Maybe sad is my home
and thats why I walk myself
down the same criss-cross roads
day after day
visiting the bar we first grazed hands
where I fleetingly felt hope
the tight space under my parents bed
where I laid to avoid getting slapped
the hospital room in the Heights
where I said goodbye to what of her was left
the Airbnb, advertised as charming and cozy
where I tossed his toothbrush hours after his last breath
maybe sad is home
because it is all I know

You talked in poetry
And I leaned in closer with each line
Another day, another act of folly
Reset only with prose and sunrise

I wave to the water
To the trees
Foregoing another year gone by
Seemingly stagnant, other than time
Freeing the should-haves and if-onlys
The defeat
I wave to the stones
To the leaves
Acknowledging uncertainties
Repainted as possibilities
Inviting warmth and will-bes
And relinquishing ennui

Sick of defending my worth
while you're constantly complaining,
putting on a show.
Our castle is made of toothpicks, look closer
And I'm done rebuilding after each one of your blows.
We know we're not changing
so spare me the side hugs - let's cut our losses.
I'll lie here scattered amongst the others who fell short, content
as you revel in your face-value ties, buying friendships
emerald for emerald, eye for eye
seeing who you can impress next
til daddy's bank runs dry

She listens
but does she care
the woman who's always there
a peeping Tom, interrupting as she wishes
like your drunk aunt at Christmas
unaware and incoherent
doing her best nonetheless

Let's talk more about nothing
See where it takes us
From the bed to the couch to the floor
I'll explore your bumps and bruises
But won't dare hold your hand
Cover your body in kisses
And pretend I'll never care

Envelop me in your octopus arms
Tickle me with your tresses
And I'll worship you 'til my days are gone
And my sorrows undone