Don't admit to something like an apology

and not say "I'm Sorry"

I wish sometimes that people could be in real life as they are online
That I could just block them to clear my head
or delete them from my contacts so I wouldn't have to deal with them

It would save the cold shoulders
the tense atmosphere
and lives could change for the better

without having to spend it avoiding problems

I've been protecting myself for so long
always pushing back the oncoming walls.

It would be so much easier if someone would be there with me
then maybe we could break down all these walls together

and together we could live in peace

The night is cold and I wish you were here
so I could lean against you
with my head in the crook of your neck
your arm around me as I dream of being with you always.
Knowing you would never leave me.
Knowing I would always be there for you,
that we would always be there for each other
all the time and when the night is cold.

I needed you there when I broke down
late in the night
you always know exactly what to say.

It's like you know what my heart needs to hear.
And you always fix everything.

Or at least you did.

I needed you there when I broke down
late in the night,
thinking about you.

And how you are gone forever.

Maybe someday I'll figure myself out
Emerge from this muddled state of mind
With some form of understanding
of where I am going,
What my destination is
What my intended purpose is

But for now I'm wandering
through this infinate maze in my mind
where each dead end is a new idea or emotion

I have so much to say that I fear if I let myself talk
word will just spill out like a never ending river
Whether anyone listens doesn't matter
It's just writing is never enough,
if I attempted to write all I wanted to say
I would never stop writing

But for now I'll just keep patiently asking questions
the words inside building up

Beautiful pictures are weaved in my head,
so perfect, something that needs to be shared.

And thus I open HelloPoetry and try to write...
but it never comes out like I want it to,
I can't express anything in that perfect way,
it just comes out distorted and leaving behind disappointments.

Boy, why are you so serious?
People liked you because you were
happy, energetic...different.

What has happened to you?
Have you finally succumbed to what society wants,
what you said you would never do?

Where is your spirit,
your joy and weirdness?

Everything is gone,
every last trace of who you were.