tell me if you are hurting
and I will do my best for you
tell me if you are hurting
and I will stand helpless for you
tell me if you are hurting and I will try and try and try for you
I am yours to bear all
I want to bear all for you
I cannot help you and you are hurting
tell me if you are hurting
and I will be for you.

i sat these stones and thought new love in the summer
i sit these stones and think old love in the winter

Shakespeare's speech looms an expectant teacher
for my profound profusings on nature
in the colors regal in sunshine in heat
in the drab in the cold in damp so deep

declare! declare! dying Life implores
tell me of love tell me you know
give me your blood, tell me and show

there's no offering for this garden I bring
no tribute of the sort fit for a king
to think love is a lifelong thing

at last, at last, hundred years have gone
her name keeps ringing
at last, at last, she has gone silent
bellicose percussives at once still
alas, alas, she has retreated from memory
frantically grasping at fading tendrils of warmth
alas, alas, what once was
will never be

she is sunshine beaming brightly
like stubborn lights that refuse to darken
like her skin sun kissed and mediterranean
like her song bird voice scintillating symphonic
and her spectrum she dons likely like light dressed
and the marvel her figure statuesque and stupendous
and the way she commands with implied demand
and the way she ponders athenian mind
and how she giggles unbound, alight
and she is my loss for words
and she is incredible
and, and, and
and wow

I squeeze the sodden rags of my psyche for the last droplets to wet my parched mental
I cast my gaze left and right
frantically searching for the thief of my words
the giggling cackling vicious
snatches thoughts from my cradle
whisking them to never
and my thief her sister
whispers to me that there was nothing stolen at all
that this absence has always been there
and the many many messengers
had always the wrong addresses
my missives go to nil
they were not packaged and shipped
they were not stolen
they were not

Bo walks with me
his dark eyes hold a spark
the flicker of a candle in a pool of oil
his black gilt cane grasped with a firm jeweled hand
the thief and her sister in the corners of my vision
always so while I turn my head
amidst the deep green wood
where my dear Bo walks beside me

sitting midnight
storm come creeping
little taps like a hand enticing
a cat across a table
bigger taps like a set of fingers
drumming impatience
and then the gusts it comes and blows
howl thump away it blows
colder and colder that tapping creaks
sitting midnight
the storm to greet

And now you'll always be in my memories
Never too far away, a perpetual influence
You are the moon and you pull me like ocean tides
And now you'll always stain my life in shades of your color

Always now I'm steeped in shades of you
Your likes and dislikes tinting rose the way my life is viewed
Not ever to be something I can touch but always seen
As it is you're too far from my reach.

thank you for being the you that you were
from the me that needed the you that you were
and if the you that you are is not the you that you were
the me that I am still has that heartfelt gratitude
for being the person that made me a better person
and I could wax onwards and upwards
using simile and synechdoche
to praise and emphasize the profundity of your influence
but I find what befits my personality more
is a humble and sombering thank you

as she lies there
sinuous resplendent
idling
light and shade
play radiant on her flesh
gradients
an elbow sinks
into soft bedding
lustfully yielding
as she reclines
skin taut and
scent fresh
a carnal
delight

what is the nature of the interface?
language simmers in the core of our collective memory
language provides us with the ability to codify the universe
and yet it's oilier than a mackerel
language leaps, language stumbles, weaves, and muddles
like a river in runs and turns and bends
and yet it does absolutely none of those things
and yet the listener knows it does all of those things
and this oily fish at the center of the universe is how humanity communes with stardust and sand
and this language, it becomes numbers, things that have always existed but only concretely when attached to a word
are there a finite amount of ideas in the universe? An ostensibly countable infinity?
and does that mean that one day the last original thought will be had?
does that mean that every single thought can be found by compute?
if there was a thought machine, and an infinite amount of time, would it think every thought that would ever be thunk?
or is the universe of ideas infinite?
an ever expanding space of collective thought
of things unthinkable that will one day be thunk
of worlds, patterns, and mental simulacra entirely incomprehensible
could a mental ship set sail on this ocean of thought?
would it ever be able to return to its home port?

they tell you don't be too this
don't be too that
tell you to jump at the drop of a hat
tell you when, tell you how
tell you do it, do it now

they tell you don't be too that
don't be too this
surely, surely something is amiss
tell you it's wrong, that it's excess
say to sit tight and they'll do the rest

But that's no way to live
to sit on laurels and only be give-n
rules and directives
make me scream invectives

drink deeply the life drink of greed
do this too that, do that too this

serendipity
approach quickly
serendipity
expect judiciously
serendipity
a windfall so salubriously
aimless
meander amiss
nonsensical bliss
stop, look, create a twist
proceed the trick so-kissed
and then split

here and there,
so unclear
tremble waver
ambiguate and ennervate
then invigorate
postulate and cultivate
innovate to a stumble
a bumble, a fumble
frustrate with a grumble
expectations crumble
emerge humble

continue
anew
hem and hew
at crafting mental brew
give the brain something to chew
most of all, do.

Put on a smile when no one else can. Put on a smile so that no one else has to
Fake that they're shattered fake that they're lost
Fake that they don't know where to take the next step
Put on a smile to take the ire of those who question
How happy you are and how sad you should
Put on a smile to make it real
Because convince yourself a fallacy
It becomes reality

I met you in the time between embers and aries
when the sky darkens early and the leaves decide to depart from branches
when the cold grey dreary fuels me emphatically
and the cold crispness reminds me I am so delightfully alive
In those fiery red orange embers to the grey bleak aries
was I thus enflamed and envigorated by you
When I met you in that time between embers and aries
and we traded soft whispers and heated glances,
salacious banter and satisfied stares
in that time between embers and aries
where I hungered for all of you
exuding avaricious energy
to slake myself with your scent
and delight in the way my fingers dance through your hair
and revel in the way I trace my desire across your skin

my embers and aries are stained with you

easy bits open, in, down, and next
browse, peruse, idly select
amuse, delight, disgust abject
oversized, crunch, munch, and ruminate
give a glazed gaze and a bemused musing
there's another little bit
oh isn't that nice
it's so perfect
bite sized
delight

you made black look gold
as the pitch curtains cascade and luster
light that shouldn't gleams onyx shimmer
sheens and glimmer angles manifold
you made black be sunlight
scattering shade ensconed dapples
soft embrasure slowly enamors
black is context airily laid
i love the black that reminds me of velvet
the black that echoes of a heavy blanket falling
the black of warm silences between words
but also the black regal sharpness that demands worship
but also the black night sky that beckons eternity
you make black radiant

i
am
thinking of nothing
and you ask me

what
i
am
thinking about?

i am thinking about how nice it is to be thinking about nothing with you

i am squeezing my brain like an orange
wringing out the last pulpy bits of thoughts
to create something
not new nor revolutionary
but altogether me
i am too often open to embrace
likening to a flower accepting sunlight
and i am too little at seizing and advancing
grasping with a deep need to form
and i squeeze my brain like an orange

****.

i don't care about your words the syllables you slap 'heinous' 'detestable' 'horrible'. despicable.

****.

i am tempestuous i am raw i am pure i am unfiltered. it is waves it is motion i am overcome i am numb

****.

you can't have my pain. you can't give me pity.
im holding this tight im feeling it all. i am ice burning fire within

****. ****. ****.

i shouldnt feel this way i cant feel this way why do i feel this way. questioning why i feel. please let me stop
****.
i tumble and stumble i dont want to be known i want to scream and i am screaming.
****.
i am angry at nothing and i am angry for anger i rage and rage against the light that is dead.
****.
it's squeezing me it's pressure it's pulling me it's strain i must forget but i never want to not remember.
****.
im exhausted and i want to go to war i want nothing with it i want everything with it.

think. think. think. all i do is think. and it brings pathetic loathing.
****.

you pull me into this. you pull me down. its sunny outside and i detest. bring me gloom bring me mire. bring me storm. bring me fire.
****.

thoughts of things to come and things i am. prayers for end prayers for eternity.

****.

Shanghai heartbeats human with tumbling turning tiny vessels
it's unbridled chaotic transient transforms envisioned
it's growth and growth irreverent and growth
it's powerful it's frightening it's discordant, it's magnificent

London thrums an overabundance plant bloom on stone crag
ancient, munificent, and sublimely regal it demands
attention, respect, awe and provides plenty justifications
there is an atmosphere I find here where my words fail

Tokyo I find harmonic in its essence,
thrumming and bustling in true city fashion,
yet pocked thoroughly with havens of solace
the quaints and the quicks sprawled out in unity

New York is The City as all other cities are
and it is a cornucopia of cornucopias
as the empirical standard stands tall
densely upwards densely broad ways

Seattle dours in my beloved gloom
spackling stupendous summers in between
gray months incredible
the elements arrive in a conglomerate here

see the vibrant blues and limpid greens
he goes to the doorway stepping through with purpose
he goes to the doorway returning with not
he goes to the doorway once more with resolve
he goes to the doorway back, aspirations dissolved

see the vibrant blues and limpid greens
see smiling faces sweat lined achievement
see climbing achievement
people come and people go
atop mountains across oceans

he sets the stone as she sets four
he sets the stone as he sets more
he sets the stone they've all set some
he sets the stone where've they all gone

to the next on greeener greens more stones and stones
setting and moving and setting and moving

see the vibrant blues and limpid greens
the red number shoes what you have missed
sitting staring saying this is us and this is you
see how we have done and done
as he goes to the doorway
and he goes to the doorway

"I am here! I am here!" he cries
"I am ****** to these coffee spoons" he laments
and the spoons do not respond
as he goes to the doorway

we go then he and I
for me and he must begin again
I step through the doorway as I must with he
I step through the doorway
I step through the doorway the second time
I step through the doorway

there is purpose to find there is a step to take
I am aetherized I am hypnotized
how my days stretch on
but langour and lavish is needed required
because my actions desire much trough
between peaks of vibrant blues and limpid greens

My coffee spoon I take with glee
to drag purposeful from within is extraction unclean
gain love by coffee spoons

I come in the quiet to you in the dark
I come with ennui to you in my heart
I come to you soul
I yearn to be your whole

Let loose earthly tether, simply open
Let loose heady vapor, take flight again
Let loose clearly clear, flow freely
Let me be yours truely

Begin in the center open to oneness
Approach the blossoming flower
Metamorph the self color to color
Cycle the void to totality

Synthesize concatenate and verbalize
Magnanimate, bombasticize, ennunciate
obfuscate, shadow, hide
but touch, feel, and show

chilled lemonade, fresh strawberries and cream
iced out, relaxing, spring in sunbeams
golden moment, timeless dream
the world turns slower, the second pristine
rejoin in the shade under the tree
walk the road home with childish glee
gyre and gimble, play and tease
through wax and wane til summer sun sets beneath
peals to echoes and echoes ceased
tomorrow! tomorrow! oh please, please?
watery melon, juice fresh squeezed
                  cool beans

staring at the people in the nexus of transition
some are walking, jogging,
or dragging their bits and pieces behind them
lumping and ******* across linoleum seams with a clatter
and blitzing along on a travelator
any two of them heading to or coming from a different location
where you're bound and how fast you need to go
or are you right where you need to be
or you're content just going nice and slow
it's microcosmic I see

how dare you be so cute
wandering as you please with attitude
sassy meow at my approach
queen of the house I adore you the most

wondrous shine, your coat so sleek
knocking over things, havoc, you wreak
despite all the toys, it's the box you seek
it's three in the morning and you simply must eat

Tonight I write about the girl I love
Tonight I dream my girl I love

To pour my lifeblood steeped with affection
at your word I do as you beckon
I dream I dream I yearn I yearn
My flame forged heart it burns it burns
of love furiously I do
I do love tightly and closely you

Tonight I write to the girl I adore
Tonight I dream the goddess before

For you for you are fantastic dramatic
I am bombastic
In winding words I more clearly declare
I am to lungs as you are to air
And when I give you myself
I do it wholly devout
it is you I cannot be without

do you mean it or do you just want me?
are you here to make lines on my naked skin
or to nestle your soul in between my heartbeats
do you mean it or do you just want me?

do you hitch my breath with butterfly kisses?
and do you shackle my spirit amorously
and do you bruise my skin with ferocious pucker
and do you see me so deep ardently

do you mean it or do you just want me?
to dance kisses downward on your neck
do you mean it or do you just want me?
to sit with you as time wanders through us
do you mean it or do you just want me?

I wish the stars embroidered on sheets
that you may take them with you when you dream
I wish the clouds coalesce a bed
that you have somewhere soft to rest your head

Sleep my dear in my loving embrace
Let the warmth of my heart keep the cold at bay
Let the light of my soul wake you for a new day

Dream my beloved of fancy of flight
Give me and let me bear your burdens and frights
Wake my beloved and know I am here
To hold you and love you it's you I hold dear

I am challenged by the cold
in this negative space that I am in
full of sappers and drainers
painted takers and gainers
and I am exhilarated by this winter
full of space that I can consume
that takes from me everything
and gives to me revelation

like the last drop squeezed from a parched lemon

Minor bores inside the earth
Cracks splits rising upwards
Witness to cataclysm's birth
Fissures chasms and fiends within
Fire rise higher incite the ire
Demons and gremlins of which the horned one sires
That's it that's all. There's nothing to fear.
The fires and screams are myths of yesteryear

I'm scared to say
I love you
But so easy I say
I hate you

My hate predominates my love
But the other way around is how I
Want to live
To love and love and be in love

But there's an unexpected permanence
To love but not hate
And that prevents my love
From conquering my hate

I want to love more than I hate
But it's easier to hate than love
I don't know

i won't stop missing you
i write all the things i'm too cowardly to say to you
because you mean so much more to me than i ever will to you
and i'm grandiose and over dramatic
and you're so grounded and pragmatic
and i'm interrogative and analytic
and you're so instinctive and prolific

fill your heart with the love that you deserve
drink deeply your happiness birthright
trace with fingers, map her body's every curve
and flushed skin setting afire your every nerve
eyes so filled with each other, the only thing in sight
heart pumping, warm blood, lips gently graze
eyes aglitter as the cosmos in twilight
heartbeat athunder with tremulous delight
idle days lounging, loving laze
a love eternal to preserve
stunned endorphin induced craze
fire starter set your heart ablaze

my shadow of a thought prances with delight
elusive dance
I grasp the shade to tether me to its being
and the mischievous umbral silts through my sieve of fingers
my shadow of a thought breezes between my ears
whispering come hithers
as i clamber, my arms wide
torch wall and shade in the cavern of my mind
and my shadow of a thought coos and urges
its fellows to join the bacchanalia
the cacophonous caverns clamor to crescendo
i'm left blended in thought and shadow
a memory of a memory in my hand
the closing remarks a murmur on my lips

i drift along the web aetherized and soporific
my torpor tenuous and temporal i stumble
upon a ripple that grows unraveling
and i revel in its unraveling gyre
as its descent enriches in the morning light
delight in my dreaming drenching

footsteps approach your bed
like nothing you have ever heard
excitement? or maybe dread?

footsteps in your mind
keep these for the last dance
match the tempo, step to time

you sat on the bed barely a foot away from me
the lighting was dim and it was way past any reasonable bedtime
And I just stared at you not believing you were real
And you were so present and so there and absolutely vivacious
And my mind is thinking a thousand thoughts but nothing at all
And there's a half smile on your face
And I can't help but think there's one on mine
So I struggle for something charming to say at three in the morning
and before a sound leaves my lips
yours are on mine
your hand on my face and fingers in my hair
thumb along the jaw
your tongue caressing a soft dance along mine
And my mind is blank with ecstasy
And that moment is timeless as my mind falls into it
This sweet eternity is seconds and minutes
and then I'm looking at your face and your eyes and there is absolutely nothing else
and we're back
and I want
and I want
and I want
Kiss. Kiss.
Pull on my hair, pull me closer. Claim me with your kiss.
And I'm yours with a kiss and we're hands, arms, lips, and breaths
and I'm staring at you and it's the world I see
as it goes with a kiss and a kiss.

Frost's fingers tenderly twine mine
his breath blithely flutters across my lips
dastardly dancing touches tousle hair with abandon
once, twice, thrice and he has me trembling
Frost's kisses settle upon my cheeks blushing
he dips icy hot dapples lingering longingly
lightly lilting leavings bidding me bashful
im wrapped, i gasp, at last, at last

everything around me is falling apart
but i'm okay and all i want is to talk to you

no one deserves to be beat down
so low
that they feel they can't go lower
and then even lower than that

of course some people need to be beat down
but not so beat that there is no other recourse
because lower than low is the lowest low can go
so elevate
elevate like me
elevate and be free

good morning light flits through the curtains
creeping softly touching bed sheets
that warmly tenderly press upon
the body sleepily waking.

muscles stretch and soft skin tightens
arms overhead as the morning brightens
yawns and soft murmurs bubble to surface
as the city awakens together with purpose

gold morning grows brighter now
as the sun rises higher and the world wakens together
there's the pull as slumber loses its lover
to the day that steals it away

whiskey whisk me
away, find a way to
tryst me risk-ly.
whiskey whisk me
to a day, not today

gold rain floats softly
gold rain descends with omen
gold rain settles quietly
gold rain burns

gold rain poxes the mind
gold rain poxes the eyes
gold rain dusts
set aflame

there's an over saturation of bad and mean
at least from what I see of the world it seems
it's hard to love when all you encounter is hate
and I see so many people who feel the same

this one time in school there was a quote I read
"be the change you wish to see in the world" it said
and it wasn't immediate but epiphany did eventually occur
and I came across a solution to all the complaints for
It occurs to me that to see good people
I have to be good people
So I've been trying to live my life by that

green men in green light
stretched, twisted,
in the midst of occult rite
verdant figures of living dead

the abyss stares where the face should be
something quavers the soul
a caged being that must not be set free
to gaze within is to be the fool

gaze averted, the world begins to bleed
ascend, ascend, the turning gyre
the virulent green, a germinating seed
entrance the mind, bring forth desire

i am hemmingway in my writing
Ernest thoroughly albeit lost
i am writing about a love i know not
i am writing about a style i know not

whittle and whittle and whittle and whittle
no bard can i apprentice no stream can i harness
coming upon a chrysalis i am
your damnation yokes damningly upon me

alien, unknown this domain i yearn
puncture and disrupt my mantra you must

yesterday i realised i missed you.
yesterday i found out i was lost


hey its been forever and a day.
and i haven't talked to you.
seen you. heard your voice.
so i miss you.

i miss the way we laugh carefree
i miss the way we were best friends
i miss that pride i had for knowing you
i miss knowing what you're doing
i miss telling you what i'm doing.

i miss the way my feelings and truths bled free
mouth stumbling carelessly
i miss who i am when i talk to you.
i miss your camaraderie

and its not like im terribly broken up
although if it brought you to me i would be
and that's incredibly greedy of me.


because i want to believe that you and me
are the best of friends and will always be
because im scared that one day it'll be awkward for me to say hi
and i'm going to fight against that feeling
because i miss you.

Hello how are you?

I'm doing okay.
I'm doing okay what can I say.
I'm doing okay as okay can be
I'm not sad I'm not glad
I'm just doing okay.

And that's honestly quite nice
To be middle of the road
No peaks no valleys just a plateau

I'm doing okay and that's where I'm at

hippic haptic, hearty and hale
hear her song sing in the vale
spindling sparkling soul and sound
see splendor doth dance around

feline flying fair and fierce
feel fate's nose nudge you close
nearer, nearer nascent necessity
never newer love leaps to be

there was a lumpy brown couch against the wall of the living room
I sat on beige carpet facing beige wall and couch
light scattered by the pale yellow lamp in the corner
it was upholstered in tough fabric stitched with white diamond brocades punctuated by little red and blue squares
my mother and father somewhere behind me in the kitchen
the squat brown coffee table draped with delicate white cloth sat in between me and the couch
we were just beginning back then, my family and I
and sometimes my nascent memories of this home
happen to intrude upon my thoughts
and I capture this image with fond words
like an awestruck lepidopterist
as the vision in my head flutters like his subject
cherished for as long as it is mine