It pains me that you don't see what I
Saw that very day
I saw nothing in your eyes
I saw there was nothing I could say
Because you convinced yourself you couldn't be rescued
That you were on your way out
Your declaration of passing away cued
Tears and ended my shout
See I saw that day that you'd never listen
When times got much worse
You'd look to yourself, and if you weren't there
There ain't nobody else that can help
So speak about how I left you
About how all I am is high
About how I abandoned you when you needed me
And blind yourself from the truth you need
You were my constant as well
I'm glad you've already forgotten
I'm glad I meant so much to you
That your only opinion of me is rotten.

Read:
Talking to you last night
Helped me to understand
Understand this wasn’t right
Which is why we changed our plans

I’m not going to lie to you
I’m better than before
I’m not 100%, that’s true
But I don’t think you as a *****

I know that this is hurting you
As much as it is me
I wish there were things I could do
To help you forget about me

Reply:
*I’m shadowed by the memories
I’m hollow with the loss
I’m weighed down by my heart of lead
I bear it as my cross

I know we did what’s best for us
I know we did what’s right
That doesn’t mean I don’t still miss
You holding me at night

Forgetting you is not my goal
My best times that would take
I cannot lose that part of me
I only want to numb the ache

I wish that you could say the same
But that may not be true
Forget me, if that’s what you need
I want what’s best for you

I think about the words wrote before
Wrought with the iron of anger
Dripping with meaning, emotion and more
Each word expressing some danger
I haven't written like that in a while
I guess I've calmed down a lot
I prefer now to take the world with a smile
Learning the lesson not taught
More mature now, maybe
But more childish than ever
Perhaps I'll never lose that part of me
Perhaps it's already gone forever
I'm trying to correct my perceived fault
Trying to change who I am
To reset my personal default
To become a better man
I am no longer a boy
That much is clear
I've put away childhood toys
And held 'adult' things near
I do not want to claim
That I think myself a man
Though I am not the same
I'm not yet finished with my plan
I have a rough outline
Of where I want life to go
I want what I attain to be mine
Skills working in unison to put on a show
I will say for certain
There's no turning back
I'm pulling back the curtain
Releasing light from the black
I've decided a few things
About what to believe
I believe in what God brings
I'll trust Him fully when I leave
I'm not sure of a lot
But I'm not that worried
I still have years left of thought
My life needn't be hurried

I've learned a lot about life
In these 4 short years
They've not been without strife
They've not been without tears
But what I've gone through
Has made me who I am today
I've learned some things that are true
And things that aren't, decay
I'm glad of my trials
Because they could be much worse
They've been softened with smiles
To lift some of the curse
I am the person that I am today
Because of the following:
Because I thought I was in love, but realized that I wasn't
I turned into someone I didn’t want to be me
I found true love in someone unpleasant
And found out that love isn't always meant to be
I've found what true love means
When you're connected with another
I've learned what is needed
To be considered a brother
Knowing what I know now
And knowing that I'll never know all
Gives me hope through the doubt
That I'll be helped up when I fall

***
Coke
Blunt
Smoke
Cough
Choke
Laugh
Joke
Drink
Deep
****
Sleep
Wake
Bake
Con­template
Relief

Smile
Frown
Ups
Downs
Use
Abuse
Tight
Noose
Slip
Free
Just
Be
Smoke
Tree
****
Me
No
Peace
Can't
Breathe
No
Life
Just
****

Now that I've seen you
Things don't seem as bad
We've seemed to figure it out
Trying to embrace the new
And block out the sad
Never farther from you than a shout

I wish we could be
Together right now
But we have to go through this trial
And someday maybe
Somewhere and somehow
We can be with each other a while

And if that's not
What's supposed to happen
There's nothing I can say in retort
I can say that I fought
That I was fully wrapped in
Our love like the best pillow fort

I'm not letting go
Of my love just yet
Though there may be I time I must
I still want to show
I'm glad that we met
And in our combined strength, I trust

It's hard to believe
We're in this position
I've really never been here before
I will not just leave
I've made it my mission
To give all I can and more

So take heart in this poem
Don't let it distract
Keep your head held high in the sky
Let's together show them
That we are on track
To make it out of this all right