I am in tears I am breaking so why is there no sadness have I become so numb to the pain or have I finally gone cold hope is in my life so why am I stricken with fear there is love in my world so why can't I smile I am confused upon this life but have never felt more aware of it I am truly alive am I right what is this you speak to me I'm not alive this ain't right I reach for your hand to guide me to the greener side and I can see the deception in your eyes as I run from it I keep my legs going to realize I am stuck in place and as I bat away your kindness and refuse the decitful eyes I am truly unmoving  you can take me away from my pain I give up oh there it is the skeleton of myself how warming the past is I need this thank you oh death for I am now happy in this life

Can you hear my soul cracking like the ice beneath your feet as it ripples out further down this ocean that has frozen over from the coldness of my heart and barren landscape of my mind I trudge on watching it crack all the more I am finally able to see the land that I have looked for beyond time and as the ice begins to break beneath me I move to a speed which I thought nought possible and as it comes ever closer to my grasp and sight I am dragged under this sapphire blue sea and I notice how beautiful it truly is under here with everything I could want to be here and as my eyes close to be happy within my self I see the white and feel the warmth of the hand and love that has saved me from falling to my self and finally here to the land I wanted to find out it was the only thing I needed to be once again staring at the ocean that seemed to last to the point of eternity

Crack the whip that bleeds me dry and look me dead in the eye can you see the sorrow can you see the anger I have gone numb to their grasp as they have washed me again and again so why do your eyes finally look like they care is the crimson river that steadily falls my skin or is that you can no longer find that which makes you the powered I know what I can now feel that smile on my face that goes from ear to ear

Through the wind that howls on the precipice  of my emotions I stand on the edge of this bluff feelings like I am standing tall but who do I fool for when this jester is riding high there is one person who can't see he is bluffing and that is the man who stares back at me as I fall from grace the wind begins dilute my screams faster and faster I come to reality and seeing that I stand looking to amibiton I concede to this cruelty that fantasy has wrought

Butterflies welling in heart I can feel each flutter and the words stumble across my tongue. I hold out my hand to see them shake and quiver their hasn't left to that frozen blue. as I can feel warmth begin to melt that frost I shed a tear to only have that icicle pierce my wrist I realize that it was the shadow of broken man. that couldn't be disappointed in the product it is supposed to mimic.knees weaken and the parts to begin lose sensation and feeling I see my shadow grow and as the last extremities lose everything that was there my eyes shut to see my shadow live even a fifth of the life that had been by this cold shattering feeling

As the forest canopies echo with sounds of birds and nature all around me I look to the ground and see the broken sticks and the hallowed out trees that have allowed time to corrode away at what they once were and as I look deeper and deeper into this forest I can see a gentle brook that flows ever farther into the heart of these woods and the green is spreading from it and as I take a sip from the small body of water I notice it not slowed nor should it be by then why does the mind let me not continue am I not the nature that this was meant to serve or am I just destined to be the dam that has built up over the time  and sadly for me I can't break it and as I come to the open space that seems like something should be there I move forward and as I approach and encroach on this beauty every thing dies and becomes just as Hallow as my heart and this forest and as I leave this nightmare that lights shines back on that place I guess my heart is better without me

Pitter patter the steps I hear behind me as my legs buckle from the running I trip and become one with the ground the sound of those footsteps becoming all the menacing I try to get back to my feet I stumble back running as fast they can take me  my fear is keeping me going I can't afford to stop now so why does it feel like I am getting nowhere oh as these hallways are the same I see why I am stuck I feel why I am so heavy I hear the thunderous noises of the approaching dread and see the shadow of my past and the avatar of my future so did I hear only the one which one am I regretting which one is trying to save me and I give in the firgures I can feel my the wind from throat begin to expel from me and I the last respite of air leaves me i am awoken the sight of black and the disgruntled yells of my future

The rolling sky that cascades along the green grassy Knolls of the meadow where I first saw beauty and first saw happiness I go to the spot where I once professed the love I felt in my heart I come the this spot to honour you today and it's like the world knows your gone and becomes the sunset your smile showed to me each and every day  so why is it that you still are the only thing my eyes would see and as I finally put the flowers to the tomb I curl around you and weep the last tears you should have seen but never did and I as lay beside you wondering why it couldn't have been me I look up to see that you have granted my wish to reunite our hearts once more as the stars in the sky of ebony like the hair I so dearly miss I wipe the final tear off my cheek only to find that you have cried for me oh my sweet love the rain is you isn't it

CRASH as my fist collides with the wall and the ripples of skin moves and break drawing the blood the resides in the crevices BANG as my other hand collides with my face and I soaked in my own self hatred and blood that is trying to cover up the wound as I cry at what I have done to myself I feel the sorrow welling up from those around me as I have turned my self into the spectacle of pity i turn around to see the family who loves and the friends who care all seem to become sullen as my anger wells again and I can that heat from it and become addicted to that warmth so as I go to smash that wall I can finally breathe a sigh of relief as I have taken it all out on them wait oh that's right them  here I sit in that warmth so why I am not sad

I walk among the streets covered in the colours of the autumn skyline looking towards the river where I once a stupid child catching frogs and being a kid and as I remember back to that time I hear 3 words echoing with each critter I caught **** YOURSELF ZACK  repeating to drive me mad  and as I run away from it to bring myself to the place I find to soothe my soul I hear another 3 words JOIN THEM ZACK  and as I am brought to tears and consider follow the instructions that my brain so eloquently told me the seasons pass and the years go by every year hearing those same 3 words **** YOURSELF ZACK and as everything comes to a head and I see my opportunity everywhere I walk as the easy way speeds by me so many times I look to hear a new voice LOOK SWEET DEATH  as the horn of the dead whizzes by me and as I am wallowing in the shadow of what life has become  I have no where to turn other than ever so life giving water that made me stupid all those years ago but I hear the 3 last words I ever thought to hear YOU ARE LOVED

"Die you miserable ****** " they yell in my direction but as I look to the wind I see nothing on it " your existence is pointless" as they seem to become more personal as I look to the mouths of those around me I am greeted by deafening silence " no one will lament your death"  as they seem to be saying what I am thinking I try to ignore all outside influences and this noise seems to be the madness I know " NOT ONE TEAR WILL BE SHED YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOT"  as they become me yelling into the world and those around me look at me like I am just mad and not heading there and as I collapse to my knees for I am hurting to much I shove my fingers in my ears and hear nothing but the warmth of that oh so beautiful crimson

They say if you stare into the void the void stares back into you well what happens when people keep gazing into eyes and never seem to leave am I the broken one or are they I am labouring over this and I don't know how to bring it to light and as I realize that the next person looks at me I can finally feel a fire lighting up inside of me what is this feeling it is terrifying me to my very core and as they leave my sight I can't move is the empty feeling that I leave in people but why do I want to follow this person as I run to the firgure looming in the horizon I realize that this feeling is love and it is breaking me but in the best way

I raise my hand to sky  and see the clouds peeking through and I as try to see the images that are showing to the world so why can I only see the blue on which they preside I am trying so why won't it work am I blind as I bring my hand back down to the light gleams through shining like a ray is that what I need to start having sight and as I go to find that light which guide to what I seek why is that when I finally get there I am unable to obtain what I sought I crash to my knees and writhe in anger that I am trying to fight with sorrow and now that I am crying why must this curses light be so bright

Crashing waves break upon the jagged rocks and still manage to stay whole so why is my mind breaking from something that is so gentle and why does my heart shatter from the nothingness that remains I scream into the void and I hear nothing back why won't it yell back all I want is to hear  is that I am there I have gone to deaf to tears over the years

As the grave winds are bellowing beneath my feet  can feel the sense of dread creeping out of the dirt  but if you listen close to those winds you can hear the cries of them ****** rolling amongst the that eerie tune I step to where I have come to see why do I keep hearing those voices and is this real they are happier than me I yell out to the nothingness around wishing the would stop the mockery I have enough from the depths from soul and as I wipe away the dirt from the stone sitting in front of me why is that tear I cried  gone from cheek  oh could this be it yes it is I knew you would save me from the pits I pull from I miss you dear friend let me join you and we shall be together again