Ive been thinking ; thinking too much
My heart antisipates with darksness and complicated time .
A broken hurt trying to reconstruck itself by the help of a special some one but those dark time weakend or pestered the heart to non trust and pain thoughts running ;through the mind; realistic dreams and fear of loosing the one the heart loungs for  the question is what do i do how can i trust this person having reasons to the pros and cons sos please ?????

Today is another day,
Where Hopes are also new,
Like the clear blue sky,
And fresh little dew,
The positivity of making it the most amazing day,
As i tried  every day,
Positivity one of many to keep in mind or at least try the best,
Find escapes and avoiding negativity,
******* every wall in your way and every rock,
Trying not to trip and fall.

The feelings you own the wish you desire.

How simple can things be put into words.

Past dilama
Past lies
Past arguments
Past problems

All of the past being me here turns to the person I am.

Scared of the lies and the truth at times.

Drowning the feelings
Being scared
Being over protective
Have you ever felt something is wrong but you don't know what it is being scared that when you do find out it'll be regrettable.
The hardship
The time you have put in
The hard work
The infinite about of heart and soul you own put into that friendship and relationships.
You become broken and have to fix you're self finding yourself falling down taking the pain while you stand back up and repair what's damage.
When all that is done and over you become a different person every time you fall and get back up even in the smallest details.
It's hard to trust to believe,it becomes harder and harder every time some time that can destroy you ,destroy what you have it leave a black deep whole in you that's the hardest to fix.
I'm sorry and apologize go thro your head what you could have done better and avoided sometimes feeling sorry for yourself as if your starring at yourself from above watching as if it's a movie where those people make the wrong choice and you know they are and your trying to tell them but they can't hear you bc it's just a movie or a tv show and they can't hear you .
I know some one out their understands what I mean this may not be a poem but maybe just maybe just by reading this their people out their who feel this and won't feel like they are all alone in this world who some call he'll and same just love it ,it is a beautiful world but in this beautiful world it also has the ugly parts in term of ugly events people make this world to be .

                   Ps keep fighting no matter what this world may bring you don't let it control you.

Not feeling much pain today
Don’t know why
Am in pain,
I think.

Don’t feel anything!
No feelings of love
No feelings of hate
No feelings of hope

Feeling neither
pain nor peace
Peace or pain,
the same to me

I should care
I don’t care
I do care,
I think

Love or hate?
What’s the difference?

I don’t care
Does anyone care?
I don’t

I am neither in a negative
nor positive mood

Maybe, I would like to
be neutral for a while

Sounds like a
fine position to be
Neither in pain nor in peace
Neither loved nor hated
Neither alive nor dead

But, on second thought

Neutrality would be painful
Too painful just existing

Lord, please give me the
pain of a true heart

What is pain?
What's this world to me ?
I want to leave this world ?
I know nothing who am I ?

Thanks every one and may be my last type idk maybe when I feel better later on but the deep whole I'm in I can't seem to stand up anymore  ......I'm giving up um yea I might not be on or might be on more now but yea theirs a lot going on and my body just doesn't want to move anymore ppl have hurt more than a haurt on me I'm broken into little tiny peaces that are not even seen by an eye I might be emotionally sick and broken I have so many problems idk if I'm normal or I'm just going crazy but all I ever wanted are the dreams eve had being with some one having my own place having kids later being happy nice friend that just doesn't excist for me in the real world anymore theirs always a fault a block whole in a situation that I can't coup with anymore onces I hit that black whole I sink deeper and deeper every black whole I fall into and I don't have the strength to fight it I think a lot about life and when well mine end tbh right now I dont care about my life where it ends where it starts or what it well be like I just want it to end

I try to seek a weakness to the darkness I seek a gaping while in the dark as I fight with a ****** sword as I see the world I been lost in I try to fight to get to the light as I fight through a huge crowd   asking.my self wishing to myself to find at the end something I've always been searching for to give this live more meaning this bodied world more meaning ......

The hopes

These thoughts in my head go round and round, so I've put pen to paper and wrote them all down

Sometimes life's funny with the way things go, but I don't see the amusement when I'm feeling this low

There's a lot of things in my life that get me down, but because people think differently of me i have to hide my frown

I hide my troubles, my worries, my fears, I hide the hurt and I hide the tears

Sometimes my whole body aches and hurts

And I think.."can my life get any worse?

I wake in the morning and I know that it's time, to do it all again, to pretend that I'm fine!

Longing, wanting, constant yearning

Hating, loathing, frustration burning

Aching, hurting, forever crying

Suffering, cutting, inside dying

Fighting, trying, almost breaking

Holding, clinging, bodies aching

Twisting, Turning, mind controlling

Spinning breaking, sanity unfolding

Questioning, wanting, no understanding

Breaking, weakening, darkness approaching

Asking, begging, happiness awaiting

Hoping, wishing, forever praying

Feeling empty inside
Like there is nothing there
I don’t know how I feel
How can this be?
How can I not know my own feelings?
Feeling so down
Who cares?
No one cares
Surrounded by selfish people
Only wanting what they want
To hell with how I feel or what I am dealing with
Feeling empty inside
Where is everything?
What do I have left to give?
Nothing.
I have nothing left to give
Love just doesn’t seem to be enough
What am I suppose to do?
What can I do to make this right?
How am I suppose to fix this?
Maybe my expectations are too high
Maybe I should not expect anything at all
Well what about love?
Don’t I at least deserve love?
Am I that bad that I am unworthy to be loved?
What is really going on?
Feeling empty inside
Don’t know what to feel
Don’t know how to feel
What is the point of feeling anything?
You will just end up hurt in the end
I didn’t sign up for pain
I signed up for love
I felt it so strong for a while
What happened? Where is it?
I had it in my grasp
It is not perfect but it is mine
I feel so broken
Broken beyond repair
Wondering will  I be able to bounce back this time
Will take years
I loved as strong as I could this time
Didn’t think I could ever love a woman so strong
But I do
Never felt like I needed anyone
But I feel I need her
She has been all I had
I am simple I don’t ask for much
Just love
Give me love
Feeling so empty inside
Tired of hurting
Tired of crying
When is the good part going to come along
There has to be more than the fighting
More than the hurt
Can I please  get this one right
It has the potential of being the best relationship ever
Why is it so hard?  
Wanting that breath of fresh air but it seems so far away
Why does love have to be so complicated?
I remember when things were different and we use to see each other every day I miss you..
Feeling so empty inside

At times I wish I could treat u like ur mine

I love u far more then any can ever love

At times I know...  as if when we hug I can fall asleep huging you and it be the greatest thing in my life ..

I love when we hug it feels as if I have some one who truely loves me..

At times my thoughts in my head ask why haven't I kissed her and showed her the real love I have for her....

I'm scared that when I do she well leave or hate me...

I'm not scared or the thought  just want her in my life for ever if possible....

At times I want to tell you how beautiful  and dam gorgeous you are

At times I just want to love you and what true love is the same way you have given and more....

I love you unconditionally ....

I love you far from what the eyes can see...

I just want you to be mine my heart beats for you and only you.....

At times I see so many woman but the only one I see and think of even when not in my presence  is you .....

Your the only person I can truely trust love and give my all to without a dought or regret.....

I give you my heart and all of me I love you and I always well words that I won't ever regret......

Lies hurt more than the truth

Lies just accumulates

And as soon as the truth hits
The lies hurt more than the truth

That's all my ****** heart has to say ......

Sad stories in me

Part of me doesn't even know what's
Life part of me is lost in this dreams

A house a happy life

Pathetic  you may call

Dreams

Dreams that take longs of times
Things you want but can't have

Things you want but yet seem so far to catch

Theirs some things that can't be bought or catched

Theirs things that only can be dreamed things that only would  be an illusions

I wished for so long for the loyalty and love of another person that I never thought  it only be a dream

I wished for so long I pay with my pain my troubles my personality my trust that I never thought  id loose my heart along the way

Wishes and dreams something that we'll always remain and a past that we'll always pain my body that we'll always bring out my personality of how I seen treatment and how it impacted me to not be that person

The past something that made me the person  I am now

The pain something that constantly well grow as I gain strength as I change who I am and my flaws

You mumble on about friendship

You call your self a friend  

Lies after lies and I accept it and trust them

My life filled with lies

Fake people fake thoughts fake friendships

Used people  love the word the way they don't see they do

People  care people love
But the trick is

When your down and have nothing they take and run as far as possible

You bring your self up get your place every one all of a sudden  talk and make you think they are your friends

It's funny how I've noticed I hate humans

This days

This days I've gotten stronger

This days I don't trust much

This days I don't get hurt as easily  

This days I've been revealed  the kind of ppl surrounding me

Who they really are

This days I've been strong and strict on my friendhips

This days I have dealt with a lot

This days I just haven't cared about the problems around me

This days I have lost the strength to talk to others

This days I have but all the strength towards  me something new that I've never done and I feel better than b4

Pain is all you feel

Pain you say I laugh and say you don't know pain.

You say your in so much pain as I laugh.

Don't Mock me

You have given me pain .

I've gotten to know pain
Num pain
**** pain
Indoor pain

I don't want to talk about you anymore you have cost me enough pain

Sometimes I just wish, I could sleep until the death of me
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here and live each day a lie,
When all I want to do is close my eyes and die?
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed.
I plead with you now mum, let me go instead?
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place,
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face.
Can I ask for your forgiveness? For you to set me free,
It may seem ungrateful, but this life's not meant for me.
Thank you for all your love, for all the time we shared,
It means the world to me, to know that someone cared.

It's all over

Sorry for the days gone by with the secrets I never shared at the time

Sorry for the heart burns I've cost you because of my feelings for you

I'm sorry

I'd never thought my feelings would be such a bad thing

Sorry for the troubles you go through and the thoughts that run through your head

The pain and agony  you go through  because of the thoughts of you hurting me

We are only human nothing is truelly perfect but we make it work

Sorry for the heartache  you get through the running thoughts of the feelings  I get while being next to you

                   I'd just thought id apologize for this special thoughts of loving you the way ud never experienced and never thought that could be real

I we'll stay and fight intell the end

I we'll not give up on something that changed my life

I never give up untill I know  for sure

I love being by your side talking to you

I never want to give up because  im truely lost in you

My full attention lays on you

My full honesty  is on you

My full gratitude is on you

My love

My heart

My mind

My soul

My all I give to you because I love you and your my all

Can you blame me
Theirs things that can not be blamed
Theirs ways that u can not act to say...

If u cant do much but say word because
of a obstacle in the way what may I do ....

But say word that I can prove but yet not do you push and push so I back away little by little ....

You can not blame me...

For their I can only say
If I knew more creative ways to not use word but show you I'd be happy to ......

But I think I've done everything  to show my words in prove and actions...

Plz go away

Please  go away love

Please love go away

Your nothing but pain in my heart

A knife  stabing me everytime

Please go away the feeling who cause  this pain

Please pain go away I beg you

Please go away you have nothing to do in my life

Please  go away my heart speaks to me as the type  and glue stop working

Please go away as I stair at myself mad at myself

Tell me the truth and nothing but the truth no more lies......

Should  I just give up on that dream or would u rather fight for it....

Dreams are dreams after all but some times dreams come to be uyour goal in life....

Should I go through  this pain or should I stop this pain right here right now.....

Should I fight for this......

Should I even give....

I'm lost as a puppy swokes in rain as he keeps walking finding his way.....

Should I keep walking or should  I turn back....

No I should  change again I should  go through  the door as a different person  .....

Yes ...... yes is that what I need

Maybe I should  be scared to death to open my eyes and see better and be more alert to where im walking...

Tears dropping  am I dead can I just leave thoughts that run through my head.....

No you still have something  I think just don't leave yet the truth is what you love isn't it.....

Yes...  Yes I do it give pain but less than finding out late....

Late...  Is what bottle it all together  untill you can't resist to brake....

Laughs its funny how late can cause you more pain......

                                        I'm done..

It's been so long....
So long that I haven't felt a thing..
A single motion repeating its self..
Just standing their watching your life go to waste...
Pain you say sorrow ,agony  no just shut up...
All this thoughts **** you in an instant...
Don't let life be to blame...
Life is just another sad story with a happy ending as they say..
I get it...
But your only human with emotions and moving body parts with souls and hearts...
Get up because this is the beginning and you'll only get stronger as the pain goes away slowly....

Lies all lies and confusion..
Lies that ****..
Lies that betrayed trust....
Kiss that killed love....
Lies that carry pain as an extra touch...
More lies that decieve the point....

Love can't be described,
It has no shape, it has no form....

Love is not an object,
Love does not conform......

Love isn't just a word...  

Love can be disrobed as if it is nothing at moments.....  

      Love has many meanings .........

I love you beyond everything .....
beyond the stars that I can’t see.....

I love you beyond the love that is left
to give beyond trust that we have lived.......

I love you beyond the highs of the sky and the unknown.......

I love you beyond anything any one can ever imagine.........

I "ENTER" your life...

"SAVE" you in my heart...

"SCAN & FORMAT" your problems...

"COPY & PASTE" your kindness...
...and...

Never "DELETE" you from my memories...

I wish you the courage to be warm
when the world would prefer that you be cool...

I wish you success sufficient to your needs,

I wish you failure to temper that success....

I wish you joy in all your day,

I wish you sadness so that you may better measure joy....

I wish you gladness to overbalance grief....

I wish you a humor and a twinkle in the eye....

I wish you glory and the strength to bear its burdens.....

I wish you sunshine on your path and storms to season your journey...

I wish you peace in the world in which you live
and in the smallest corner of the heart where truth is kept....

I wish you faith to help define your living and your life....
More I cannot wish you except perhaps love to make all the rest worthwhile....

Am I good enough for life.
My head fells up with doubts and questions...
What am I doing wrong?  Have I turned into a monster no..  

That's not it...  What am I doing wrong..
Am I good enough  for any one...
Feeling the agony of the past being used as bate, as a toy or a paper plate  ...

Past.....  Laugh what? am I not good enough..
No more replacing me,  no more cheating and leaving me,  no more exchanges, no more doubts of my worth....
  
If im not worth for you then what am I worth for.....

I feel as if I need to stop..
My heart stops and my agony raised  as the thought  of loosing love..

Idk what to do should  I stop?
I feel as if I need to stop..
Feelings confused,  fallen in love with another,  I feel so sad so disappointed in myself....

What am I with, runs through my mind , as my heart slowly shatteres and blood starts dripping out..
What should I do should I stop..
My heart onces again stops...

I offer you my heart yet you deny it for another unworthy of yours....

I offer you my love yet you deny it for pain....

I offer you true love yet you wish for the less....  

I want you but yet you wish for the other...

You say you lost love but yet you still choose him..
He has you traped with millions of doors to walk out through but yet you choose to stay...
What should I  do to earn your heart .....  I want to earn your love; but it seem  your confused yourself as you craved for my heart in the past and as you craved my lips as I do with yours...

I understand that you have been damaged , I don't care becouse I'll be here every step...

I understand you get triggered easily I well always be by your side calming you down....

Every one struggles here and their ill be every step of the way with you....

I understand  that their are nights where you'll curl up on the floor and won't talk to any one, I we'll be their  cuddling you and comforting  you....

I know theirs times you'll shut me out, but I'll still be by your side....

I know you wont be able to trust me for a while because everyone has left, cheated, or chosen some one else; but with me you won't need reassurance because I have shown you my worth....

I understand you'll always need me to keep choosing you, no need to because  I choose you everyday....

I we'll always care for you, you would never be a lot for me because I love being their for you ( being the reason behind your smile)....

I want to touch your heart because I'll always be ready for you.....

I want you to know that ill always be here...
I want you to know that I love you so much more than what you think...
I want you to know that I want to be with you , love you , kiss you, hug you, cuddle with you, fall asleep with you, make you smile, laugh..
I want you to know that I want to be their when you cry to wipe your tears off..
I want you to know that isn't to be the one you love so much and never want to loose...
I want you to know that I'd never hurt you ever in my life..  
I want you to know that I want to grow old with you,  take you out on dates far away from here....
I want you to know that I'd give anything to be with you...
I want you to know that my heart craves for you and when you are near me specially  when you hug me my heart tries to tell yours that he loves her deeply so very much, more than any one can ever think of ...
I want you to know that in my mind all you'll ever find are thoughts of you...
I want you to know that I wish you would realize how much I want you and how much I need you..
I want you to know that I always want to be more than just a friend I want to be yours and you to be mine and still have the peace of us that talk to each other as we where best friends but we are just truelly together......
I want you to know that I want you to be the one I merry, the one I start my life with, the one I'll always have by my side who I can call babe or *** or wife....  
I want you to see who truly loves you .....
I want to heal your heart bring back your soul and joy in your life.....
                                          
                     ­  I hope you see this becouse  I truely wish you would give me a chance to show you how it is to have some one who truly  loves you and really wants to be with you bacause  I want you forever not for an amount of time.....

I would take your pain away,
Even If it took my breath away....
There is nothing I wouldn’t do
If I could only set you free....

When I look into your eyes,
I see sadness deeply hidden.
Fear, desire, and passions,
The things that this experience have given you....  

I want to fill your heart with peace,
And see the joy in your face.
Through the sorrows and the pain
I would gladly take your place...

I'd wipe the tears from your cheeks
Before they ever reach you'r lips...
I’d sooth your weary mind
And heal your broken heart...

All the troubles that you’ve obtained
Would be forgotten with the past...
Your future would be bright
And your eyes well be open and you well see how life is worth a wild...

I have this plan to take your pain away..
It really isn’t difficult..
I’ll just love you every day like I always wanted to do....