when god lets the gates of the earth close about me finally
how much time would i have spent here to know my worth
or would i be old enough to know what defines it
or what doesn’t

will I be touch starved, would i have filled that empty space
inside my heart
with the fiction of an angel’s stomach
or with fruit, would it be overripe?
and would heaven be preserved doves’ wings
hung made to like like it’s flying??

or just a very dark room
like my bedroom at night with the shades down
with violet air?
would I hear the world going on outside
would i hear trucks drive by
and would I hear my house being torn down
long after I died?

would heaven be petrified
like pictures in a book about gardens
and how they should be
when I know that what
the earth has to offer me is more beautiful?
am I a worm? Will I be a moth
in some two-sun solar system far away from here?
Was i alive before I was born?

when the earth comes about me like
the undertow, the ground drops away steep and cold
would I have been a good woman
or a bad man?

I too am touch-starved, my beloved
I saw your face on an angel’s stomach in my dreams
and when god let the gates of the earth close about me
, I saw you
wrapped in winter seaweed eyes and eels frozen
doves’ wings petrified mercilessly in the water
forsaken shards eye-shadowed like a two-sun solar system
marked like some amazonian trail tree, blazed with rice paper
wet paint, fresh and false and free, my beloved
c-shaped tunnel round about your eye in crimson, like
some caterpillared jesus bust
I retched your likeness into my lap,
, minty razor blades flying across my arms
glistening with human-scent to mimmick
god’s work with lucifer’s lust

I am within myself as each plant is within its fossil
In the calcified ****** that has both been life and when dead
Still given all it could, wearing the earth around it
in one big proud mouthful,
Someday I know I will similarly swallow dirt
And have it round about me like the
deep end of the swimming pool.
except I won’t see anything.
Like I see now, watching the summer taking place from far away
In my similarly chilled tomb making out only flashy bits of light and dark.
Flashy bits in all the horrendous people I meet, too.
Why do people of faith stay alive as long as possible? I ask myself.
I see myself as each plant sees its fossil
my night time yard stares at me like the bottom of a pool does
Vacant and yet enough eyes to make me shudder, so I turn away.
The world is continually assaulting me
And from what I can make of it, I can at least
Have the ability to dream.

As the rose garden is a thief to the day, I am a thief to it at night
I feel the earth, the soil still buzzing with the sun’s warmth
I feel the earth like a chest, the soil is the same temperature as the inside of my mouth, and I
understand I could be buried here and remain very much alive
I determine bees and insects are asleep (do they sleep?)
if insects sleep, is heaven paralyzed like this garden?
like maybe photos in a picture book.
and the bugs live for only a few days, science tells me,
and yet they beat their wings and know exactly what to do
if I had them would I know how just as they do?

I swear I can hear the clear sound of record static
Like snow falling loudly and quietly upon the mic puff
I can also hear the lights and electricity ringing
Like a group of lost hikers found dead in the snow in socks
The neighbors upstairs make knocking sounds at 3am from another dimension

sleep is a beautiful chore
awake is an attic fan lullaby
awake is cars passing by
awake is clothes hanging out to dry

when I go to sleep
I tell myself I’m digging in the cold sand
of that unfamiliar shore

never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers
never compare people to golden retrievers