Ive been thinking ; thinking too much
My heart antisipates with darksness and complicated time .
A broken hurt trying to reconstruck itself by the help of a special some one but those dark time weakend or pestered the heart to non trust and pain thoughts running ;through the mind; realistic dreams and fear of loosing the one the heart loungs for  the question is what do i do how can i trust this person having reasons to the pros and cons sos please ?????

Today is another day,
Where Hopes are also new,
Like the clear blue sky,
And fresh little dew,
The positivity of making it the most amazing day,
As i tried  every day,
Positivity one of many to keep in mind or at least try the best,
Find escapes and avoiding negativity,
******* every wall in your way and every rock,
Trying not to trip and fall.

The feelings you own the wish you desire.

How simple can things be put into words.

Past dilama
Past lies
Past arguments
Past problems

All of the past being me here turns to the person I am.

Scared of the lies and the truth at times.

Drowning the feelings
Being scared
Being over protective
Have you ever felt something is wrong but you don't know what it is being scared that when you do find out it'll be regrettable.
The hardship
The time you have put in
The hard work
The infinite about of heart and soul you own put into that friendship and relationships.
You become broken and have to fix you're self finding yourself falling down taking the pain while you stand back up and repair what's damage.
When all that is done and over you become a different person every time you fall and get back up even in the smallest details.
It's hard to trust to believe,it becomes harder and harder every time some time that can destroy you ,destroy what you have it leave a black deep whole in you that's the hardest to fix.
I'm sorry and apologize go thro your head what you could have done better and avoided sometimes feeling sorry for yourself as if your starring at yourself from above watching as if it's a movie where those people make the wrong choice and you know they are and your trying to tell them but they can't hear you bc it's just a movie or a tv show and they can't hear you .
I know some one out their understands what I mean this may not be a poem but maybe just maybe just by reading this their people out their who feel this and won't feel like they are all alone in this world who some call he'll and same just love it ,it is a beautiful world but in this beautiful world it also has the ugly parts in term of ugly events people make this world to be .

                   Ps keep fighting no matter what this world may bring you don't let it control you.

Not feeling much pain today
Don’t know why
Am in pain,
I think.

Don’t feel anything!
No feelings of love
No feelings of hate
No feelings of hope

Feeling neither
pain nor peace
Peace or pain,
the same to me

I should care
I don’t care
I do care,
I think

Love or hate?
What’s the difference?

I don’t care
Does anyone care?
I don’t

I am neither in a negative
nor positive mood

Maybe, I would like to
be neutral for a while

Sounds like a
fine position to be
Neither in pain nor in peace
Neither loved nor hated
Neither alive nor dead

But, on second thought

Neutrality would be painful
Too painful just existing

Lord, please give me the
pain of a true heart

What is pain?
What's this world to me ?
I want to leave this world ?
I know nothing who am I ?

Thanks every one and may be my last type idk maybe when I feel better later on but the deep whole I'm in I can't seem to stand up anymore  ......I'm giving up um yea I might not be on or might be on more now but yea theirs a lot going on and my body just doesn't want to move anymore ppl have hurt more than a haurt on me I'm broken into little tiny peaces that are not even seen by an eye I might be emotionally sick and broken I have so many problems idk if I'm normal or I'm just going crazy but all I ever wanted are the dreams eve had being with some one having my own place having kids later being happy nice friend that just doesn't excist for me in the real world anymore theirs always a fault a block whole in a situation that I can't coup with anymore onces I hit that black whole I sink deeper and deeper every black whole I fall into and I don't have the strength to fight it I think a lot about life and when well mine end tbh right now I dont care about my life where it ends where it starts or what it well be like I just want it to end

I try to seek a weakness to the darkness I seek a gaping while in the dark as I fight with a ****** sword as I see the world I been lost in I try to fight to get to the light as I fight through a huge crowd   asking.my self wishing to myself to find at the end something I've always been searching for to give this live more meaning this bodied world more meaning ......

The hopes

These thoughts in my head go round and round, so I've put pen to paper and wrote them all down

Sometimes life's funny with the way things go, but I don't see the amusement when I'm feeling this low

There's a lot of things in my life that get me down, but because people think differently of me i have to hide my frown

I hide my troubles, my worries, my fears, I hide the hurt and I hide the tears

Sometimes my whole body aches and hurts

And I think.."can my life get any worse?

I wake in the morning and I know that it's time, to do it all again, to pretend that I'm fine!