day knowing you would **** them
For telling me some of it

They then make me spill about how I feel
And that I should come clean
But how can I after years of friendship
And that I've never seen you face to face
Wouldn't that be weird just opening up
To liking someone you've never met
But then it made sense

You don't have to meet someone to like them
Just knowing there a text away
Or that you may get a silly text in the middle of the night
Or falling asleep on cam to one another
That's all it takes
So I go shy and hide
Knowing your mate is spilling what I sed
Hiding scared I'd messed it all up

Till you message me and tell me not to be shy
And thinking your mate spilled about
What I felt but really I dropped myself in it
And had to tell you I fell for you
With nearly turning my phone off and never putting it back on
You message back something I didn't expect
"I feel the same"

Hoping to one day meet you
Talking about what we would do
If we saw one another
Saying I'd hide behind someone
Because I'm shy
And You saying you would just give me a massive hug
To make me feel better about it all

But that chat faded too soon
And texts slowly faded too
Talking on Xbox still
But no late night calls or cam

My heart then sank that you went on a date
You was open but it was like my stomach dropped
So I message k
What I mistake
But what else could I say

Now I have to let you go
Not knowing how long it could take
Or if I can
Destroying me slowly
Wishing you sed dont
But you just went silent

I opened up to you
8 years just messaging you
My life spilled out like a book
You never judge
You never laugh

But suddenly you dissappear
Gone just like that
Vanish into thin air
But why
I wish I knew

I wish I had the chance to say
"I love you"
I don't know how
But I fell for you
Maybe it's just me
But how do I tell a ghost
Someone that vanished into the shadows

Without a bye
Without a answer
I maybe being selfish
But I can't help
Feeling like something is missing
A hole that yu filled

Maybe I love yu as a friend
Maybe more but you was there
When no one else was
Got me through the dark times

All I ever wanted was to repay you
If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here
You may of thought yu just listened
But you did soo much more
You lit the light when I needed it the most

When the darkness was consuming me
You held out your hand
A stranger at first
To only become something soo much more
A friend

Hoping out your hand to someone in need
Can keep that person going and believe In themselves

What is love people say
Is it when you can't catch your breath
Is it when you laugh at nothing
Just cuz it's them
Is it when you can say anything to them
Even if it will upset them
You look into there eyes and know they will always
Stay by your side no matter what
you may not know it's love
Till they walk out the door
Is it when they hold your hand
And make you smile like a mad person
Is it possible to fall for someone you didn't know you liked
Is it love when we say I love you and hear it back
No matter what it is we all find it in someone and don't believe it
Sometimes it takes walking down the Isle to someone to say I do that makes it all come to reality
All these questions
But no one ever knows the answer