My lunches are loud
Friends gather around
To talk and chat
But to me
They’re quiet
And I hate that
I miss
The feeling
Of your presence
And those few times
You would visit my table
And I hate
The feeling you left me with
That lingering sense
Of your absence.

Do you ever feel
You have to stand out
When you have a crush?
I was loud
I was crazy
I went overboard with what I did
Just so he would notice me

Crushes are stupid.
So is love.

I don’t understand
Why you couldn’t say “I love you”

As your best friend
I stayed by your side
And listened to you
As you told me all the time
How it only brings you sorrow
Because three simple words
Can end a whole friendship

I couldn’t understand
Why you kept him at arm’s length
And pushed down those feelings
For satisfaction of his presence

How could I understand
When I was in no state to love?
I never truly liked
Those boys who caught my eye
So I could never understand
Why you’d go to such extremes

But now I do understand
Because like you to him,
I suppress my feelings for you
And accept my position
As your best friend

Have I ever
Dreamt of her?
Well
She was in my dreams
But no,
I haven’t.
Because the real her
Is much better
Than any dream replacement.

Perhaps a simple hi can spark a friendship
Or even being paired for a project
Maybe just cracking a joke can too
Or relating over similar interests you hold
But sometimes the most important friends
Are the ones who just show up in your life
With no memory of how you met them
Just a friend who has been there
With no introductions or relations
Just there
And stayed there

Maybe in the next life you’d pay mind to me,
And not to that boy, whose voice brings you glee.
I want you to praise me, to say you love me so,
But until then my love for you will thus remain unknown.
This day and age I long for you through life’s extremes,
So maybe in the next life, you’ll be more than just my dreams.

My heart so hard of feeling
Has cast its hook to sea
A force pulls as it’s reeling
Going further away from me.

The line that held my precious hook
Has snapped between the force
What was once open like a book
Is now love unclear and coarse.

I sit on the bus
Barely talking in this crowded space
Which is odd—
We used to ride together and talk.

I walk down the stairs
After I enter the school
Which is odd—
We used to race up the steps every day.

I go to Spanish class
Everyone’s quiet and working
Which is odd—
You used to always make a ruckus.

I find my way through the halls
Lost and confused
Which is odd—
I used to just follow you to every class.

I end my day finally
Still thinking about our memories
Which is odd—
They never used to be just memories.

I headed towards the kitchen
And there my brother stood
Struggling to mix something
Stirring so fast he let go and shook his arm
“Hey,” he called, motioning me over
Once I got there he asked me
When the consistency would be right
I said it would take awhile by hand
So we stood in the kitchen together
Taking turns stirring
Until the meringue grew thick
But just not right
We stirred for an hour to no avail
Having switched bowls twice
And using an electric whisk instead
We laughed as our parents walked in
Wondering what the ruckus was about
And insulting our terrible work
But despite our fail we baked it
And what came out
Wasn’t just our ****** meringue
But one of few memories
That we made together

I love you
My sweet girl
I always have
But you never were “mine”

He has
Light blue braces
And an amazingly cute smile

But she

She has
Dark blue braces
And the most beautiful smile
That would
Immediately
Make me happy
Regardless
Of how I felt
Before

I watched as our friendship
Faded to nothingness

When once we were strangers
Then friends
Then lovers
Then friends once again

I’m sure we both realized
That we were better off as friends
But having known you for so long
I know our relationship
Was something much deeper
To the point I would call you
My brother

But as we go our separate ways
I stand at the other side of the crosswalk
And I watch
As you run ahead
And chase your dreams
And I just hope in my heart
That you will remember
Our special bond.

I stalk your poetry account
But I know I shouldn’t
You asked me not to search
You begged me to not try
But despite all you asked
I did it anyways
And I found you
Your poems
All about him
And your feelings that just can’t shake
Your undying love for him.

If I hid my chest away
Under baggy clothes and sweaters
And changed my name completely
To three whole different letters
Would you love me just as sweetly?
Or should I keep my love in tethers
Hiding everything behind
These baggy clothes and sweaters

The night before school
I lie here in bed
Unable to sleep
Though fatigue weighs in my head

The night before school
I spoke to my friend
Regretting our paths
For our journey’s come to end

The night before school
I think of my past
And of the memoirs
I thought surely would last

I wanted to believe
That we could be happy together
You and I
We could be lovers
Lovers intertwined
Tied together by fate
Because my heart
Longs for you
But your heart
Longs for someone else
And so far
I have no chance
Being with you

Still I stand as I watch you fly
Up, up, and away you go
You’re leaving me behind, you know?
But all I can do is watch
Watch as you distance yourself
Watch as you chase your dreams
Watch as you slowly slip from my grasp
And despite all this
I smile
I wish you well
I stand and watch
And I hope to remember
The platonic love and hate we shared
As brother and sister.

The other day
I overheard
Someone ask
“Who would like poetry?”
And I thought
“Yeah, who would?”
As I stared at my phone
The screen lit up
With the countless words
Of the poems I wrote
Why do I like it?
I was never good with words
Yet I continued to type
And I spend my time
Making poems of her
And of life
And of friends
I suppose I like poetry
Because it’s the only way
I can get these words out.

I know the feeling you mentioned
‘Cause I’ve felt it every night

I lay in my bed, phone in hand
Sizzling, tears stream down my cheeks

Each tear fell
Burning away memories
Recalling our chats
Leaving me helpless

My fingers trembled over the keyboard
As I silently type my feelings
Tears endlessly well up
As I type repeatedly
“I love you, I love you, I love you”

But as much as it pains my heart
I delete my message
Because sending those words
Could end everything right there

I hope in life you’re happy
Though I am falling apart
Even if I have to leave
And make our crossing roads part

Your happiness I wish for
I don’t care if I’m there or not
‘Cause I know you like him more
So I’ll let these feelings rot

Mama
Your little girl
Doesn’t know what to do

She lays
Curled on her bed
Fretting over small things

Mama
Please don’t do this
Please stop yelling at me

I’m still
Your little girl
I don’t know how to feel