there were a few citizens resting high on my shoulders,
wishing me sweet nights and mellow days,
i learnt to juggle so they could stay perched safely over my body.
my back yells sometimes, at me but never them, about how their houses are made of bricks and their bricks are made of pain,
i dont listen, i keep on going,
the little people need me to protect their houses
and if my shoulders can be tough enough
to make them warm and happy,
shouldn't they, then?

fall, get back up, fall again,
get backer up,
made of stone at this point
this tough little guy, the pretty fellow
God who the **** allowed you to
let him trip like this,
the dumb little thing,
the stupid dust speck,
watch him stumble again and again,
won't he just get tired of
the ground kissing both his cheeks,
won't you leave him breathe

it's not quite summer and i feel like a fridge
holding on to every fruit and tomato lying around,
protecting them from the harsh rays of the sun
keeping them fresh away from the annoying flies lazing around the kitchen

store all your greasy little remnants of food in my belly,
give me all your forgotten leftovers,
no gift is a waste to me, pretty fridge that i am, I'll cherish them all like cold little treasures.

and when i get *****, when the glass stops being shiny,
the stains like flower fields on every single one of my walls,
the colors or the fruits not so sweet anymore,
i know that i won't be pampered, won't be held precious like an infant,
the plates will still be stacked, the paint will still peel off,
i feel like that summer fridge, yes,
unable to help myself.

puzzle pieces, isn't that interesting
the ultimate dream of them all, to fit in perfectly with
someone else, be as one, form something bigger,

what if i am no puzzle, or no piece,
what if i am the whole puzzle, ate all the pieces.
wouldn't i choke,
would the other piece suffocate me or
would i be the one breaking your windpipe with just how heavy my love can be,

i have been many many things and yet just one and i want to eat peaches with my mother in the summer heat when the wood of our outdoor table starts to burn and the wind picks up but it's too warm, so warm,
and i'll get sweaty but i'll be happy,
what if she was my puzzle piece,
created the whole game then let me paint it however i wanted,
i don't understand belonging. maybe i want to belong.
maybe it scares me,
maybe the peach can eat my fears instead.

for a long time i thought i had to be deserving of love, good enough for it
stupid ******* thought
you are loved or you aren't yet.
not a choice, an award or anything like that,
it just is
just happens,
easy or not.

at first i was the side dish, the banquet was full with only you two and i did not understand your spark. i was in love with part of the meal and your addition left me feeling hollow, jealous, and lost. i thought, what am i bringing to the table. what am i.

then, we tried to be tied together, through sheer force of will. she loved me and she loved you, and why not bring two planets together and create a whole system, and who else but her can be strong enough to move comets. and so we moved, didn't collide at first, i admit. back then i was still lonely and scared, still hated myself more than i realized. i liked you enough to stay, but i didnt like me enough to try. so the planets turned, and the creator waited, and me, i found other stars to play with.

i don't remember much about how it went. i know you tried so hard to make me speak, and i barely did. i was too far gone in my own head back then, couldn't stand existing around people without having a meaning. but you tried. and i ended up speaking. the planets, they have hearts too, but the rock is so thick, the core so protected, layers and layers and layers..

at some point, it got too much to be alone, probably. i was okay with it, because i've been alone so long and all i needed was to find me.
but you, you couldn't take it. the creator offered you something so brave and then got it back piece by piece. this is what hurt you the most, right ? the replacement. the second place. you can't stand it, to be tossed aside. but i saw it in you then ; the planet's core. and i wanted so badly to touch it.

we turned and turned, around each other, planet to planet, alive. you needed a rock, and i was solid enough. you didn't love me yet, i think, but i loved you already. i fell into your orbit, didn't realize the fall would hurt. the comfort i brought you ended up hurting me back. i wasn't the banquet, i wasn't the galaxy, the creator, the first hand to reach for you, i wasn't grand, wasn't bright, wasn't enough for you. but i tried so hard. i tried so hard and i lost myself in it. i became the replacement meal, not as good as the first, not as alluring, but it feeds you, right ? it's good enough to settle hunger. not the best, i know, but the only one who stayed.

and so it went. i was hurting. for one reason or the next, my orbit is always a chaos and you just added to the mess. i saw your core, but could not understand how it loved. surely, it could not love me. but i was wrong, i know now. you loved me for me. what i gave you, it was me too. and the orbit we danced around, it was ours, and not yours only. opened my heart to you, served on a platter, and waited for you to give me yours too.

we did collide then, didn't we. i was the galaxy, pulled you in, held you close, protected you like you protected me. we burned too bright, blinded everyone around us. it's okay, they'll watch and learn, they will. i told you i loved you first, and waited for you to be ready. the waiting used to be so hard, but i trust you now, and i trust me too, you see the galaxy in me and i do too, just like i see in you.

i'm afraid now. not for us, stupid lovebirds that we are, because i will never stop chosing to dance in our orbit. no, i'm afraid for you. i want everyone to love you as much as i do. i want you to love them too. i hope you will. i hope your heart soars, lets the stars out and shine brighter than any sun. hope we grow and expand and love,
even more.

body so frail, yet holding so much
a little place for everyone in every corner,
body so tough, keeping you all safe inside,
holding me up, making me breathe easier,
body so loved, sure not by me but still,
letting me live.
i say thank you to its creator,
and its living creatures.

sometimes i dont know why you keep me around,
i feel like all my words bring you is bitterness,
as if by telling you about how much love i receive from friends who don't bring you quite as much
i will only leave you thirsty for water you were given once but
was taken back too harshly for your
delicate hands.

i love you, and i hope you see it,
that you feel it every single time i breathe but
what good am i if i only bring you sorrow.
please, tell me,
how many times have i hurt you,
and why won't you let me go then.