I woke up to slamming doors
There are too many people doing things today, parents and their kids out walking
And mouth breathing
They're in the way
Idiots
Someone threw away my driftwood
It's a cloudy day, but the light's too bright and everything's too loud
And slow
I want to sleep until it's night again

I lie thickly on top of my bed listening to the fan whirl waiting waiting waiting for you to call but we know you never will.

Today I broke into the subway and took it to say goodbye to you
Your headphones were awfully sharp when we hugged at the airport
The sun was really bright and before the train came I ruminated in an overly hot sweater
You said you hated this place and you were never coming back
Please come back

When I’m dead my allergies won’t bother me
I’m off, alone somewhere
Don’t come because I already left a while ago

Closing the shop at 5 it feels as though I’m turned off too
Listening to the machines turn off is disturbing
The cars running stationary and music blaring
I’m sorry if it seems this way, but I don’t quite love you anymore
I want to get to know myself. And I really wish for that to be ok
I hate spring, I hate hate hate it. I really do.
I see people enjoying themselves, I don’t get it.
You’re mocking me.

the unapologetic trains were where we took shape like flightless shadows baboons searching the narcissistic night

the orchards and yards dunes of shifting hulking shadows of cold riversteel slick with oil like blood on stone

we whetted and sharpened our hands and skills as craftsman of sharing things and knowledge with eyes reflections in the starlight

in the places where the shadows come and go and carry things in two directions right or left forward or backward like time itself

greedy hiding in wait beneath the shadows in valleys in the canyons of technology too tall to see over yet we used it to our advantage

and crisscrossed the orchards shifting like rivers shift the landscape with time with each passing dawn and dusk and everything in between

smoke gutted the places where we hid and slept stomachs bursting with nothing arteries flowing with everything wanting so so bad

like stories shared hopped between our backs like hot things handed to each other in the winter like our backs on the backs of the freight trains hopping the rails

I walk now in the valley of death of fear for the people I think I killed but I am not sure if I did or not or left them for dead and it's dark and I am scared

only my god can help me if my fate was involved in their comings or goings or love or anything that influenced them strongly

When the bright light happened
The clocks stopped and the power was out in the town was lit by rivers of candelabras
We knew it was getting bad when the water reached the elevated trains and we couldn’t leave the city
The empty platforms dead and nailed to the water like catacombs strewn with suitcases being eaten by the ever-ash
irrelevant photographs scattered like flower petals after a rainstorm covered in white
God, it was so beautiful
Like a dead child frozen in a snowstorm
The most beautiful thing I ever saw never meant to be seen, glory only saved for divine eyes now given to me as a gift
Iron split like matchsticks
Heads attached to corpses like burning torches
Then the sky was illuminated with the love
The wounded ground opened
The inferno would burn for three hundred years fed by rivers of lead and arsenic
We spent 17 days off track wandering deep in the sky canyons of doom
I held your hand before death reached it
Before the soft death could overwhelm you
And your eyes like the eyes of the sun gone dim in the stolid atmosphere
I held your rivercold hands and washed you in the ash in the firelight
I read to you and held you tight
I could not let you go but you did before I knew
I would never forgive you for dying