I know I need to learn
To push my troubles
To the side and worry less,
But every day they
Line up one by one
In front of me
And state their case
And why they’re going to stay.

I feel helpless as they either
Yell or quietly whisper
“I’m going to take over your life.”
And I seem to lose my voice
And can’t even find a “*******,”
For them.

By the end of the day
There’s a single-file line behind me
And they call themselves
“Regrets.”
But I could take them on
Two by two or
Three by three or
All at once

Because at this point
I’m just trying to get to sleep.

I tried sleeping off the days,
But it just made the nights
More unbearable.
I tried sleeping through the nights,
But the days became even longer.

Every week I told myself
I’m going to try to be better.

Weeks turned into days.
Days turned into hours.
And the hours turned into minutes.
I hounded myself every moment
Of every day,
Telling myself that if I didn’t get

Better

I would be done with myself.

I was my own problem
And my own solution.
I wallowed in my own self-pity.
I dug my own grave and was
Ready to lie in it.
I became cynical.
Too blinded by the hate
I harbored for myself
And everyone around me,
I couldn’t see
The answer I was looking for.

Or maybe

I didn’t let myself see it.

After enough time,
My own lies became
My truths.
And I lived by them.
I built myself up
Just to beat myself down again.
I was a house
And my thoughts were the fire.
Consumed by them every day
And at night I laid my head to rest
In the ashes.

Eventually,
It all became too much.
I didn’t enjoy hating myself
Even though I told myself otherwise.
I didn’t enjoy shutting myself in
Even though I told myself I should.
I didn’t enjoy being sad.

Happiness isn’t a destination,
It’s a state of mind.
A state of mind was what I was looking for
All along.

I love where I live
And I’d like to think
That where I live loves me too.
For all of the wonderful things
It has shown me and the feelings
It evokes in me.
I am forever in debt to this place.

Where I live has molded me into
Who I am today,
And helped me to stay grounded.
And although I haven’t done anything
To make me get a big head or a big ego,
I think that if I ever get to that point
All I have to do is wander into my backyard
For an hour or two and I’ll realize
How infinitely small I am compared
To the vastness of what lies just beyond
The tree-line.

And god forbid if I ever forget
Where I came from,
All I need to do is stick out
My hand
And the landscape of this place
Will come flooding back.
All of the hills that I’ve climbed
And the forests I’ve wandered through
Will forever mean more to me
Than any place I’ll ever live.

And when I’m gone away from here,
If I’m ever homesick
I need only close my eyes
And I’ll travel back to the
Only place that’s ever felt right.
Back on the roads I know
Like the back of my hand.
I could trace the topography
In my mind and I know every line.

But I don’t need to worry about
Forgetting or getting homesick
Because home is where the heart is,
So mine will always be with me
Everywhere I go.