‘We’ve got chemistry. She laughs at my jokes’, you said.
You slayed me with crassness. I imaged me dead.

Body brain jerks with racked cravings for you
as days upon days, and nights without break.
I willingly grew an addiction to you.
I can’t white the black or forgive my mistake.

I began to need you. All else fell away.
I designed my defeat, by saying yes that day.

Where women were, yes there you were;  
oozing charm like hot melt summer sun.
Those rabbits in headlights; blinkingly
they burned, flap-fluttered, couldn’t run.

She’s kicked you out once. Did she notice you hunt?
Did her heart die when seeing her end?
How can she know you better than me?
How is she more friend than me, ex friend?

You’d never survive on your own, big man.
You don’t even understand bills.
All you know is your stage and your fans -
how to extract the maximum thrills.

I now zombie glaze-like; undead. I howl for my friend and my lover.
I wanted to keep you like real, but living and high highs are over.

So....
In a week we must meet, after six dark lost months...

I've attempted to grow me and tried not to fall
whilst you’ve wooed New Woman and given your all.

There’s no chance to avoid this. It’s a friend’s event...

I’d rather never look at you again
than have you look at me still in pain.

You returned my things by mail with no note. Thanks - I think...

Every reminder or whisper of you
splits me wide open, slices clean through.

I imagine your silk skin; how we passion-played and laughed...

I must be distant, adult and self-controlled
and get back to safety before I fold.

Why can’t you say sorry; you've awoken; that you love me? ...

Ah yes. I recall that you said that you don’t
and that ‘we’ll be friends’, as is your wont.
Well then my love. Oh no we won’t.
Well then my love. Love always. I can't.

‘Not your fault’ says he, with his charming smile - but yes, yes it is.
I saw charming charm like it really is.
I continued, deluding me - thought I knew pain.
Refused to know I’d know this pain again.
She though, lives with her status intact.
I, who had little, no longer have that.
There’s not much to salvage in old sad old tales...
maybe a stone-built cottage in Wales?

My eyes closed, you warm naked sheltered me.
Eyes opened on unending pain.
‘Everyone‘s stupid’ you snigger,
as you cheat and lie again.

My friend lover mate man my guy,
What do I why do I how?
Where do I when do I who am I?
Someone help. What happens now?

She’s much more refined than you, you imply.
She cooks cordon bleu, and will not fry.
She’s passed her MA in her house in the country,
and you, my dear, are a single mummy.

I’m doing you one big favour, you know.
In the public gaze with my music studio -
all women want me but can’t have me, so...
it’ll last while it’s fun then it’s off I must go.

Thanks for discretion, you **** girl.
When you do that just there, all my toes curl…

I, fearfully, would have tried Us.
'We would be a disaster' you said.
I dreamt these golden-hued dreams
of us making it, outside of bed.

‘I’m dumping Her, and I’ve found another,
and now you have to go too.’
Only then did I finally get
that it was always only 'bout You.

I wanted love -  honest passionate.
You wanted me while useful.
I loved you despite, including and because of.
You found faults - plentiful.
I vowed in our fake love to honour you,
but your truth was dishonourable.

I get by - so do you,
but you swagger  like Lord of Thrall.
You’re not all bad or you couldn’t be so good.
You just hunger for new meat.
Bon chance to the next one or two, or threes …
They’ll need it, and I'll get up off my knees.