scented candles and red wine
thunderstorm ponderous overhead
slow songs with crooning vocals
talking about sad things and fond loves
dangling in that emotive twilight
one bit furious red passion
one bit somber violet sedentary
thinking about the human condition

are you the cure to my depression
or are you just another haplessly poured drink
are you the validation of all my turbulent emotion
or am I stupefied on the couch in soporific unthink
do I imagine you cradling me and loving me dearly
or am I falling asleep alone dreaming when I am going to meet you
do I lament the way your absence makes it hard to think clearly
or am I variously intoxicated to substitute a love lost true
do I descend downwards and downwards
as I enter the catacentre
and the succor so divine lingers a touch away
imbibe, partake, delight
and become unfeeling
or perhaps all too feeling

there was a lumpy brown couch against the wall of the living room
I sat on beige carpet facing beige wall and couch
light scattered by the pale yellow lamp in the corner
it was upholstered in tough fabric stitched with white diamond brocades punctuated by little red and blue squares
my mother and father somewhere behind me in the kitchen
the squat brown coffee table draped with delicate white cloth sat in between me and the couch
we were just beginning back then, my family and I
and sometimes my nascent memories of this home
happen to intrude upon my thoughts
and I capture this image with fond words
like an awestruck lepidopterist
as the vision in my head flutters like his subject
cherished for as long as it is mine

were I to be strong,
it would be due to your love
alas, supposition

thank you for being the you that you were
from the me that needed the you that you were
and if the you that you are is not the you that you were
the me that I am still has that heartfelt gratitude
for being the person that made me a better person
and I could wax onwards and upwards
using simile and synechdoche
to praise and emphasize the profundity of your influence
but I find what befits my personality more
is a humble and sombering thank you

easy bits open, in, down, and next
browse, peruse, idly select
amuse, delight, disgust abject
oversized, crunch, munch, and ruminate
give a glazed gaze and a bemused musing
there's another little bit
oh isn't that nice
it's so perfect
bite sized
delight

sometimes i feel like what i do is not enough
that feeling eats me up inside
i agonize, over analyze to the point of emotional homicide
so i stumble and scramble for the words to apologize
but it's not about me it's about how i failed you
it's about me because i need to make this right
but i need to care for you and it's terrible tonight
so as much as it is me that might
be breaking at the seams and barely able to bear
i am there to be what i can for you
because i'm alright i promise this is nothing to me
because if it was something to me
someone would need to care about me
and i can't afford that so it's nothing to me
nothing in the sense that you may lay it on me
and i will provide
and I, and I, because I, and me and me and me
I frighten myself with my ego
so I tuck it away the best I can
and let it seep in my thoughts as the liquor surges my veins