I wonder when
I stopped being
your favorite

Arizona sunsets
all encompassing hugs
a stranger's compliment
a familiar, once-lost song
fleetingly transport
to a time before
before yearning, before loss
Moments that quench my thirst
and remind me
I'm right where I belong

If only they added up
and made up for
the seemingly missing -
a pair of lips pressed against mine
someone to share the mundane
For now I embrace this
Hopper-esque combination
of peace and melancholy
nostalgia and (be)longing
hoping these little joys
will be more than enough

I can't put my finger on this feeling
Is it mine alone
or is it a part of life
like the sun's extended escape?
Will it pass with the clouds
in a few days
or has the climate permanently changed?
And how do I accept the latter, learn
to revel in the freedom
embrace my body pillow, and rise
with a smile on my face
knowing that choices
are endless and all mine
without wondering about how
the grass may be greener in pairs?

A single earring
maybe a sock
a smidge of pride
perhaps for the best
Lo que pasó
lost
dispensable
so we thought

In the shadows of my mind
somewhere behind
useless facts and birth dates of
those no longer in my life
I hope to excavate
memories of childhood
distant comforts
like after-school walks 'round the block
cozy movie nights, three on the couch
follow-up recaps over lunch
whiffs of my mother's Indian cooking
met with scoffs
sounds of crickets at dusk
and more non-events that have led me
to these renewed moments of musing

I've never believed in meant to be
just happenstance
that swallows me whole
and sharpens each blow
each time I'm let down
Today I wipe away another tear
and think to myself
how sweet it would be
to share a bed
with destiny

I can't let go
of the day when everything was tinted gold
and the sun felt a little warmer
those 18 hours
when I felt so wanted
reacquainted with hope
formerly buried beneath
layers of disappointment
Now I find myself
chasing that high over and over
and catching whiffs of sweet cherries
that kissed your neck
that one night together we spent