in a town in which I've never been
you light a cigarette and try to smoke me out of your mind
while I sit here, my ashtray filled with pencil stubs
from trying to write my arms around you

I haven't slept since you left
I've spent my nights searching for the sun
for if I found it, I'd climb right on top
so I could be with you in the morning

but my mornings remain rivers after a storm
memories flowing by like debris
I can't reach them without falling in
so I stand and watch them go

its the watching I can't stand
watching your hand slip from mine
watching the wrong time
convince us that we can't be together

I feel helpless, hopeless
these days hold me prisoner
the hurt trying to torture remorse from my lips
but I will never regret the days I spent with you

when I was with you
you looked at me like there was no past or future, only now
you listened to me like I was Buddha preaching the Eightfold Path
you spoke to me like I was memorizing your every word, cause I was

you hugged me
you held me
you kissed me
like I’m a boy you had a crush on became I’m a boy who loves you

but here I’m a boy who misses you

as the wind blew us together,
the rain shall sweep us away
and come fall we’ll be leaves of different colors

i just want to tell you
that for how forcefully my gut protests at the thought of letting you go
I cannot hear its cries when I think of the time I spent with you

you took my heart in your hands, you broke it in and stretched it out,
and then you gave it back
here, you said,
it is ready

I paint a picture of my face
And hide it every day,
For darkness holds a subtle grace,
Where only the fallen lay.

My mind retreats beneath the veil
Of etiquette and blush
Too far away to sound their wail,
My thoughts fall dead and hushed.

I almost lost my grasp, today,
Amidst the daily act,
For to forget the mask would give away
Something too hidden to retract.

The eyes I wear were  crafted
By eager, destructive hands,
Determined to mold a plastic
To withstand my soul's demands.

You know me not, my sorry friend,
And hidden I shall stay,
For to open up would bring an end
To the most beautiful facade.

My audience calls out the plot,
As I readily obey,
As my feet drag blood across the stage,
They lament their accolades.

I'm hidden here, despite the light
That bears upon my face
Only to find solace in the night
Obscured by a perverted grace.

Please don't leave me,
I don't want to be alone.
I don't know how you feel,
But when you're here its home.
I'm calm, and comfortable.
Able to focus, and be real.
I have a broken heart, yes.
But..
My love wounds attempt to heal.
Love wounds my attempts to heal.
I trust too much, can't handle or deal
When I get let down; get in bad ordeals.
Afflicted, my name it says it all, and I say:
I didn't ask to be born, to grow up this way.
I never asked for a mom, or cried out for a dad.
If they left or they stayed, I wouldn't be mad.
But I never got the option, not even to care.
Dare to be aware of knowing no one was ever there?
I hate the feeling, it hits me deep in my chest
My personality reflects traits that may not be best;
I crave your affection. Really bad, you don't know..
I just need all that love that i consistently show.
I'm afraid to be forgotten, I'm afraid to let you go.

Please don't leave me,
I can't be alone..

A master of disaster, guru of my craft;
Staff-wielding wizard of all that is daft.
**** around and **** up and just not give a ****.
Realized my life is more than just **** for luck.
Some believe in karma, others reside in fate,
I believe I was named well to match my mind state.
Hate on my hand, counter balanced was the plan,
Descriptions of relationships, the ones I can't stand.
Metaphorically speaking, my life is such a ****.
Can U Not Tell? Its not just brash, but clearly blunt.
Its not all that bad, I know, its just hard for me to tell
Where all the angels are, if you're all living in my hell.

Clearly I'm self-aware, copacetic with myself.
Can't help lying, slyly sneaking words in with stealth.
But if I told the truth, I'd find it hard to just continue
living each day revolving around the same issue.
There's a time and place, I'll just let it fall into that.
Slowly bleeding out though, health is ruining my stats.
I wake up every morning like I'm somehow surprised.
The hardest part of doing that's to open my eyes.

I let go of everything that gets too close to me.
It's not really hard when all they want to do is leave.
I can't keep a straight face while my heart beats,
like it's just a joke, or some sick kind of make believe.
I guess my life just likes it to match my humor;
dark, sinister, perverted. That last one's just a rumor.
I ruin lives like addictions to a bad drug,
disconnected mothers that never gave their children a hug,
accidental situations replacing limbs with awful stubs.
The only difference is that I just make it easier to love.
I provide the tools to lose yourself within the moment.
When its gone, I only have one rope, i guess i can loan it.
I need it back though, never know when it could be useful.
Youthful euphemisms hanging from the ceiling, plain beautiful.

Will I ever see the brighter days before my last comes?
Raising my standards after each and every "last one."
My life is like Detroit roads with all its holes and bumps,
dumpster diving bums searching every scrap and crumb.
I can't interpret karma, reasons why it put me here
living life as less of a person than my surrounding peers.
Clouded judgement, but my intuition's much more clear.
I can't find the road, with abundance of potential to steer.