WHEN YOU LOSE A LOT OF BLOOD YOU FIND SOMETHING TOO
AND MAYBE FILING THROUGH MY TORN UP SKIN EVERY NIGHT FOR A MONTH TAUGHT ME SOMETHING
NO MATTER HOW LONG I STUDY THE CURVATURES OF MY TEARS I WILL NOT FIND THE WORDS YOU WROTE SCRIPTED ON THEM
I WANT TO BELIEVE YOU ARE A PART OF ME AND WE ARE ONE BUT HOW CAN WE BE ONE IF YOU ARE 6 FEET UNDERGROUND AND TRYING TO DRAG ME DOWN WITH YOU
I AM AWARE THAT MORE BRUISES SCATTER MY BODY THAN THE STARS THAT FILL THE SKY
AND I AM AWARE THAT YOU CAUSED THEM
BUT SOMEDAY I WILL COME TO THE BITTER REALIZATION THAT THESE BRUISES DO NOT SIGNIFY ANYTHING MORE THAN SELF-ABUSE AND PITY
AND ONCE I COME TO THIS REALIZATION I WILL BREAK OUT OF THE GRIP YOU HAVE CAST AROUND MY NECK
I WILL BE HAPPY
AND I WILL FINALLY FEEL ALIVE

one time I let a boy finger me in the gas station bathroom. he bought me a coke after. We never talked again.

I check the lost & found everyday because maybe you're hiding in the crevices of the box

my eyes are sunken and I swear ships have sailed on them sometimes they're bruised but I have learned to adore the color purple and you

i took a shot for every time you said I love you and faked it
my stomach was pumped

my shoes have holes in them but I won't replace them because they are familiar and I always run back to familiar

sometimes I play tic tac toe but if I run out of pencil & paper I use my skin

I painted you but I've never been good at expressing beauty so I ripped it

did you know my friend died

I'm going to find him soon

don't come searching for me

Although I doubt you'll even open the map

When the breeze is stagnant and the water is
still, maybe this is
a sign you should look up,
because if this world can stop the wind in
it's tracks, imagine what it could
do to the air in your lungs.
How many times have you pulled grass out of the ground while pondering what went wrong
Maybe if you listened harder to the breeze you could understand its telling you to never find comfort in boys who find more happiness in illicitly filled baggies than you
It could take me walking an entire desert to know
Love is not quite as easy as quicksand
and the more you try to keep your arms free,
the closer you'll be to missing something, but I'll always be walking

Maybe if i kiss you long enough, your coal lungs will soon have you breathing diamonds
and you'll tell me that the
buildings of flame that uproot themselves
inside of my chest have been built
so I could get used to the smoke
You remind me of freedom
and you possess more than the 50 stars that stamp our flag
I hope you know i'd get lost in your eyes
and i'd burn every map i owned
just to stay a little longer
I hope when you realize that i am as empty as the ghost towns in old western movies you dance in the dirt instead of leaving
Some days I'll poke holes in my umbrella
because i need to stop shielding myself from things that don't hurt me
So when you hear me praying for a flood,
just know it's not because you touch me like a famine
you don't have to go
you don't have to stop signing your name on my back
like you did when you signed a receipt
and you don't have to return me even when you are finished
because i belong to you even if you do not belong to me

I have arms made of china that break whenever you let go
I am an alignment of stars that you seem to disregard for the moon
I hold ownership of waterfalls for eyes
I have a body made of one-hundred sheets of college ruled notebook paper that kids like me used to make scrapbooks out of
I am a collection of bruises holding up photos of a Father's fist,
My hands were only made to hold those who feel empty when not holding a glass of wine

I visited the empty parking lot you took me to every weekend. It wasn't lonely when i was with you but when the single flickering streetlight illuminates my shaky fingers at the thought of you, I feel so incredibly empty but heavy at the same time. I remember when you told me you wanted the rest of my life, so believe me when I say you got it. They never tell you ****** is not always by the hand of someone clutching a gun or a knife. ****** is not just a rope around your neck or a poison in your drink. ****** is on the tip of his tongue and in between his thighs. Believe me when I say the moment I shed blood for you every vibrant light in my body grew dark and every part of me died.

YOU TRIED TO TEACH ME ALOT OF THINGS
LIKE HOW TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH THE FLOOR
AND THAT I WAS THE MOST PRODUCTIVE THERE
AS THOUGH PLEASURING YOU FROM MY KNEES
WAS ANY INDICATOR OF MY SELF WORTH
BUT I HAVE DISCOVERED MANY THINGS FROM THIS VANTAGE POINT
I HAVE NOTICED A CRACK IN THE FLOORBOARD
AND HOW THIS CRACK SHOWS FAULT IN THE CONSTRUCTION OF THIS HOME
YOU CANNOT BUILD ME FROM THE BOTTOM UP THEN EXPECT ME TO NOT QUIVER FROM THE WEIGHT YOU HAVE PUT ON MY SHOULDERS
BUT I WILL HEAVE THE WEIGHT
AND I WILL LIFT MYSELF OFF MY KNEES
(IT WAS ALWAYS A POWERFUL POSITION)
AND I WILL TRANSFORM THIS SINGLE CRACK INTO MILLIONS
I WILL USE THE STRENGTH INSIDE ME I NEVER KNEW I HAD
I WILL DUST IT OFF WITH SHAKY HANDS
AND I WILL BREAK THE UNSTABLE HOME YOU CREATED FOR ME
BECAUSE IF YOU TAUGHT ME ANYTHING
IT WAS THAT MY KNEES COULD WITHSTAND HOURS ON ROUGH WOOD
AND I WILL USE THESE EXACT SAME KNEES TO EXTINGUISH THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE