My eyes are bloodshot
But they aren’t tired just yet
My eyes look like I’ve seen too much smoke
Like they have swum in too much salt water
They are so dark the edges are almost blue
My friends thought they were black for a while
Two bruises that show everything I’ve felt
Show the scars I cut willingly into my skin
He touched me once or twice when I didn’t want it
I didn’t leave though
His fingers exploring my insides in ways no one ever should
I stayed though because that’s what I do, what I did.
I needed to save him from himself because
He hurt himself more than he hurt me
And he bruised my eyes pretty bad.
Another, he showed me what it meant to not want to live
What it took to beat a soul down to the size of nonexistence
What it took to **** him to the tune of Brand New
I always hated Brand New because it reminded me of you
You with your sad, exhausted eyes and sadistic laugh
I could tell that your laugh didn’t always sound like that
That one bad day, just enough people warped your laugh
Like the sun warps wood, so slow you can hear it
Each crack of the wood breaking your faith, breaking your will
And I lied with you that night on that carpet
As the little white pills mixed with that whiskey
And I carried you to the bed and didn’t call 911
Because you knew that’d be too easy.
After I left, you went down to the river and almost left
A month later, you called to say a 3-hour goodbye
You didn’t end up leaving the ground, so I had to leave you instead
Because my heart broke that morning for the final time
Like wood snapping under the pressure of the too-hot sun
My eyes are bloodshot
But they aren’t tired just yet
Because when I left, I left my crucifix
To the vultures because it was either that or me
And I’m tired of being eaten alive by sad souls
Who don’t know what they’re doing.