I remember every night
We stayed awake until the sun came up.
I could count every breath
I took with you.
I remember every purposefully
Awkward glance that led to better things.
I remember every word as they fell neatly
Out of your mouth.
I could close my eyes and retrace
Your every outline with a sure touch.
I remember all of your favorite books
And movies.

I don't remember your birthday
Or the color of your eyes,
What your necklace looks like
Or what earrings you wear,
How much you loved me
Or didn't.

And I don't know what's more important.

Happiness is relaxed chaos
And
Sadness is chaos focused.

We live what we can't write,
So some of us do more than others.

And if good art is better left unfinished,

Some girl's beauty is so
Paralyzing.
It stops you in your tracks
Even from a full sprint.
Your heart seems to skip
And words fail you.
And you know at once
That this is
The girl.

Some girl's beauty is
Quiet.
It creeps up on you slowly
And surrounds your senses.
Completely engulfing them.
Then you come to realize
That this is
The girl.

I appreciate the way I fell
In love with you.
A mix between the two.
I held my breath and jumped
Right in.
You calmed my skipping
Heart
And I came to realize that
You were
The girl.

I fell in love with every fiber
Of your being
With every fiber
Of mine.

I can't ever
Get comfortable,
It seems.
And I can't ever
Fall asleep.

Stay up and watch
The sunrise
Chase the moon
Across the morning sky.
And I'm searching
For a word to better
Describe the way
It looks when
The stars are fading out
Against the changing
Colors of the night
Into the morning.
The way the dark blue
Changes tune to
The paintbrush pastels
Of dawn.

And it's stuck
In my throat,
But I'll choke
Before I get it out.

The morning walks
I take,
Take my mind off
Of the way
I can't ever seem to
Find the right words
To say how I feel,
Because watching
This sleeping city wake
Explains everything
I've ever wanted to say.

And it's tired
Just like I am,
But we fight to wake up
Because being alive
Is more than trying
To get enough sleep.
I may be ruining myself,
But at least
I'm enjoying every
Second of it.

I'm falling apart,
And every time I stitch
Myself back together
There's less and less of me,
And I'm forgetting more and more,
But I swear I'll remember
All the mornings I stayed awake
And watched the sun come up
Because those are the memories
That seem to mean the most.

If I could
I would stretch the hours
Between 3 and 5am,
Into days on end
Because that small window
I never want to close.
These hours are
"Line 'Em Up," by States.
They're "Listen & Forgive,"
By Transit.
They're the way
Streetlights look
When you drive under them.
They're the conversations
You only have when you're by yourself.

Two hours
Then it's gone.
They're ephemeral.
And because I don't
Want them to end
I won't let this…

We catcall our deaths
Until they show
A little skin.
Then we run back
To the ones
We've abandoned,
Just to say
We needed them
All along.

We mistake determinism
For free will
We mistake calculated moves
For wishful thinking.

These are our lives.

And if reincarnation
Is just another form
Of procrastination,
Why postpone
The inevitable?

New organs
For old bodies.
Old souls
For new flesh.

When your day
Has come
Will who you are
Be the same
As who
You could have been?

When we finally hit empty
For the last time,
Will it really be
The last time?

All the people I pass by,
Cities unto themselves,
Holding citizens within secrets.
If theses streets could talk
They would speak volumes
About the lives within.
If only I could explore
Every back alley
And examine every
Sidewalk crack.

These strangers don't know
How important they are to me.
I only hope that I am as important
To their existence
As they are to mine.