It's another typical night.
He's fallen asleep again, and yet I continue to speak.
I whisper to him quietly while he sleeps,
wondering if he can actually hear me.
Nevertheless, I remind him how much he truly means to me
and ask him if he's dreaming of me tonight.
I then plant a gentle kiss upon his lips,
rest my head on his chest,
and let my eyes flutter shut.
The soothing rhythm of his heart beat
and the steadiness of his breath
begin to lull me to sleep.
As I fall into black depths of unconsciousness
I know I will dream of him tonight.

I was in a
Car wreck today.
My seat got the worst,
No seat belt on
And I flew.
Luckily I
Put my hands up and
Grabbed the seat in front of me or
I would've died.

Funny how my
Wish almost came true.

Happy birthday to me.

I am the
SAME
as you

I work in your community
I live in your world
I contribute
(too much)
to Capitalism
by frequenting your local stores
and buying
WAY
more items than
I need

I vote for your President
your Congress
your Governor,
I participate in politics because
I care
about the way
our world
functions.

And yet I'm not equal
I'm not "the same."

As if any of us even know what being
"the same"
means anymore

When I dated men you
ALL
applauded me, praised me

Even when I dated total
*******
people said,

"Well you're just too good for him.
But you're such a great person for
being able to see past his
'rough' exterior"

I saw past
SO MANY
'rough exteriors'

And I was miserable
And I forced myself to
PRETEND
to be happy.
And loved
And love-ING.

But then
SHE
walked into my life.

SHE
had been there for awhile,
but I shoved the feelings to the side
because they're
NOT RIGHT

NOT
acceptable

NOT
real

NOT
important

Be with a man they say.
And I followed their rules.

Which lead to alcoholism
drugs
depression
suicide after suicide after suicide,
never
accomplished.

Which reinforced the fact that
my life would be full of
Failure.

And then came the kiss
(when my lips met her perfect lips)
that opened my eyes,
and changed my life.

Now, I may be
Unequal
Rejected
Frowned upon

BUT

There is no frown upon
my face.

For my world is
Complete
Authetic
Rewarding
Real

And I wouldn't change that
to cultivate the appearance of
Equal.

Today I decided to write a poem
So I sat here and thought
And tried to come up with the words for a poem
but I felt blocked
Then I started thinking
of your eyes
and lips
and the bump on the top of your nose
and the way your hair sticks up in the morning
and your laugh, no matter how abrupt it is
and your funny feet
and your flawless, icy eyes
and your perfect, soft lips
And I got lost in thought
About you
And I thought, there was no better poem than you.
And I thought that everyone should know about you.

I watch my amazing
wonderful
thoughtful
funny
boy.

He doesn't belong.

He is merely tolerated
by people he thinks
are his friends.

But I watch.
And I know.

He has no confidant.
He is no one's go-to guy.
He is alone.

I understand his situation.
I lived it.

And it was everything I didn't want for him.

The Loneliness.
The Isolation.
The Wondering...

Why is who I am not good enough?
Why do people not understand me?
Who do I have?

So I say to my son...
you have me.
Always me.

I will accept you
and acknowledge you
and love you.

I will remind you why
you are the best thing that
has ever happened to me.
That you changed my life.
That you are my reason for being.

That people don't understand the depth of your soul.
Your compassion.
Your understanding of humanity.
Already at age 14.

And that someday
people will regret
not knowing you
and accepting you
and loving you
while you move on to people who do.

Until then,
you always have me, son.
Always.

sometimes I feel like all that's
left of me is a lingering headache,
like all I am is short periods of
consciousness punctured by long lots of
sleep,
floating static below the ice
whilst everyone else ambles on,
above.

sometimes I feel like I've never
even touched the air.

like I'm just pretending to
breathe.