With the door shut
when I allowed you to
step into my world
when I gave you the
privilege to see my nakedness
I thought you had an understanding
I imagined that you were excited
because you saw yourself  in
feminine form
the missing part of you
I learned later that
I was only a different
different girl with
a different name.

I close my eyes
and I
hold you
in my heart
in my dreams
its a  repetitve habit  
that makes me happy
How can I turn it off
How can I stop it .

I see you
I see your need for  
connection
love  
I see your  brillance  
I enjoy your  humor  
I love your presence
I am grateful  for your protection
your form of affection
that shifts into
defiance  and rebellion
when your'e not
recieved
valued
listened to
appreciated  
I see you
it makes me unhappy
my world is dim
when your are
oppressed
depressed
stressed
with cuts and  bruises on your hands
and a world on your shoulders
that is becoming out of control
everyday by gross darkness
only you to carry the blame
shame
truth is
the destruction was here
before we both were created
I will say  
Our world
would be obsolete
totally incomplete
without you.

I have  trouble some days  
just functioning doing the simple things
I become trapped in  colors  
ideas  and thoughts  
the journey of a storyteller .

I am uncertain about my distress
Why do I feel that way today ?
I wonder is it the desperation  of missing you
causing my heart to feel like a weighty sandbag  
or is it things to come underneath  arising to the surface.

Her steady beam of love was unsettling , and she had never dropped those
expressions of affection that had been so loveable in her childhood. - T. Morrison

A thin man in a green suit
pasty pale complexion
narrow face outlined by
a black trimmed beard  
He knocks on the doors
standing in the way of dreamers
his bony fingers tapping
out a rhythm upon a clear plane

While he hums a tune
you should trust in God
he has no soul  
and he is constantly
in search for mine.