it can take 5 days to make something
5 weeks to get a best friend
to cry on their shoulders
5 months to love someone
to be your light
5 years to marry someone
with a full heart
but it can take 5 minutes
to a broken heart

one day I got a perfect life until I had to where black.
all alone with just the priest.
trying to help resit the drink
but made my pocket empty.
but keeps on helping until it lings on to me.  
try to stop but it clings on to me like a magnet
I cant keep going on like this.
and now i'm stuck with no job.
about to get kicked from my own home.
the fear that used to be driven away.
is now coming back.

A blanket I like
It covered  me when i'm stressed
It helped me when i'm sad
It there when there when  i had been a lost
But now i lost it
It gave me light as it took darkness
But now there is darkness with no light.

still standing from very little
surviving with almost nothing
still stand in the place i away did
endured the pain and suffering
still survived but did I on the inside
is like glass right now
people are walking one it
seeing if it would break

trying to feel normal but keeps coming back
the image of a crash everyday
keeps invading my dreams becoming nightmares
everytime I be in that car I relive that day
the pain on my right arm to the my throat getting choked by fear
everytime i be in that car i see the coffee flying from that crash
maybe i will not freak out again if i go in that car

after death after everybody is there
the memories are thought of
of the good times like
the mirage and kids
the grand kids you spoiled
your loved ones move on
when they die the same
will happen to them that's
just life and death

get what you want but why
why not get what you deserve
if you deserve an ice cream then get it
but every action has consequences
because that is what you deserve

people look at me like i have a happy life
but they don't know about the ****** part
it may be **** but it is like a war head
without the sweet part
bout a father who did not try
bout a kid who did not cry
despite the kind of pain
that rain down inside
tore open the world
made him open his eyes
now he understands
what needs to happen
to betray his own father

Light is fading, struggling to see why
I can’t see where i'm going
The colors are turning gray
Not seeing light anymore
Its gone with no light none at all
Then a faint one appeared far away
Is it real is some false hope
Ran to it finding out it was a light
Help me by Gave me some light to see
Now I won’t fall in the holes forming
Because of the light the grew
Until I left, I said my goodbyes
But it was not enough
It was happening again
The light was fading
Felt darker than before
The holes where everywhere around me
I had to move forward
Because i didn't see a reason why
But I gave up and sat there
Alone with no one but
The darkness itself

I am from book from being grounded most my life
from play football tag
from hamburger helper to homemade meals found online
from football on thanksgiving to eating five plate
still wandering where the food went
from exploring in the woods finding some old bones
from strict parents to lenient ones
from going into a dark hole
to climbing out of it
from climbing trees
from injury's from falling
from the saying **** it up buttercup  
from jumping off the swing
from making the family's generations pizza bread
from grilling burgers every Friday night
from baby sitting every week
from a free family

cries with no help
silent with every movement
just there with a mask
keeping problems to myself
but what problems I got none
i'm fine for a millionth time

hide the energy of sadness
with more energy
shut the emotions of fear and pain
only to be replaced by sadness
try to feel other happiness to hide the
sadness and pain so no one will
know how I feel today or tomorrow.

hey what are you doing
i'm doing this
but nobody going to like you
oh sorry
just listen to me
okay
(week later)
maybe i will try a drink

i thought fittin in would help
i realized its like jumpin off the cliff
no one gives a crap
people trying to get laid
but end up getting the maid paid
people tryin seduction
but it gives them the reduction
why not go jumpin off
when everybody else is complainin
maybe lets see what im gettin into

everyone is gone left me to be
the light faded as others took over
the blanket that covered me is now taken
not i am alone trying to be strong
but it never works but i get in trouble
and now i am were i was last time

born with light but-
sometimes we need it to be bright
with the good memories
if we let the light die
so will the happiness
sometimes a wind blows
maybe someone dims it
when it goes out
its hard to be bright again

A good day
well everyday a good day
what could go wrong
people think i'm a sunshine
maybe I am
doesn't mater
because i'm wearing a mask
but you don't know

the moon whispering in the calmest night
as it shines reflecting off your skin
as you look at the whispering moon
you forget the troubles and pain
other has caused and now peace
has filled you bones and heart

you want to know about cold
i guess you have not been told
you might freeze beer
i guess you don't have a tear
try to show some mercy
i guess you don't know how
you try to look down
but im up in the stars
not looking down at you
i don't have time to frown
at you trying to get me down
but i will keep going up
climbing that ladder
not looking at you
because your to below
for me to see you
try to fight me but you can't
reach me because you are on the cliff
about to fall from my drift

in a  dark place  but  
ones light that I can not reach
no matter how hard I try
so  I went and sat  down
thinking for what I have done wrong
but what I did not do right

sometimes being open is good
but there no being closed again

my past actions that causes tears in my eyes
seeing the others in pain.                          
my loved one causing more pain because I caused theirs
before i did not know now it haunts me forever
now i'm wandering if I deserve what I have
because I never saw them again

like a wind a gentle breeze
like a river a clear one
like a steady flow of colors
then someone ruins it
the wind turns to storm
river turns to rapid currents
colors turn one color
and i lose something in me
and my reflexes kick in
then everything slower
then before it was normal

A shadow that is just there
No one knows why
Just there
Watching
And listening
Taking in the light left by others
Wondering how to create a warm light
To fill its hole
that has been there
since the light that came

disgusting sweaty socks why not clean them
putting your feat in me sometimes with no socks
then you throw me out without a care in a world
putting me mud jumping on puddles
even though I don't like getting wet
your gonna use me to the end then
what will you do to me then
please don't

you down you get back up
Use wisdom instead of strength
You Are silent as the night goes on
Wisdom carries like your immortal
But sometimes someone sees you as evil
Like the venom that killed many
But you still are who you are

the happiest person cries the darkest tear
the strongest break the easiest
the saddest have the happiest moment
the weakest have have the longest way
to be the strongest and the fearless

being left alone with the darkness you left me
I am still waiting for your forgiveness
sorry a thousand times filled with pain
but you left me in the darkness
if I could make it better would you forgive me
would you forgive the pain or leave me in the dark
with the darkness that consumes me
sorry for filling your eyes with unspoken tears
just for not saying sorry and not being there

plain like a white board in class
a quiet class while everybody is taking a test
fidgeting with you're pencil
as you wait for everybody to get done
why is this taking so long you thought

the darkness you shrowded me with
leaving me with my thoughts
you left with the light that you took
and now you leave me
what me wandering what I should do
but it's okay i'm used to it
the darkness you left me in
is better than I was with you

as the car leaves
i wonder how far
before they come back
still waiting for only
for jack to come back
to reveal my fate
that they left the state

it came back the gunshots the bombs everywhere
now i can't move parallelized by the choke in my throat
my heart trying to escape with its life on the line in my chest
i try to move but something not letting me
i relive the day of the unspeakable
bodies everywhere
shivering with the same feeling
i wander when i am getting out
of the mind of hell

what place am I
am I a pawn
just a sacrifice for someone
or a replacement
A king
someones most important person
a queen to protect my loved one
or am I the knight
to protect and  
harm any opposing my loved one
maybe i'm the player making the moves

Learning how to fly
Sometimes fear is good
But it can hold you back
You are  going to have to do it some time
Some do try but some are stuck
But some are free
Anyways you need to fly to go up

word have no meaning until you put meaning in them
OR put words on bricks then throw them at someone
then the meaning is to hurt someone

in a party warmness washes over me
as other greet me of my day of birth
looking at the family the warmth feeling
wishing the day would repeat again
as im on a bed of my last breath
i am greeted with a farewell
as i went to a peaceful sleep
as the darkness shrouds me