The sun has been shining a little brighter and the flowers are starting to regain their glow, the rivers are de freezing and the snow is slowly melting
Your favourite lilies in my hand smell heavenly, how ironic
The mud beneath my knees is cold and I can feel your smile on it
I can't help but wonder
How are you? Are you happy?
Is it true what they tell me?
Are you truly in a better place?
Are you dancing with an angle and drinking elixir up there?
I hope you are
Down here though,
I still feel frozen in that cold December of last year
I still hear your mellifluous laugh in the cold midnight breeze
I still feel your presence on the vacant side of the bed
But, as the sun gets warmer and the flowers regain their colour
I think I will be fine;
Maybe,
I will even convince myself that you are indeed in a better place
And,
That maybe you miss me a little too.

The letters you used to send me initially,  were naughty and young
Thrown at my window or slid under my door
But somehow , someday,
They started being delivered by a man in a uniform
I remember
There was a blue roofed house on the postcard you sent me, it was filled with promises you couldn't keep
The letters, they told me stories
They talked about how you would like to live in a blue roofed house with me
Once, they told me how, when you get the chance to come back you'd hold me in your arms, love me the way I deserved and how you would show me the world
Another time, the letters reminded me of my past with you,
About the time when we used to walk hand in hand on the cobbled bridge at night where you told me your dreams
Then they reminded me of the time you kissed me on the roof of my house
But,
The unfulfilled promises, the sweet kisses and the memories are only ink and paper now, which sit inside a box on top of my cupboard
And,
The blue roofed house is a mere fantasy that rests on a paper beneath my pillow.

The iridescent ocean glimmered under the moon's soft glow
Our laughs laced with love and humor, mixed with the wet winds of the night as we raced the waves
Sand on our bodies , salt in our hair
And stars in our eyes
We looked at each other with enough love to make even the moon shy
Salty kisses and sandy touches were the only things on our minds
We were in a lavender haze under the midnight sky
We wished that the evil clock of time could stop in this very moment
Where,
It felt like maybe, just maybe, heaven was real.

Felt the ghost of your kisses on my neck
As I danced with your silhouette
To cigarettes after ***

It was late
But we were drunk on love' and wine
And
I laughed as your soft breath tickled my ear as you whispered sweet nothings

As the night sky got darker
You held onto me like you never wanted to let go
But when I tried to hold onto you
Your form combusted in a millon tiny fragments and dissipated into thin air
And I was left clutching onto emptiness

Eyes glazed over with dreams
I cried tears of remembrance
With a wine glass in my hand
I danced with your silhouette.

You weave
through my dreams,
like stars
through the infinite sky,
in the dark, beaming,
and I feel your light
all through the night,
by the morning
your presence is dimming.
And I am falling
into the darkness
just to wake up
and never remember you,
so is the dream.
And in the waking hours,
there is nothing to find,
there is nothing to lose,
so I fall asleep
to find you,
and the painful truth.

All I did was gaze at you
But you looked at me worried
And then you touched my face
And gently wiped the tears that had somehow managed to betray my eyes and run down my cheeks
' don't cry for me...everything is over I am in a better place' you said
And I believed you
Then you leaned down and looked at my lips
As if asking for my permission
I met you in the middle
and as if the stars colliding I felt every emotion
I felt like I was swimming in the excelsior of life and youth
We parted
And you gazed at me
And I knew right then and there
That
This was where I want to be forever.