As the sun kneels down
its end coming

with a final breath
overwhelming beauty is expelled

before it dies for the night.

I drank
two cups
of mustard water
today

they say
that it will
make me
throw up.

It didn't work.

So I thought of you for the first time in, like, all summer.
I just so totally amazes me that I used to not be able to pass a day without thinking about, not you, but us.

Now I hardly even think of you.
ha, I was so immature before.
Only, now you are the opposite.
You are now more immautre.

You lost, I won.

Loser

I'm ready to be a new person
totally through to the core
but it's taking time,
and I want to be better now.

I don't care about a single word you say

I'm just good at pretending I do

Yeah, I'm a loser, I know.

But I like it that way

cause that means I'm being me

To the top of all the world
To the tasteless underworld
To the center of your heart, oh Cleopatra is the only one you loved
To the demonstrated smile
To the lonely love child
Destination desolation, tell me when you reach the brink of life
Just a picture on your wall
That's nice, what a metaphoric fall
Typically, I was a validation on your sleeve
Oh what an indication
To the center of the pain
Through your tattered window pane
To the middle of your heart

Resolutions and lovers in the kitchen
Love is clueless and destiny is wishing
This is my heart, it's on the line, Selene

This is not what I expect, this is not what I expect
I can see it in your tears and now they're crowning me, the Caesar
Typically, I was a validation on your sleeve
Oh what an indication
To the center of the pain
Through your tattered window pane
To the middle of your heart

Resolutions and lovers in the kitchen
Love is clueless and destiny is wishing
This is my heart, it's on the line, Selene

The night is at it's darkest
right at the point when it's not sure
if it's late night or early morning.

And I'm up and wanting to go somewhere
away from this boring place
where I am trapped at the night.

I never want to get up and do something during the "waking hours"
The sun is too hot, to forceful, I don't know...

The moon is cool, peaceful.
Inviting you to do something on your own.


But I'm stuck not just to a house, but to a single room.

I wish I could get out and do my own thing.



And I will......someday.....

Setting up a new schedule,
changing my lifestyle,
basically changing who I am
(in a way)

I hope this works.

Just because something ended badly
doesn't mean that there wasn't any good
in the foreplay.

I walked through your home-town today.
If you knew this, I don't know if you would be angry.

(I do know that you would be annoyed I still say harbour, and not harbor
you would say once again, "You aren't in England anymore")

Even though you aren't in my life anymore,
you left me with a dream

that's so small
but so powerful.

I walked through your home-town today
and it is everything you said it was.

Just by the sights, the small town feel
I could smell the ocean air,
feel the breeze rushing through my hair
as I rode my bike on the winding Main Street.

Even though you aren't in my life anymore,
you left me with a dream

that's so small
but so powerful.

It was the dream to move away from my normal
to a small harbour town, and love their peacefully,
maybe as the town doctor...
but it doesn't matter how I get there.

Just as long as I do

Something has happened in the last few days.
I can't quite describe all that it is, all that it means

Some resolve has gone,
but so much knowledge has been gained.

A knowing that,
what I have to say isn't as important
as what other's around me need to say.
And that I'm not meant to talk so much as

to simply listen.

So those that see me,
when I don't talk much,
and when I do, speak at a much lower volume than usual.

It's because


I have nothing to say
that's worth listening to.

Why must you sadden us
with a death that's non-existent?

Hey everyone, this is just a little update thingy, but thanks everyone who has been liking and following, it means a lot! I don't have a laptop over the summer so I'll hardly be posting but I'll be writing in a journal to upload some time later in the year! Thanks everyone soooo much! <3

I want to say everything I regretted...no, that I regret not saying.

So much that would've, or could've made everything better, or at least not where we are now.

Isolated.

But only because we aren't together as we should be.

Separated by a crowd and lost explanations.

I needed you there when I broke down
late in the night
you always know exactly what to say.

It's like you know what my heart needs to hear.
And you always fix everything.

Or at least you did.

I needed you there when I broke down
late in the night,
thinking about you.

And how you are gone forever.

There is no calm after the storm.
Just silence on the outside

Anger, frustration, sadness inside.
And there ain't nothing you can say to fix it.

That's the "calm"

I'm not going to let you
harass me like this anymore.

You can kiss my *** goodbye
cause I'll see you again in hell.

Laughing because I sent you there.

D
   r
  i
     p

I won't let myself cry

D
   r
i
    p

It's my fault anyways

D
   r
i
   p

I should've known you were trouble.

D
   r
i
    p

D
   r
  i
    p

I don't even know why
I'm punishing myself

because I'm never going to be like the rest.
I'm never going to be who I want to be.

I don't know why I'm letting myself be left behind
wishing I let myself go but trying to convince myself

it was
the right thing to do
(I know it wasn't)

I can live in denial though
I have and I will.

Everything has died.

The want to save others,
the need to change myself.

I'll sit forever this way
reflecting on my mistakes
wishing i never made them
and knowing I'm deteriorating

not even caring.

Eventually, late at night
when no one is there to see
all that anger
my only defense system

it just melts away,
laying in a pool around me

forgotten

until i need to clean it up
and put it back on.

And all thats left is a skeleton
and a small,
insignificant
slowly beating heart
trying to hide in a fragile rib cage.

I'll just let the webs

close my eyes again

as a slip into a deep sleep.

She's an angel with no God
He decided to take a vacation
before searching for his angel.

She's been out there every second of every day
trying to find her God.

Little angel, calm.
God will find you,
when it's time, when everything will be perfect.

So I have anger issues,
at least I'm not punching through walls

(Although I'm training myself to do so, shhh, don't tell)
I don't want to tell any one that would actually do something of my problems.

They'll just start an interrogation
and that's the last thing I need
(I don't want to hurt them, they think they are helping)

So I guess I'll keep writing messed up poetry
that no one reads because it makes no sense.

And who wants to hear a demented person blab on?

As these muscles clench and unclench all day
trying so hard not to lash out at those I care about
(but why should I care? They don't care about me and they'll leave anyways)

A boxing class would be a great idea right now...
Rather hurt a huge bag of sand then destroy a school laptop.

Beautiful pictures are weaved in my head,
so perfect, something that needs to be shared.

And thus I open HelloPoetry and try to write...
but it never comes out like I want it to,
I can't express anything in that perfect way,
it just comes out distorted and leaving behind disappointments.

Every friend comes as a great person,
we all have our quirks, but that's what makes us unique.

But then the longer I know them,
they start to develop the worst of qualities

Extreme annoyance,
Depression to the point of suicide,
Strangely mean for no reason.

Is it something I did?
Or were they always like that
And I just brought the bad out?

Maybe this is why I don't like people
As hard as I try to see the good,
there's always a ton of bad.

You lay beside me calmly through the night,
I love watching your beautiful face so peaceful.
But suddenly you start breathing heavily, loudly
Sweat starts to drip on the sheets and your face is tense.

I can do nothing but hold your hand as it grabs on mine for dear life.
I know these nightmares are from your past you claim to forget,
a time that scarred you for life, that tortures you in the twilight.

I hope someday you tell me of these dreams and your past
so we can have a full understanding and I can help you,
I need to help you past this so you don't have to agonize in the night.
Because I love you too much to sit by and do nothing

Heart break :

It requires a strength that cannot be found from hundreds of trips to the gym.

When I hold your hand I want to shiver from the comforting warmth
When you trace my face, universes collide in harmony
As we dance, our fingers feel the kind of burning from frozen feet immersed in hot water

I'm getting used to limited oxygen by now

although sometimes my chest tightens up

and I feel an extreme impulse to break out of this glass

Then I remember how many times I've tried

and slump down in defeat knowing


*I'll never get out of here

We each have our loyalties elsewhere

we are just using each other as replacements.

... temporary replacements