The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway… man that’s one long bridge
I drive it every day for my pay - here’s what I see along the way

Here comes:
Corvette Kary, setting pace, he thinks he’s in a race
When Kary’s not waxing his ride, for your safety you'd best pull aside

Petrified Patty, she’s over water and has never learned how to swim
She’s driving a white Lexus, so scared she has no reflexus

Miata Mike, chasing Kary's Vette, not gonna get too far
Trying to convince himself, he didn’t buy a girly car

Watch out for:

Makeup Mary, on cruise-control, wow she’s one of the worst
She loves her new Camry, but her next car might just be a hearse

Yes, that Causeway, can be a long and boring ride
And if you get a flat… there’s no place to pull aside
Oh but that Causeway has its points, take time to see
24 miles of entertainment, and the Northbound way is free

Here comes:

Road Rage Randy, always ****** and he doesn't know why
Today he’s running late, but finds time to escalate

Doughnut Danny, rolling breakfast and a tea
Such mechanized efficiency, has a newspaper on his knee

Wackin Wayne, you're kidding me, you thought I couldn't see?  Vibrating Virginia close behind, now we have equality

We've got:

Maypop Marty, thinks tires last forever
Does he even check the air?.... never

Mark The Spark needs a muffler shop, something heavy about to drop.  Comes Innocent Mike on his motorbike too bad he just couldn't stop.

Headphone Harry and his Pandora, he's here but also... he's not.  He likes his music best, you see, after a few long tokes of his ***.

Fugitive Fred on the go, at 65 point ooo.  Not a mile to fast or to slow, got to blend in on this bridge don't you know.

Yes that old Causeway, can be a long and boring ride
And if you get a flat… there’s no place to pull aside
Oh but that Causeway, has its points, take time to see
The mechanized circus on parade, our hilarious humanity

Don’t forget:

Frozen Frita, every rainstorm stops her dead in her track
Then here comes Ramin’ Ron, goin 60, aint too good for her back

No Tie-down Tim, **** flyin’ out of his truck
For everyone behind him, Tim doesn’t give a ****

NPR Nancy, she must be in a “Driveway Moment”
Only problem is, she’s on a god-**** bridge

Texting Theresa, I’ve saved the best for last
The last thing in life she did see, was an idiotic emoji

Lookin’ Lee, that’s me, pretty sad that I’m just as bad
Come join us nuts on the Causeway, might be the most fun you ever had

New Orleans has its Oaks, the most beautiful in the world
The Oaks they had an occupant, little squawky squirrel
Squawky squirrel stepped out one day, cross the street he made his way
And if he hadn’t changed his mind, he’d still be here today

The widow sweet Ms. Peters, did receive a call
From a handsome gentleman, who went by the name of Paul
Ms. Peters had been interested, in Paul’s cautious advance
But decided she would wait a while, not to take a chance
Now Paul has found his one and only
Ms. Peters spends her nights quite lonely

Oh yes the case of the pretty pilot
Just seventeen in a flying machine
The weather turned black so she headed back
But her boyfriend intervened

Now close if I may - here's what I say
Trust yourself - the odds break your way

Tool of desperate confrontation
Object of pride for a grateful nation
In Baton Rouge on the mighty river
Kidd rests proudly
376' length overall,  Fletcher Class destroyer
Like every ship, of oil she does smell
When I boarded her, she had something to tell

I was with a scoutmaster, my son and the boys
Concerned with their fun, and the making of noise
But late in the night, as quiet set in
Kidd started whispering, to my within

She spoke of the men who gave up their lives
Their children, their girls, the tears of their wives
Thirty-eight men, in fiery fuel
Hell's agony touched, a death so cruel
Fifty-five more, burned badly that day
Defending our country, our homage we pay
Visiting sailors will stand at attention
… and for a young Kamikaze, scarcely a mention

The big war was over, Kidd passed her test
Now to San Diego, for a permanent rest
But as men will prescribe, it didn’t last long
Kidd went back into action, near Korea’s Kaesong

When in Baton Rouge, you can visit the Kidd
If you’re bold, listen carefully, just as I did
You'll get half of the story, the rest we don't know
The men who have fallen, to Kidd's mighty blow

Let's set a new tone and have us some fun
The Kidd's crew were pirates but they didn't run ***

Those flat-tops were fancy, their flyers elite
In the galley was ice-cream, their reward and their treat
When a pilot was downed, Kidd quickly steamed
Then radioed the skipper, "your man for  ice-cream"

Buckets of love, every day
Their feet smell like Fritos, in a good way

But they come with a problem, a heartbreak alas
Their clocks run too fast

The Mills Brothers sang about them
Must be fifty years ago
And science has long figured out
Just what makes them glow

But still when you see one
It’s sure to make you smile
And they can see each other
From a country mile

Hey look at me!
I can light up half the bark on this old tree

Hey can't you see!
The precious gift to you in me

And pay no mind to Jim, can’t you see...
His butts a little dim"

The odds are stacked against them
In every single way
With twin-engine Beechcraft
Shootin' mosquito spray

And the kids they still do it
Tear them all apart
And of all things, sickly things
Make slimy diamond rings

(insert whistle solo)

Trees are getting dozed down
To make room for a bigger town
And scientists want their ***
For Luciferase

But tonight he's not worried, 'bout loss of habitat
Got just one thing on his mind
Her yellow-green behind

Hey look above
A flyin, dyin, dynamo of love

Let it go by
A wonder of the world has touched the sky

And pay no mind to Jim
Can't you see...
His ****'s a little dim

And so when you see one, flashing on the fly
That's the male and like most males, just a loving guy

And laying on the leaf, in brilliant dress that's all aglow
Come to me and introduce, we can reproduce

(repeat whistle solo)

Jasmine and Sweet Olive
Grace the evening air
A silver-sliver crescent
Rests into the west

The din of tiny creatures
calling out for love
Stars wink their approval
From the velvet above

A click and then as if by magic
Out of state news, something tragic
A childhood friend has rolled his truck
A rebel I knew ran out of luck

What color and excitement he gave to my youth!
Corrupted me, to tell you the truth
As memories flood, here’s what they bring
Crazy as it was, wouldn’t change a **** thing

In Baron’s mind, did I still reside?
If so, well then, a part of me has died

If dice land right then old we grow
To bear the loss of those we know
The dark list grows, year to year
So rain love now, on those held dear!

May I press?  Waive to your face
A list that grows at quickening pace

Take heed friend - advice for you
Cause bet you have your own list too

Oh fine jewelry worn by men
Wesley's watch is lost again
"Wesley where's your silver Tissot?"
"Sorry Dad, I do not know"
The little ticker is out of its case
Wesley's watch is lost in space
"Oh now where did my keys go?"
"They were right here a minute ago"
"You lost your keys now, did you Son?"
"Can I use your's Mom?"  "Got to run"
"I found my watch, Dad, mixed in with clothes"
"All the time right under my nose"
But lo in five days, maybe ten
Wesley's watch is lost again
"One day boy, it's going to get snatched"
"And it's a **** good thing your ****'s attached"
Well today the watch is on my arm
Safe from Wesley , safe from harm
It feels warm