His Voice or Mine

With his kiss upon your lips
As you  close your eyes
Do you think about the life we had
Or the new life he provides

Can his hands carress your body
The ways that mine once did
Will his touch give you pleasure
Like only I could give

Can you see true love in his eye's
Like the love I had for you
Will your heart beat just as fast
As when I walked in the room

Does the memory of him fill your day
Is our memory lost in time
As you sleep within your dreams
Do you hear his voice or mine


Carl Joseph Roberts

Wasted Time

I know it's just wasted time
As I sit and think of you
I'm holding on to a past
That I know was never true

I know I need to just let go
Of the dream that we once shared
Its a waste of time to feel this way
When I know you never cared

I wonder if you loved me
Like I remember in my heart
It was a waste of time believing
That we would never be apart

I know I must forget your touch
And that promise we would be
For those years we spent together
Are now just wasted time to me

Carl J. Roberts.

It's the feeling that
you aren't just sad about one thing.
You are sad about everything.
Little things.
Big things.
Everything makes you upset.
You end up crying,
And don't really know why.

You can't go to school.
You can't pursue a job.
Not because you are lazy.
Not because you're worthless
Simply the fact that
You can't handle the stress,
Or you're scared of failing.
It makes you scared to do anything,
Really.

You just stay cooped up in your room.
You sleep.
You eat,
on a good day.
You take your meds.
And you just sit.

You lose your social life.
You lose your love.
You lose your passions.
You start to believe dreams are completely
unattainable.
You eventually lose your feelings.

It just makes you feel like
You're going insane.
It's literally the most painful thing in the world to experince.

You want to think better.
Act better.
Be better.

The horrible part is,
You know how to fix it all.
But no one seems to be able to help.

It's really simple things
That would make you happy.
It really is.
But it's like those things are miles away.

Then the vicious cycle begins again.

You fight me,
And fight,
And fight.
You tear out my heart
and slaughter it in front of me.
I hate you.
Crack
You're so worthless
Tear
I never loved you
Break
My fragile heart
Shatters
Because of you.
Because of your words.
Tears blur my vision,
I am furious.
*******
I feel empty.
I walk home,
now nothing but a shell.
Mind numb,
Heart aching.
Crawling into bed,
I cry.
No food for me.
I'd rather starve out my pain.
I slide my razor blade out
From it's hiding place.
So small,
So sharp,
So soothing.
The blade kisses my wrist,
And my wrist craves more.
Salivating
For nothing but
Pain.