CRASH as my fist collides with the wall and the ripples of skin moves and break drawing the blood the resides in the crevices BANG as my other hand collides with my face and I soaked in my own self hatred and blood that is trying to cover up the wound as I cry at what I have done to myself I feel the sorrow welling up from those around me as I have turned my self into the spectacle of pity i turn around to see the family who loves and the friends who care all seem to become sullen as my anger wells again and I can that heat from it and become addicted to that warmth so as I go to smash that wall I can finally breathe a sigh of relief as I have taken it all out on them wait oh that's right them  here I sit in that warmth so why I am not sad

"Die you miserable ****** " they yell in my direction but as I look to the wind I see nothing on it " your existence is pointless" as they seem to become more personal as I look to the mouths of those around me I am greeted by deafening silence " no one will lament your death"  as they seem to be saying what I am thinking I try to ignore all outside influences and this noise seems to be the madness I know " NOT ONE TEAR WILL BE SHED YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOT"  as they become me yelling into the world and those around me look at me like I am just mad and not heading there and as I collapse to my knees for I am hurting to much I shove my fingers in my ears and hear nothing but the warmth of that oh so beautiful crimson

Can you hear my soul cracking like the ice beneath your feet as it ripples out further down this ocean that has frozen over from the coldness of my heart and barren landscape of my mind I trudge on watching it crack all the more I am finally able to see the land that I have looked for beyond time and as the ice begins to break beneath me I move to a speed which I thought nought possible and as it comes ever closer to my grasp and sight I am dragged under this sapphire blue sea and I notice how beautiful it truly is under here with everything I could want to be here and as my eyes close to be happy within my self I see the white and feel the warmth of the hand and love that has saved me from falling to my self and finally here to the land I wanted to find out it was the only thing I needed to be once again staring at the ocean that seemed to last to the point of eternity

Glistening that light from the sun on the break of a new day I awake to see the new morning dew that lines the blades of grass i struggle to pull the sheets off and the nightmare begins I am unable to speak but I hear them all those accursed voices “ you are worthless “ bellowing inside my head as I try to shake my head to come back to the equilibrium where I am ambivalent towards the hatred in my heart and as I leave to see the world the light that had greeted me so kindly now makes me want to nothing but run “ NO ONE CARES “  why must I be unable to curb these demons that claw at my psyche I am falling apart and the tears and emotions are overwhelming as I retreat back to my bed and the safety of my room only to have these demons tug away at my Feet “ YOU CANT BE THERE FIRST LOOK AT YOU “ and as the hours go by and as the time becomes none I see the moon falling upon my window and the tears drying upon my cheeks so why do I feel so warm can I sleep for ever or is that not something that I deserve “ SLEEP IS GOOD I AGREE “ as the words take me away to the bliss I wish I had

Can you hear it those wails of pain trembling through the cracks in my heart can you feel it the blood dripping down my fingertips as I slide them down your cheek I can't hold on to this it slips through my fingers but comes out clean everytime I am seeking and searching but all I find is this false hope which paralyzed me still I can hear it cackling at me from a distance even when it isn't there I am doomed to live in the bask of its remnants or die in the shadow of its promise

Pitter patter the steps I hear behind me as my legs buckle from the running I trip and become one with the ground the sound of those footsteps becoming all the menacing I try to get back to my feet I stumble back running as fast they can take me  my fear is keeping me going I can't afford to stop now so why does it feel like I am getting nowhere oh as these hallways are the same I see why I am stuck I feel why I am so heavy I hear the thunderous noises of the approaching dread and see the shadow of my past and the avatar of my future so did I hear only the one which one am I regretting which one is trying to save me and I give in the firgures I can feel my the wind from throat begin to expel from me and I the last respite of air leaves me i am awoken the sight of black and the disgruntled yells of my future

Blood is dripping and flowing from these wounds that I can't remember where they came from as the drops of this crimson gold hit the floor  why isn't stained why can't it  feel like the dampness of a puddle of water soaking through my skin have I gone numb have I lost too much blood to know  I am falling why is there no stopping this I feel the crash of porcelain and the rushing of water as I take a breath to know I am there all I feel is despair and it's leaving through my wrists which lie on the pristine white tub