the swimming hole we used to go to we don’t
go to anymore because it reminded you of
the time your uncle stepped on a
dead child in the sand there on the
bottom murky and dark at that
swimming hole with the
one dollar ice cream sandwiches
on the bottom that had drowned
hours before no one
had looked for it

do you ever look at me and
wonder if I’m really listening
or writing;

And while you cried and kept on saying
“I killed the owl”
or, the “Neighbor did it”
I regarded myself as something that
should care more than I did

And when you cried when
he came and lived
in every black volvo in town
called you when you weren’t home
Three times - “I love you”

I regarded myself as something
that should care more than I did

I was the one who found the dead owl in the shed
and now you think that you killed it
and it feels as though I did
even though I didn't

the greasy man with the beard and the ringo starr glasses pretends to talk about people pretending to like things because they pretend to understand them and I pretend to listen and I pretend to ignore him

I sit eating lunch alone. On TV there's that professor that died last year. You can see the liver spots on his head move. Still talking.

I chose this cinematic hell
However wide or narrow the day feels like being;
And all the while feigning leaving
Cause I know I’ll return very well
In the depths of June when the morning lurches
Into day, and all the wordlessness
Leaks through my fingertips
In quicksilver rivulets searching
The boiler of this house is no more than an attraction
And what does it do? Powers whimsy and pity
And what powers this house? Frigid electricity
Plain old, plain old, and nothing remotely passionate
It’s fake, dark, miserable, whimsical turbulence
And my jealousy stands in the way of anything
And everything done right is just so utterly wrong
Impatience lingers like a wildfire glow in the distance
The phone never rings. Do these hands belong to me?
But worst of all, why won’t they do…Do anything?

feel how fat and drunk the air is:
(it makes my head hurt real bad)
insects fall under the weight of the world in lazy spirals
the trees are doomed
eveybody's gone
you and I lie in wait beneath the blossoms in our car turned off and the air changes static, the rain is coming
the tree will explode and it is imminent
the deflowering
A flurry of shattered flowers
spring came and went too soon
I'm depressed and I don't want this