To solve sleeping problems
They suggest
To keep a routine
And avoid stress
Try to destress
Keep a journal
Write about your day
But it doesn’t help
It never stops
So you shove it away
In a box
Lock it out
For another day
And focus on keeping yourself safe
When you find the courage
To say what you could not
Wait for the time
When there’s space
Only to find
The world forgot
So
So do I
I’ll turn my back
I’ll remember some day
During an anxiety attack
Or was it a flashback?
Or something imposed?
Or something else?
Most of my story
Already seems composed?
How do I know
What’s my own?
I’d love to know
I’m a living hell
To everyone around
Including myself.

I live in Australia
The land of extremes
I grew up in a world
Where everyone screams
I have a body
That holds no peace
My only refuge
The land and the beasts
The sky and the stars
Above my head
I want to see
It’s not time yet
I want to know
Is someone out there
Just like me?
I don’t know

Is your ceiling bored
Like mine?
Too?

My therapist said to me, that one time
“How do you eat an elephant”
She asked, and I danced around
The answer she wanted was “one bite at a time”

But the thing about time is, when you forgot
The weather and the preexisting conditions
Cells break down, and bacteria sets in
I can’t stop time, I can’t change the set

So you build a fridge, to control the weather
Maybe a freezer, to preserve even longer
But even when frozen, nothing tastes quite the same
Forget about the ****, you don’t have the energy to even reheat

It’s all well and good, if you know what you need
So you take out your lists, and you plant your seeds
But what happens, when winter lasts too long
Summer was fine and the calendar‘a long, I’m losing my mind so what’s gone wrong?

I’m not an elephant, nor a plant
A plain old human, or that’s what they say
But all has a reason, all has a purpose
There’s so many things to do, and there’s not enough time

The summer is coming, the time of fire and drought
Keep an eye on your crops, I think there’s an arsonist about
Tolkien I think said it best, talking about strider - the man who just wanted to rest
While somebody else whispers “you know nothing, John snow”

Ned stark said “winter is coming”
And in the end, he was always right

I’m bored
I don’t know what to do
I’m tried
But I can’t sleep yet
There’s too many things I want to do
But I’m not allowed

So I think
And I think lots
And I think some more
I think I think in my sleep
It rarely feels very deep
Unless I’m utterly exhausted, of course

But how do you slow a frightened horse
Before it begins to hurt itself
When you can’t catch it
Without being hurt yourself?

I can walk away
Try to let it go
But have you ever had to sleep
Through a screaming **** show?

I can write it all down like some kind of journalist
With
“Sensational views!”
“Here’s the news”
But the taste is bitter within
Trying to sort out what’s really so
But really, for real, you know?

If I could just let go

And endless life of pain and torment
Not always by my own choice
But touching that
Touches everything else
A house of cards
And a pyramid of glass
A world of clashing continents
Trains collide at the stations
With tsunamis and volcanos eurrupting
Was there ever a space
For Just Me too?
And not be corrupted?

How do you teach a brain that’s built for survival
And feels it’s done extremely well
That all the things it’s been running from
Are gone now, a figment of my imagination

It’s ok to stop, I know you’re exhausted
Can put down the stone, the stick, the rock
Can put down the blade, the knife, the axe
Can put down the tweezers, the flame, the point

But still it all sleeps
Just under my pillow
Just in case it’s needed
Tonight, or maybe tomorrow.

No one likes the poet
Who sits and asks why
So much so
He unwittingly stirs inside

But if you don’t speak with intent
And if people don’t like what they see
They never could grasp
The all that is Me

When grammar doesn’t make sense
Somehow I don’t know why
There’s quite a lot
That people unwittingly let slide

With a similar face is the comedian
Who likes to test the waters
But will happily shout ******* ALL
If he thinks you’re giving him orders

Another time, once a daughter
Loved the thrill and the chase
Go karts hurtling down the hill
Sometimes even competitively winning

I think out of all I miss her the most, she had no fear of going up high
She yelled ‘careful’ as she fell, and prepared to die
Faster and faster, the wind in her face
She flew everywhere, I miss that space

I guess another has other fears
Heights and speeds, shifting through the gears
Stop driving! Let me off, please!
I’ll sink and drown! In the river there..

I can’t see the bottom, the car would sink
You tied me in tight, you really made sure
“wasn’t tight enough” I know you think
All I knew, was wanting to escape

Absconding they called it, then it was escapism
No one really bothered, to stop and ask the reasons
It’s not fair, I didn’t want to die
All I wanted, was just to survive.

Lost in the caverns, too busy exploring
Stayed so long, he missed the morning.
He couldn’t come home. even if he wanted.
He knows too much, but won’t say a word.
Going back, the horrors he saw,
Reflected a world he knew once before.
Familiar, but each with their own little twist
Going back, he seems so lost
This is all so different, and yet still feels the same
Eventually the fog clears, and he can look for a way out
Safety outside, if only he can remember the route
Trapped in this madness he feels so insane
It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to go back again.
Tormented over and over, trapped in his own brain.
You can always go and see him, back in his house
He apologises for the monster so close next door, he wishes he could move out.
-end-