hazelnut crunch
salted pretzel
extra dark chocolate
burnt caramel drizzle
A satisfaction unmatched
lingers on my tongue
a shame I ate the last one

The good thing
about aging is
receiving fewer calls
that command decoration
of an otherwise dull
daily routine.
Details of
the made-up cake I ate,
an extravagant meal.
Dreaded jokes
about added wisdom
fooling no one;
we're all just feigning, fading.
Over and over again.
So ordinary.  

Let's be honest.
There's only been one change
since that last conversation
exactly a year ago -
a heavier number.
One more ring in this stump
that awaits its demise,
its call-to-fame.
Cut down one day
put to use
shredded to paper;
transformed into
another dollar-pizza box
like the one I just stuffed
into an overflowing Manhattan trash can.

let's stay horizontal
entwined
feeding
off each other's sweat
and wholesome lies

lay on top of me
deadweight
until its safe

Breathe in.
Stare up.
The crack,
inches close.
Will it halt
before the clouds
seep through
and seize my room?
Wait and watch,
I'd rather not.
Till tomorrow,
ignore
like all other
pending problems
Sit up.
Breathe out.

Can you capture,
can you get away?
he asked patiently
appearing harmless, helpful
like a sensei

I sat in thought
nervous about my next move
trying to focus on the box in play,
just as he had taught me
ignorantly paying no mind
to the soon-to-be-queen
brewing in a distant plane
A pawn, but only in disguise
stealthily eyeing its next **** 

I looked to him for guidance
but his demeanor had quickly changed
his eyes, no longer looking so kind

My fingers froze, my chest compressed
I thought to myself
can I capture, can I cower?

As it turned out, my next move
would be futile no matter
So I took my pieces and walked away
I was no good at playing games anyway

Last breath
The end
Chest open
Inhale
Three
Two
One
Let go
Be gone

The house was being emptied
as we exchanged laughs
talking about
our first cigarettes

Tattered books, toys, plans
placed on the curb for grabs
as I timidly reached for your hand
hoping that new memories could mask
those of the twelve years past

I lick my lips slowly
savoring each molecule that's left
still confident
in my choice to cut back
all the while unaware
that I'm already trapped

sticky
sweet
addicting
withholding
no different than the rest

curtained behind
a dubious smile
watching, waiting
to provide
temporary pleasure
then cater
to another

Three times now
I've washed my hands
and still feel its trace
maybe I'll try
agave next

A few hours of elation
followed by weeks of self-deprecation
Here I am
in trouble again

At least now the greens are gone
soon I’ll even be rid of the bottle
but letting go of our playful banter
is punishment I don’t want to handle

So go ahead and tax me
for pretending there ever was a “you and me”

Washed up on the beach
barely breathing
she had travelled far
beyond the Andes
north of the equator
into cooler waters

At seven-feet-wide
it was hard to comprehend
how she'd gone so long unexposed
So they called her Hoodwinker
for often she deceived
those who tried
to get under her skin

Found too late,
and far from home
they assumed she took a wrong turn
"How lonely, strange"
they said
unaware that she just sought
her own path instead

Later they'd learn some things
from her sturdy skeleton
but they'd never know her side
of the life that she so staunchly chose

Bruised, bare
leave me with my blanket
while I build a tougher layer

The floor is still wet you see
and my ankles are just too weak
for the slippery mess out there

Give me some time
I'll try to decompress
though currently, Cynicism
has me tangled in her nest

I’m going to close the blinds now
to be at my own mercy
Don't be alarmed
if you don't hear from me

Your timing is impeccable
ready when needed
but willing to wait
Your curves
are enviously symmetrical
How do you manage
to stay in shape?
You're too good for me,
I know
but I love you so
teeny tiny avocado

A pillar
spitting out poetry
as we exchanged our last words
unbeknownst to me
How comical
that we met at a place
called Make Believe

If you could capture
all of your tears
do you think they'd fill a bowl?
A bucket?
A bath?
Or
do you think they'd drown the sea?

Every birthday
I would wish you'd get better
only to be sitting here today
in front of my black forest cake
knowing it was time
to wish for you to die

I thought that sleep would be the best way
to temporarily forget

until I heard your voice in my dreams
and woke up in a sweat

knowing that after tomorrow
I'd never hear it again

I don't mind
that you fed me compliments
with vapid niceties

I don't mind
that you kissed me
between bars

I don't mind
that you grazed my thigh
with your unafraid palms

I don't mind
that you held my hand
while painting falsehoods
of our future

But I hate
that I ate it all up

The bamboo presses
against my sun-burnt back
but your lips serve well
to distract
as we tumble beneath
the coconut tree
that you say has killed three

Cowering away
from the biting sun
the teddy bear sighs

By the end of the night
not even friction
can help me
from slipping
(pale porcelain waiting for some company)

I hate it
The whole time
I think to myself,
never again, never again
(as I lean over his cold body)

But I close my eyes
and soon enough
it’s Friday again

So I reach into the cupboard for
a tall glass and
before I know it
there I am
(in that familiar awkward embrace)

Remember that swan trapped in the ice?
How we helped set her free?
Some day, I hope someone
does that
for me

So deceiving
were the
subtle movements,
the conversation
that kept me
thinking,
the different
perspective
I thought I
was getting.
It’s almost funny,
how
for a moment
I was duped –
bright-eyed,
optimistic.
Almost.