I terrify myself
with my resentful
actions---
when did I become
so perfidious...
and the scariest part
is that  I don't
feel the guilt
I should---
or is that what
is alarming...

why should you have doubt
that's like a deep dark black hole
there is no known end
when you question you will lose
that battle just can't be won

Why is it
when we obey pain
it is seen as
heroic and the
normal order;
BUT
if we obey joy
we are considered
romantic and
naive

When actually
yielding to either
takes the same effort,
conforming our senses
to comply with
their interests;
reacting to our
bodies signals,
replying to our
bodies suggestions,
responding with
appropriate
service or distress

Our brain has
all authority,
controlling whether
agony or ecstasy
is the occupation
of this powerful
all important *****

all I thought was "HUH"
my reaction to his rant
"HUH" was all I said
then I turned and walked away
I chose to end it with grace

The obligation comes swiftly
back into my memory

No matter what excuse I make
there's a bond there I can not break

Freedom will become absent
where the promise of debt is present

The power of the pledge is mighty
even if only an assumed duty

Our conscience won't let us forget
we deny ourselves rather than forfeit

I wish for liberty, to rule my own day
but the recollections will always make me stay

a tale of wonder
told with charm and disguised grin
with dreamy delights
with fanciful affection
extravagantly detailed

a very dull ache
its almost not really there
then you remember
all the agony returns
then you must forget again

If I can
quench
my thirst
and
at the same
moment
cure
my ailment;
should I
not then
drink
of the
divine
concoction
of this
love potion
that I have
discovered

don't vow anything
promises most always fail
we make oaths and swear
then you throw life in the mix
and our words tumble and fall

come on..
kiss me from head to toe
lick me about to and fro

come..
touch me here and there
let your hands roam anywhere

now..
flip me over when we're done
get ready to hit another run

then..
lay beside me through the night
arm around me..pull me in tight

His love is dangerous
of this I am well aware
I will never feel secure

So if I know the risks
why do I keep returning
what is it I am seeking

My yielding to him
says much more about me
of that I absolutely agree

He's like a virus in my blood
hazardous to my soul
but still my only goal

Why should I want to hurt myself
can I really be so shameless
but his control over me seems endless

If I were to say no
would that start up another go
once again, another fight
we can't seem to make it right
We have words and how
so very often now
but can we carry on
every moment at full run
So then when you say
there's no other way
we are bound up tight
with no freedom in sight
What can I do now
forever baited by a vow
I don't think this is my dream
I'd rather live in radiances' gleam
I tell him we have grown apart
I'm rather mellow, while you're so ****
he takes that badly
commencing to mope about sadly
As if it's something untrue
sometimes I think he hasn't a clue
but I have to do what's best for me
hoping maybe he'll be able to see
That it will truly be good for us
we could separate with the least bit of fuss
he won't be humiliated with the shame
he really believes people will blame

I

It started with his smile
I got hooked
I found I began to obsess
he nabbed me with his wile
how he looked flung me into endless madness

I must appease this urge
my one vice
to satisfy my mania
when the craving does surge
don't think twice
just solve my current dilemma

My thoughts they run savage
at the least
my impulse to quell this desire
this force causes ravage
feed the beast
briefly halting this inner fire

each picture captures
that moment set in stillness
an image appears
now your senses will perceive
pulling reason from the ryhme

Love has no reason
it is a mad, reckless rush
sensations astir
when a heart fills with rapture
the mind empties all judgements

buy me something sweet
you see pleasure can be bought
and it can be cheap
but comfort must be given
solace comes with truth and faith

How do I figure out how to go
I need to just exit without the show

I want to run to something new
but how can I; when I feel dark and blue

I don't want to hurt anymore
of that one thing, I am for sure

I want a life that is quiet and facile
free from heartache, scorn and hassle

I want a future that bursts into song
I need the evenings to be daring and long

I'd like my days to explode with zest
my spirit to have been deeply caressed

This is all I want; it seems so simple
why do I find it is so unachievable

his words are my joy
his voice can calm me each time
his sins matter not
his eyes show me his goodness
so now even I am his

if but halfway in
in a sense still halfway out
and when halfway up
turn round and it's halfway down
being just part of a whole

let us steal the night
yet return our innocence
let us dream of peace
but fight to release the light
we contradict our own thoughts

don't let time trap you
fling off your woes for today
come and binge on life
go off on a spree of love
it's such a beautiful world

I am prone to chase the words
words that fill me with courage
courage to probe my feelings
feelings which lead me to peace
peace in my hunt for wisdom
wisdom to accept guidance
guidance from other seekers
seekers who see truth as grace
grace to be open and kind
kind in their pursuit of hope
hope in a future with faith
faith to explore their visions
visions which include freedom
freedom to be who they want
want liberty to be true
true to themselves and others
others will sense their candor
candor can open their hearts
hearts full of caution and need
need for happiness and love
love that can flow free and grow
grow bolder and healthier
healthier with no limits
limits waived to let in ease
ease to speak sad, bad or glad
glad for the attention paid
paid with interest rendered
rendered with care and silence
silence to own the moments
moments of brave and real words
words that play their part fully
fully fulfilling their aim
aim to relay ideas
ideas that add a depth
depth of spirit and purpose
purpose to convey knowledge
knowledge to fit in the scheme
scheme to spread peace,hope and truth
truth will overwhelm their souls
souls which want to sway and shout
shout out with passionate joy
joy that arrives with frankness
frankness that has radiance
radiance with daring flare
flare that will inspire sharing
sharing our every thought
thought thrown out to reach and teach
teach each other that words help
help to heal all that we feel

There are so many points of view
perhaps believe in one or two
though on the edge of old or new
maybe taboo, maybe taboo

Sometimes life is lived in secret
if the forbidden can be kept
then life can be lived on a bet
never to fret, never to fret

It's of course best to live anew
notice each and every clue
feel awashed by every hue
live to be true, live to be true

All worry evaporates
as I stand to pray
as I repeat this tranquility
throughout my day

I get those hushed moments
to be there with God alone
to express my gratitude
for all the happiness I own

So as I am surrounded
daily by my usual activity
I know my every night
will end in peace and serenity

The mind runs like a ferris wheel
with the heights you see what's real
turning round on round sets the seal

The body is made of priceless gold
it's value increases as we grow old
this magnificent system is so bold

And there the soul shall always dwell
living in and about and parallel
influencing all moral and emotional

madness has arrived
deadly infatuation
I know what this is
only foolish passion
but so worth my sanity

dominate me now
throw your power in my face
give me my command
please control my very breath
I'm your obedient slave

with our first meeting
came a wave of contention
I am in trouble
deep inside there's a battle
my past against my future

why make me want you
when it never was true
please explain yourself

why make me need you
why didn't I have a clue

why hurt me this way
you had no intention to stay
please tell me the reason

why tear my future apart
I have some blame, I let it start

why do you torture me
why is it I couldn't see
please what didn't I do

why are your words haunting
why is my heart still aching

be a giver
a reliever
not a taker
a claim maker

grant usefulness
show some kindness
never demand
hold out your hand

for those whose life
is full of strife
offer to aid
solutions made

provide some ease
thank you & please
introduce love
from high above

He gives to me his love
he says that's all he has,
if he but only knew
how much that love was worth

The fortune I find
within his smile is priceless
his laugh laced with gold
he's my own dear one

There is a treasure
hiding in his hugs,
he gives them to me
in utter abundance

His kisses carry
all the riches
offered in this world
he's my precious love

As long as he is
giving me his love
I shall remain one of the
wealthiest in this world

sitting in the dark
my head full of words
words that weren't mine
words that weren't kind

can things end like that
what about our souls
is it impossible to be kind
even when another possesses my mind

guilt drums through me
but is it for him or
for me, and all the years
of constant flowing tears

so what do I do
when the dawn breaks
will I still be sitting here
or gone and over there

do I choose what makes me happy
or stay out of a sense of religious duty

Before I met him
I was sure I knew myself
Before I met him
I thought I knew what I needed
But he broke through
every preconceived notion
that I possessed
Before I used to know what was
good, true  & right
Now it doesn't matter about
the appearances--they can really
be way too deceiving
Before I lived a life
of uncertainty, monotony
& sheer loneliness
Living with an ache
for completeness
deep within my soul
His presence has brought me
peace, happiness & a sense
of belonging
Before I met him
I was ready to submit
to my destiny
I was prepared to take
what I had, accept my lot in life
But now, since I met him
I'm not so sure that
I want to give in,
I'm not so sure I
want to settle--
& live my life
as I had before.....

Why is it
that that box
I put away
under everything
is the only box
I seem to want
to look inside?

But I wrapped it up,
I taped it shut
I made sure it
was all inside;
every piece of
our time together,
bits of paper
with words written;
that were word he once spoke

I purged my soul
I scraped out my heart
I thought that would
take care of my agony
but sometimes it seems
the ache will never leave
the words come flooding
back til I think
I'll drown in them all

If I break the seal
on that box
I will only
persecute my soul,
torture my heart,
rip my life apart.
So why do I keep it?

Because the pain
held inside that box
was the sweetest
misery I've ever
experienced.
The most cherished
time I've spent
with abandonment

That is why
that box shall
remain put away
to be there forever
as my safeguard
of discretion,
my defense
of injustice

sometimes I wonder
where new words
will come from,
all the words juggle
for position in  my mind..
my thoughts grab onto a few,
puts them into an order
that might create sense;
perhaps they will succeed
or maybe I need to dig
a little bit deeper to
find that one perfect word,
that makes it fit together..
sometimes the words just
glide gracefully along with
a harmony of their own;
but at other times
it can be a
painstaking process that
can cause much agony,
until the right words are
pulled from my mind,
landing side by side
on my blank paper in
some mystifying fashion
that brings me
satisfaction

SHE
She's so tall, so fair
with gorgeous fine hair
her smile is quick, sweet and free
with lips made to please
kissing with such ease
her laughter will bring you glee

She's a green eyed lass
delicate as glass
precious from the start
she's been touched with grace
a cute, freckly face
and a pure forgiving heart

HE
He's tall with fine eyes
hands just the right size
he's very kind and thoughtful
he walks with head high
he talks with no lies
having a soul so peaceful

With eyes of deep brown
his smile calms you down
he was created to charm
using his sweet voice
he'll make the best choice
his motto "to never harm"

THEY
They met on a flight
attached at first sight
for hours they held their fortune
then the plane landed
so they were candid
caught up in their emotions

they were sure of this
they shared their first kiss
the next hours spent in rapture
now choices to make
wild chances to take
together is their future

I am floating on high
my life has been blessed
thoughts of he make me sigh
my soul has been caressed

Love is such a wonder
we share our secrets
even if we flounder
never will we have regrets

Look at what we've found
joyousness forever
we are tightly bound
we spend our sins together

In your arms I wish to linger
as we dance and sway
each instant lasts longer
as we serve and obey

No moments of dread
this love is so worthy
our time is sacred
our love has such beauty

I was just trying
to protect what I had;
So I said nothing!

I was determined to
remain blissfully happy;
So I said nothing!

I was inclined to
ignore our differences;
So I said nothing!

I was thriving on
our similar proclivities;
So I said nothing!

I was not ever going
to let him down;
So I said nothing!

I was, just this once
letting my heart lead;
So I said nothing!

So I said nothing!

I need to be forgiven
I need to know you
accept my apology
That you can
forget my ambiguity

I must be forgiven
I must feel that
nothing has changed
That you can
ignore my demand

I can't go on
unless forgiven
I can't live with
that look in your eyes
That look of
wondering why

Please forgive what
I've just said
Please can't we go
back to like it was
before I lost my head

Is it just a dream,
a fantasy that will
never become reality.
A vision I have hoped
into existence, yet
has no chance
of survival.
A wish I have
imagined coming true,
conceived in my heart!
A desire so deep
within my soul--
that it can't be
captured--it must
remain free!

In her vacant eyes
I finally see what was never there
that familiar indifferent stare
In her hollow talk
I now hear all the excuses so clear
the way she stays unaffected and bare

When I arrived in her life
her secrets were already made
over the years I've watched her fade
with here empty phrases
with never a promise laid
she's always hedged toward the shade

Wanting some truths; I asked
I found answers that day in the park
when I questioned her demeanor so stark
How much blame do I lay at her feet,
her experiences had left their mark
she can't see her way from the dark

We each have a vision of love
what we believe love looks like
whether it is white or red heat
that gets our hearts to beat

There is the fantasy which some hold
that love will arrive in a perfect package
this breaks every realm of reality
only happening in the depths of poetry

And illusions of happily ever after
disregard all of common sense
love is like a clear blue sky
which instantly can turn grey and smoky

If you find love grab hold of it
live in the happiness it brings
share yourself without restrictions
let your mind be free of expectations

In the beginning
starting with a powerful need
there was fire, desire
a tendency toward greed

In the middle
came the perfect beauty
two hearts possessing
each others every liberty

And the end
brought devastation
two souls not quite ready
for the affairs completion

Perhaps they misjudged and
wonderment was in each part
but, alas, the end was there
with them from the very start

The connection
to him is
broader than
I can fathom.
The connection
with him
can't be broken.
It's the
perfection of
two lost souls
looking for
each others fix.
Looking for
happiness.
Searching for
acceptance.
Our differences
secure the bond.
Our need of
one another
ties the knot.

A YEARS' END

On the last day of another year
I think, I sigh, I shed a tear

So much has come my way
many a beautiful, awe-filled day

All the love I've been given
within this faith I've been livin

All the faces I've greeted
such lovely souls I have meeted

So another year has come to pass
I feel its gains and losses, alas

I thank the blessed year for its glee
it has ended and I feel I'm a better me

A bit wiser and thoughtful; a year older
more informed and a wee bit bolder

Who we try to be
who we want others to see
whispers through our souls

What charms we possess
what leads to our success
wisdom guides the way

When love enters the fold
when life's radiant and bold
will our wonders never end

Where honesty takes you
where loyalty makes true
worry not of the past

Why do we dream with grandeur
why wish for a worthy future
wise have faith and believe!

Wash away all  my grief
Fill my world with belief
Caress away all  my pain
Show me how to love again
Love, Rain down on me
          Rain, rain down on me
Whisper away all  my doubt
Until I can't live without
Cleanse me, from all my past
You'll be the one til the last
Love, Rain down on me
          Rain, rain down on me
Kiss me, let it never end
You're my very best friend
Hold me throughout all our lives
Let's watch how this love survives
Love, Rain down on me
          Rain, rain down on me

Love is a word
when it is heard
there will be joy

Love is a touch
that can say so much
our spirit moves

Love is a sound
maybe in full round
then there is hope

Love is a grace
favor held in place
spreading good cheer

Love is a thought
a moment caught
our minds at peace

Love is a feeling
leaving you reeling
filled with ecstasy

Love is so deep
so risk the leap
follow your heart

Love is a need
all chains are freed
dare to let go

Love is a truth
wherein is proof
so why hold back

Love is to trust
to have faith we must
Yes, believe in fate

Eventually
it will be over

Eventually
it will end

Eventually
it will be gone

Eventually
I will lose

Eventually
I will hurt

Eventually
I will be without

Eventually
I will suffer

Eventually
Eventually

A splash of
vanilla
behind the ear
will make you
smile playfully.
Cinnamon up
your mood today
with a shot of
ginger's juice;
Cayenne up
your pleasure.
Throw some nutmeg
in to boost
the senses.
Take a clove
out for a
spicy treat.
Sometimes we
need to curry up,
so add in
a pinch of
cardamom,
or cumin
it way down.
Have some fun!
We know that
variety
gives much spice,
such fragrance
to our lives!