You're like every other free-spirit.
No more free than a bird in a cage
Or a fish in a tank.
The only thing you see is your own reflection.
The only approval you need is from yourself
And that's how it should be,
But when the only opinion you see is yours
You have a problem.
I don't mean to sound angry
Because I'm not.
This is a lesson in growing up.
The sooner you learn it the better.
Underdeveloped sense of self-worth
And an overdeveloped sense for yourself.
The world owes you nothing more than the air you breathe
And even that seems like it's pushing it.
Give more than you receive.
Be a humble person.
Easy lessons,
But I guess not for you.

I hope this finds you well.

Sadness is a funny thing
The way it creeps up so quietly
And puts its hands around your neck
And over your eyes.
Before you know it
You're blind and can't breathe
And overcome with grief
And you don't even know why.
But all the memories of worse times
Come flooding back
And sadness comes with them
To open your mouth
And force them all down.
While you're choking on things
You wish you couldn't remember,
Gasping for air
Just dying to breathe,
For a split second you realize
You have control
And that's the second you win over
Your emotions.

I store stress in my bones
And I can feel myself getting older
Because of it.
I just don't know any other way
To live,
But please help me.
I'm too young to die.

My body creaks
And this old house just isn't
What it used to be.
There are things inside of me
That go bump in the night.
My demons I let escape
To destroy what's left of me.

All I want
Is what I need.
Fix me.

I did become cynical,
And I hit many lows
Each one deeper than the last.
It all culminated to the end
And the start of the next beginning.

I let the light from my life
Be beaten out of me and I saw only darkness
Everywhere.
But I overcame and persevered,
And I suppose it's true that even
The smallest of lights beats out the dark.

I sought out anything that could
Allow me to learn more about myself
And the world around me,
To grow deeper, but never to sink
And never drag me down.
If anything, it let me fly.

I now understand why people
Jump from bridges.
It isn't to escape the world.
It's to escape themselves.

I love you so much
It's ******* killing me.
I swear,
If I see you in my head
One more time,
I'll go blind.

And when you say
"I promise,"
Please mean it.
Or I guess stare longingly
Into my eyes and lie like that.
At least it'll make me feel
A little better about the hoops
I jump through for you.

How can the one thing I hate
Be the one thing I need?
And isn't it quite the contradiction
That loving the thing you hate
Brings you both joy and pain?
And so I suppose it's true
That
In the end the things we love
Will be the death of us,
But only ever in the best of ways.

Life isn't a spectator sport,
But oh God,
The way I live mine,
You'd think it was.

Watching it all from the sidelines,
A benchwarmer for my own game.
Neck deep in thought about the way
I can't seem to get a hold of anything,
Anymore.

Responsibility,
From far away and in the dark,
Looks like an attractive prospect,
But up close and in the light,
It's high definition terror at its finest.

"Get a grip and get it together,"
"I can't," I whisper.

I know the answers to all of my questions,
But I lack the motivation and optimism
Saved for those who are worthy of living
A life in the light.

The eternal struggle of needing experience
To gain experience.
Be good and be good at it.

I'm fine.

All I do is not a lot
And those not-a-lots
Tend to add up,
So I guess that
All I do really is something
In the grand scope of things.

And if life is but a dream,
And I spend my days dreaming,
Then am I really wasting them?
Or am I living?
And when will I wake up?

My life is my nightmare
And only when I'm awake
Am I free to do everything.
It's when I sleep that I'm confronted
By all of the things
I'd rather not face.

Tell me what's real.