so you're an e-girl
havin fun online girl
patreon subscribe girl
premium snapchat girl
I'm that white knight
asking you for nudes type
saying I'll treat you right
crying about Chad type
I'm the niiiiiice guy

I met you in the time between embers and aries
when the sky darkens early and the leaves decide to depart from branches
when the cold grey dreary fuels me emphatically
and the cold crispness reminds me I am so delightfully alive
In those fiery red orange embers to the grey bleak aries
was I thus enflamed and envigorated by you
When I met you in that time between embers and aries
and we traded soft whispers and heated glances,
salacious banter and satisfied stares
in that time between embers and aries
where I hungered for all of you
exuding avaricious energy
to slake myself with your scent
and delight in the way my fingers dance through your hair
and revel in the way I trace my desire across your skin

my embers and aries are stained with you

I am an idiot when I see you
Oh how I drivel and babble

My thoughts scatter I'm not alright
I plan some words and plan awry
Train of thought spiral into daydream
Making sure I say what I mean
to say. Because my word I chose
I'm one bizarre
muse

I am an idiot when I hear you
Sonorous and soft sense
Blast I've become too tense
Dismantle me with words
Ones that yearn to be
heard

I am an idiot when I touch you
See how I tremble

Hands touch too tender
Hands touch too excessive
I feel I may be oppressive
I dance fingers with wonder

I am an idiot when I think you
One giant fantastic

Simple things odd things
Honestly anything
It comes to mind
And I turn to find
That I am much too silly

An idiot is what you do to me.

I am just a boy
desperate to be my best
trying trying to improve

poetry is easy because
my thoughts which are so fragmented
i can lay them on paper
and fragmented is no longer
conjoined by stanza and meter
poetry creates thought
out of concated neural signals
and it makes sense
it's so much easier than writing

which is like squeezing the juice out of a dry lemon
or something
of incredible effort and herculean force
writing requires
direction and focus and foresight
far beyond what i can provide

and poetry i jsut ramble and it becomes
an art form i am ok with and i just spit
and it's great and free

where as when i write i am constrained
by second guessing and creative loathing

poetry is easy.

Cold room hard eyes
The man in black steps in to meet his demise
Bold step eyes bright
Tenuous facade to hide his fright

Warm room soft eyes
The man in black returns to life
Bold step eyes bright
Eager, can't contain his delight

Man in black o' man in black
Go to your death with a straight back

Just a man I'm just a man
I can't do much but I do what I can

Man in black dares man in black labors
Man in black slaves under the glares
Bright lights low moans
Stooped backs life loaned

Come home man in black
Come in and relax
Your life you no longer give
Man in black now you live

i won't stop missing you
i write all the things i'm too cowardly to say to you
because you mean so much more to me than i ever will to you
and i'm grandiose and over dramatic
and you're so grounded and pragmatic
and i'm interrogative and analytic
and you're so instinctive and prolific

sometimes I get lonely
and in my loneliness i get this feeling of woe
its time for me to remember that loneliness is just an emote
and sometimes i'll feel happy and sometimes i'll feel lonely
because feelings come and feelings go
but what i do because of them remains.
so when i'm feeling lonely i'll do something great
and when i'm feeling happy i'll do something great
because in the end what i do will be something great.

Whatever I do it isn't enough
It isn't enough to stop when tired
It isn't enough to stop when the task is done
It isn't enough, not hardly enough at all.

There is a need to ascend, and then
There is a need to go even further beyond

Because the stopping point for today isn't the peak
It's the first step of a taller mount
And whatever I do I can always do more

Because once it's enough and I stop I've failed
Because once it's enough and I finish I've lost
what could have been had I just moved forward
that one more step.

Whatever I do it's never enough.
It'll do me good to remember this

Tonight I write about the girl I love
Tonight I dream my girl I love

To pour my lifeblood steeped with affection
at your word I do as you beckon
I dream I dream I yearn I yearn
My flame forged heart it burns it burns
of love furiously I do
I do love tightly and closely you

Tonight I write to the girl I adore
Tonight I dream the goddess before

For you for you are fantastic dramatic
I am bombastic
In winding words I more clearly declare
I am to lungs as you are to air
And when I give you myself
I do it wholly devout
it is you I cannot be without

How do you look sad?
Is it like this or like that
Is it more of a frown or all in the eyes
Water and down cast brow furrowed up top?

I've never seen anyone sad
That's all I can say
So back to the question
How do you look sad?

It's not something you see
On a day to day
Sad people don't exist that I must say
Sad is on the inside it's internal to all

How do you look sad?

gold rain floats softly
gold rain descends with omen
gold rain settles quietly
gold rain burns

gold rain poxes the mind
gold rain poxes the eyes
gold rain dusts
set aflame

i told the stars about you because i love to brag to the cosmos
and i whispered with pride the ways you move me
and i told the stars about your hopes and dreams
and those tiny things that i can't help but notice
i told the stars about you
because the universe made us who we are
and some stroke of fate put me in your path to put me on mine
and it fills me with life

see the vibrant blues and limpid greens
he goes to the doorway stepping through with purpose
he goes to the doorway returning with not
he goes to the doorway once more with resolve
he goes to the doorway back, aspirations dissolved

see the vibrant blues and limpid greens
see smiling faces sweat lined achievement
see climbing achievement
people come and people go
atop mountains across oceans

he sets the stone as she sets four
he sets the stone as he sets more
he sets the stone they've all set some
he sets the stone where've they all gone

to the next on greeener greens more stones and stones
setting and moving and setting and moving

see the vibrant blues and limpid greens
the red number shoes what you have missed
sitting staring saying this is us and this is you
see how we have done and done
as he goes to the doorway
and he goes to the doorway

"I am here! I am here!" he cries
"I am ****** to these coffee spoons" he laments
and the spoons do not respond
as he goes to the doorway

we go then he and I
for me and he must begin again
I step through the doorway as I must with he
I step through the doorway
I step through the doorway the second time
I step through the doorway

there is purpose to find there is a step to take
I am aetherized I am hypnotized
how my days stretch on
but langour and lavish is needed required
because my actions desire much trough
between peaks of vibrant blues and limpid greens

My coffee spoon I take with glee
to drag purposeful from within is extraction unclean
gain love by coffee spoons

don't be afraid
    to bleed brains on paper
    to plead pains unwavered
string sounds slowly
string sounds quickly
do so daringly
rhyme no caringly
    do not balk upon the blind eyed judge judging unwonted
    spray inky gouts
dare defy doubt

I wish the stars embroidered on sheets
that you may take them with you when you dream
I wish the clouds coalesce a bed
that you have somewhere soft to rest your head

Sleep my dear in my loving embrace
Let the warmth of my heart keep the cold at bay
Let the light of my soul wake you for a new day

Dream my beloved of fancy of flight
Give me and let me bear your burdens and frights
Wake my beloved and know I am here
To hold you and love you it's you I hold dear

Hello how are you?

I'm doing okay.
I'm doing okay what can I say.
I'm doing okay as okay can be
I'm not sad I'm not glad
I'm just doing okay.

And that's honestly quite nice
To be middle of the road
No peaks no valleys just a plateau

I'm doing okay and that's where I'm at

i dont dare disturb you
    because i do dont know you
    because it wouldnt be proper
i dont dare disturb you
because chip tip and slip i go
and i go as you go
so i dare not disturb you

and i try i try i do i do
and i dare not disturb you

Play it cool because it's uncouth to emote
Play it cool because I can't put words on how I feel

Play it cool because I'm scared it's unjustified.
Play it cool because I'm not sure how to feel

Play it cool because any other option is terrifying
Play it cool because I don't know if I'm overreacting

vivacious
vividly vivacious
life blood bleeds through my veins
i am so alive
my moments are treasures i keep close
my moments are quests i seek to find
the wind flows around me as i ponder the universe
the steam licks the window as i ponder the universe
i am so alive

Minor bores inside the earth
Cracks splits rising upwards
Witness to cataclysm's birth
Fissures chasms and fiends within
Fire rise higher incite the ire
Demons and gremlins of which the horned one sires
That's it that's all. There's nothing to fear.
The fires and screams are myths of yesteryear

serendipity
approach quickly
serendipity
expect judiciously
serendipity
a windfall so salubriously
aimless
meander amiss
nonsensical bliss
stop, look, create a twist
proceed the trick so-kissed
and then split

here and there,
so unclear
tremble waver
ambiguate and ennervate
then invigorate
postulate and cultivate
innovate to a stumble
a bumble, a fumble
frustrate with a grumble
expectations crumble
emerge humble

continue
anew
hem and hew
at crafting mental brew
give the brain something to chew
most of all, do.

rest the creek, the brook the stream
dear soldier, traveler, pilgrim, dear king
stay and slow father mountain commands
silver wisps of cloud strand stone crown

o father o father there is a dream
I must go I must go I must be leaving
his silent reproach communes and remands
"my son, to me so you may gaze down upon"

"the earth, the mother sleeping tonight"
imperiously meekly father gazes a fondness
mother slumbers 'neath blanket down white
and its here and its here in the earth it is here

the stone and the tree and the river decree
the truth to the traveler the truth he must see
the man who must remember the face of his father

they tell you don't be too this
don't be too that
tell you to jump at the drop of a hat
tell you when, tell you how
tell you do it, do it now

they tell you don't be too that
don't be too this
surely, surely something is amiss
tell you it's wrong, that it's excess
say to sit tight and they'll do the rest

But that's no way to live
to sit on laurels and only be give-n
rules and directives
make me scream invectives

drink deeply the life drink of greed
do this too that, do that too this

machine oil sky fade to black
blue white blue green yellow orange red brown
machine oil sky spectrum spectacle spread colors dripping downwards
soporifims sprinkle heavily

dream curls the mind
the ephemeral feeling like 'this is all there is'
spectre trees stand splitting
machine oil sky change time and
slip sunsetting tonight

hazy mind laying on high
dancing in machine oil sky
coalesce splendid waltz the cathedral
enervate a dreams vision breathing upheaval

gazing awestruck wonderous eyes
dazzled in machine oil sky
it is a tea filter tinting scatter light
machine oil sky what a sight

machine oil sky downwards darker now
machine oil sky begins to die
forever gone until tomorrow again
goodbye for now machine oil sky

I'm having troubles with myself.

    I'm having trouble with the way I think about things in the world
    And it's like I lack scope, I lack vision.
    because there's so many things that I should consider.
    I't s like I'm stepping on eggs every time.

It's troubling to me. That I want to be so considerate
but not lose my sense of identity.

So I'm having troubles with myself.
    And perhaps I'm very poor at wording what I want to say.
    And perhaps I'm not entirely sure what I want to say at all.
    But I'm constantly chastising myself for being so self absorbed.

    It's vascilatory. How I am. In the end, I just feel this unease
    And I don't know how to resolve it.
    It's all a matter of appreciating things more.
    And I think, as I write my introspection I can see that my troubles
    Arise when I have this dissonance

Between the need(?) to appreciate the things around me and
My emotions which I'm having. And I'm trying to understand myself
While I try to understand the world around me. So it's a bit contradictory I know
And it's a contradiction I try not to show.
But it's there and I'm thinking this is me getting more mature.

yesterday i realised i missed you.
yesterday i found out i was lost


hey its been forever and a day.
and i haven't talked to you.
seen you. heard your voice.
so i miss you.

i miss the way we laugh carefree
i miss the way we were best friends
i miss that pride i had for knowing you
i miss knowing what you're doing
i miss telling you what i'm doing.

i miss the way my feelings and truths bled free
mouth stumbling carelessly
i miss who i am when i talk to you.
i miss your camaraderie

and its not like im terribly broken up
although if it brought you to me i would be
and that's incredibly greedy of me.


because i want to believe that you and me
are the best of friends and will always be
because im scared that one day it'll be awkward for me to say hi
and i'm going to fight against that feeling
because i miss you.

every day is forever without you
slumber slowly slogging sleepily
my waking dream my vital lost
lowly lapping lazily, lover.

your hands through my hair
your fingers upon my skin
your sweat down my back

I have a window and you have one too
Mine is right here for you to see through
I have a window it tells you what I am
Mine I like because it shows what I can
be if I try, be if I'm great
What I can do if I'm not too afraid
to try and fail to try and not blush
do what I can and never in a rush

I have a window here it lets me see me
mine is the way by which I can be.

It's too easy to be cruel
To break hearts with words
Render aspirations asunder

It's far too easy to be mean
To ridicule and insignify
Reduce to a modicum

It's even easier to not care
to stop and stare
To see and here yet move no where

Over come with apathy
Succumb to lethargy
It's very easy

there's an over saturation of bad and mean
at least from what I see of the world it seems
it's hard to love when all you encounter is hate
and I see so many people who feel the same

this one time in school there was a quote I read
"be the change you wish to see in the world" it said
and it wasn't immediate but epiphany did eventually occur
and I came across a solution to all the complaints for
It occurs to me that to see good people
I have to be good people
So I've been trying to live my life by that

being loved by a tiger
in so much of a way that sitting in the palm of their hand
or nestled in the crook of their neck
to know that no harm would come in those moments
to be nestled in the jaws of a beast
with such deep suredness that no bite would come
to be freely foolish and lovingly laughable
trusting so implicitly in that love like a universal

Everyone's perfect, that I can see.
Everyone's perfect, why can't I be.

Well I'm beaten and broken on the inside
Well I'm looking for a someone to confide

Everyone's perfect everyone's bright
Everyone's perfect look at my plight

Well I'm hoping I'm looking for a good friend
Well I'm hoping I'm trying to stave off the end

Everyone's perfect don't you dare tell me that
Everyone's perfect don't you dare tell me that
Everyone's perfect don't you dare tell me that
Everyone's perfect what do I lack.

This is where the bench begins
four feet inward from the sidewalk curb
weather torn iron cast legs
corrugated wood spans.

cold fingers dance along
trembling touching tantalizing
it's icy and it's stark and the grey dull bench
is.

Clouds dance greys in a sea under a sea
exploring shades of monotone passing photons downwards
and the cold air ushers a low howl: dead winter has arrived

the heart is a mariner lost at sea
lost, forlorn looking for land for he
floats through currents eddies and flows
living and looking where the ocean goes

the heart bobs along with loves thirst to slake
search for the one hearts feelings will take
heart hopes and heart dreams
despite all that seems

i drift along the web aetherized and soporific
my torpor tenuous and temporal i stumble
upon a ripple that grows unraveling
and i revel in its unraveling gyre
as its descent enriches in the morning light
delight in my dreaming drenching

i am here with the secrets that i keep
the things that i hide oh so deep
because a secret isn't a secret once it's told
and i dearly do have secrets i hold

Some times it's time
to slow it all stop
to skip the caps lock
displace the top
and split scatter spread
disengage and dispense
Of Rigidity Of Terms and Terse Condition

break down and break down
     collapse and crumble
          splinter and scramble

Dust to dust over again
That's where it goes that's where it ends

He sits in his chair
Unentertained and lax
He sits in his chair in his sterile room
Read the writing on the wall and see it all soon

Time to go.

detatch
and remove the
emotion and pathos
from the poem.
and put into logos everything
"the author wrote this because of that"
in simple cause and effect.
Detatch because apathy conveyed
comes clinical, clerical cold.
Passion conveyed comes
heated
detatch
prove the pragmatic practicals provide
as emotions can

it's time
to try to win
again because
the climb, the road
it doesn't end.
and when
you hit
your personal peak
you look upwards and onwards
and aim higher
because the worst thing
you can do for your self is to
be content with where you are
so once again
its time
to begin again

And now you'll always be in my memories
Never too far away, a perpetual influence
You are the moon and you pull me like ocean tides
And now you'll always stain my life in shades of your color

Always now I'm steeped in shades of you
Your likes and dislikes tinting rose the way my life is viewed
Not ever to be something I can touch but always seen
As it is you're too far from my reach.

If I love you, then I love you in parts
The parts of you that I know
Fill me with adulation
Or dislike depending the occasion

The parts of you I don't
Are things I not know or things that I missed
I am here loving you in parts
Despite that you have my heart of hearts

I despise you in bits in pieces and frames
And despite all that I still feel the same
And the same that I feel is absolute
Some sort of computation that doesn't compute.

If I love you in parts then it is deeply so
Each part of you is precious that you must know
I organized and gather my thoughts into stanza
I love you in parts it's becoming a mantra

I love you in parts you've taken my heart

im trying and im trying and im trying.
And that's the best I can do.

And one day I'll try enough
and that's when I'll show you.

Because I don't believe in myself yet.
Because I want to be proud of myself soon.
So I'm trying and I'm trying.
And I say I'm trying for you,

But I'm trying for me too.

do you mean it or do you just want me?
are you here to make lines on my naked skin
or to nestle your soul in between my heartbeats
do you mean it or do you just want me?

do you hitch my breath with butterfly kisses?
and do you shackle my spirit amorously
and do you bruise my skin with ferocious pucker
and do you see me so deep ardently

do you mean it or do you just want me?
to dance kisses downward on your neck
do you mean it or do you just want me?
to sit with you as time wanders through us
do you mean it or do you just want me?

If I were to meet you in a dimly lit room
where the lights dim low with purpose,
would you lean close to me and whisper with me intimacy?

If I were to meet you in a dimly lit room
when the sky looms sea slate grey,
would you smile me a private gaze with untold joy?

If I were to meet you in a dimly lit room
with the music pulsing just too loud,
would you place your touch on me and command my heartbeat to your fingertips?

If I were to meet you in a dimly lit room
while my blood flows with thick spirit and your scent swirls spirals,
would you let me breath you in like the only air I know?

If I were to meet you in a dimly lit room,
would I be yours?

good morning light flits through the curtains
creeping softly touching bed sheets
that warmly tenderly press upon
the body sleepily waking.

muscles stretch and soft skin tightens
arms overhead as the morning brightens
yawns and soft murmurs bubble to surface
as the city awakens together with purpose

gold morning grows brighter now
as the sun rises higher and the world wakens together
there's the pull as slumber loses its lover
to the day that steals it away

A name in my thoughts
Reminds when I want forgot
I wish it were more

girl with great eyes
limpid like a sunrise
beauty one might surmise
ardent almost idolize

woman of wild hair
defiant vivid without care
queen imperious conquer the air
a simply stupendous affair

boy of dignified face
countenance aristocratic grace
the goal artists chase
one to set heartbeats apace

smile so kindly warmth aplenty
welcome slowly simply gently
invite and guile tremendous friendly
something to treasure, love intently

I come in the quiet to you in the dark
I come with ennui to you in my heart
I come to you soul
I yearn to be your whole

Let loose earthly tether, simply open
Let loose heady vapor, take flight again
Let loose clearly clear, flow freely
Let me be yours truely

Begin in the center open to oneness
Approach the blossoming flower
Metamorph the self color to color
Cycle the void to totality

Synthesize concatenate and verbalize
Magnanimate, bombasticize, ennunciate
obfuscate, shadow, hide
but touch, feel, and show