The best time to write
is when you are filled
with rage
rage that,
by the end,
ends with the last words
I would throw my fist haphazardly
through the wall
but instead,
I type out these words
and by the
end of this,
if it hasn't
subsided,
I will write
another

"you're lazy"
his favorite two words
he is reminded of them
as I write this
an grips his steering wheel
"learn to use your hands"
"all you do is woman's work"
he likes those too
"you're a throwback"
I tell him
I think to myself
winning shouldn't
feel this *****
he's losing hair now
and he drinks every night
I would hate to blame myself
but who else?
he still runs,
so he hasn't given up on life
my brother will
be what he wanted-
I hope

everyone is waiting
and as you exit the womb
I will exit your life
and be but a footnote
on your early years
but as you grow and mature
I will
have you visit me
but you,
you will be just like them
-I wasn't
although, they won't
**** that up this time,
at least
I don't blame them either
I wouldn't do the same,
though
I ask myself whether I
would ever make an
adequate parent
probably not,
morally

we didn’t talk
for weeks
I hadn’t felt
close for longer
as this
slowly ate
away at
all in
me that was
humane
I slowly
regained myself
and decided
that I
was going to
start
from
scratch

you are my antithesis
virtue, to you,
means nothing
should it?
you hold all
you know
well above yourself
and say nothing in pity
I watch you
from below
taking the path
of Zarathustra
ridding myself
of pagan ideals
because if you
were ever to
speak the truth
like cassandra
you would not be believed
this is not the work of
divinity
this is random chance
and you still
laugh in my face
you are killing me

worth?
well, none of that
applies to you
you sit
with an air
of authority
when you
mean nothing
and do I?
-I who have
broken my
young, able
back
in the quest
for knowledge
when I was not
asked this of anyone
but myself
a guillotine
places it's
chokehold on you
and the basket
awaits your arrival
into
nothing
the kingdom which you seek
holds nothing for you but contempt

your face had a glow to it
but when we made eye
contact- that felt
suspicious
while I slaved away over
everything difficult
you simply enjoyed yourself
I guess everything has a price
but am I still
willing to pay it?