I walked through the town as an invisible ball of pain. And I said not a single word to you.

To that boy I saw today laughing

You are a child
You hurt people
You are reckless, selfish
And you feel like a grenade

And I just wanted to cut myself

I wanted to cut myself to release the feeling I had

I can understand the unfixable turmoil inside those who wish to die. The pain too great to bear. Like a soul inside a claustrophobic unresponsive submarine. Not knowing that oblivion will **** them out if they press the metal to their pumping veins, breathless, voiceless throats. You hurt me and make me feel like a motherless child. No. Worse. Like a childless mother.
When I

Am an INCOMPREHENSIBLE GODDESS

UNSINKABLE, UNTHINKABLE.

UNQUENCHABLE

God
I hate the pain you feel

That you can hurt someone who loved you and cast away a tiny beautiful thing.

But I am darkness
I am empty places
After regret has plunged it's icy blade between both of yours

I am rocks on a harbor
with no lighthouse
I am sorrow
I am rage
And a thousand angry mama bears
I am a clear winter sky

So deep so cold so empty.
I would swallow you whole

Beware child

Mind

Where you Step

They say
"You look like her!"
But they don't really know what she is
And neither do I
Her sunken turquoise eyes are rarely open
Her thin mouth moves and food that has dried around her lips never finds its way in.

She has stopped eating.

She looks hollow

She looks like the end has come and she's still waiting by the door

Beckoning the scythe
But death has not taken her hand

She whimpers and smiles

And sleeps for days


I do love you
But loving and grieving and dying and living

They are not the same

Like my hand on yours
We are just bones
Then stories

Then silence
And time spent
On forgetting to live
And delaying to die

I do look like her
same cheek bones
Same nose
But different stories

Because hers she told so many times that it told her how the rest would go

And my story is untold
So boldly I unfold my life in front of me.
All the steps are open towards infinite grace

But all we are, is bones then stories, then silence except for the sound of the door
When I say goodbye for the last time

Sailing away

In my boat build for two

Cut down the anchor

Bailed the water
i'm through

And a new tide will take me

Because i leave you behind

You're love like the seasons
Conditioned with pain
Will rasp and fade
Only hurt remain

And i don't feel safe in your arms anymore
Nor will i with another, my bruises still sore

I'm sailing my boat built for two by myself

I'm alright with this,
More space on my shelf

More time for the music
The song of the sky

The chopping of waves
Rebirth ocean sigh

And i love you like the moon and the stars and the sea

But your love is conditional
And it won't abide me

So i sail in my ship,
To islands that hum
With exciting new secrets
Unknown lovers yet to come

But if i think of you fondly from time to time

When the clouds cast me in shadow
And remember a rhyme

I remember your love
Was too good to be true

So i sail in my ship
That was once built for two

If time is a tube,
my life is a spiral,
A snail shell,
Sea creature,
Peculiar and Viral

and I work hard and move fast and time gets quicker,
slicker, with the blink of an eye and the tapping of a finger.

The day off that i was supposed to have
but you cancelled it out
and penciled in other plans.

My time is meaningless, it belongs to someone else, but the faster i go, the smaller it gets, the inside out feeling,
of living without rest.

Time continues without me, i know this is true
yet the fact that I'm lonesome doesn't account for the glue,
that keeps me to my shoes and my shoes to the ground
and the world that keeps turning, with its ups and its downs.

But it's getting smaller, not the world but my life,

horizons are shrinking, cut away with my knife.
That cuts cake for my customer, and slices my bread,
till one day it cuts me to my bones till its said;

She sleeps with the fishes,
he muttered that to a girl
So the poem made sense, but all in a whirl
my poem is splotchy and dusty with time,

that keeps shrinking and shrinking,
until the last rhyme.

"I love you."
"I love you too!"
"I wanna give you the universe."
"We can share it. With everyone."

I bought it.

I bought it for more then i thought it would cost me.

And now it's all drawn, this month long purple line.

Will it take me? Will i be shaped and morphed and molded?

Can i come back bigger and better then i was?

Time to ride the paper airplane, and loose myself again

Adventures come, just like the tides

Lick my finger and check the wind.

Pages filled, photos trace the truth in tiny flecks of ink.

And I become lonesome in my perfect joy.

Joyful in my contented solitude.

And maybe a boy named Jesus with skin like the first
He'll kiss my eyes and smell like a perfect storm

and that can be my brief tomorrow.

Sinful sleep and fruit from stands.

and songs and magic of holding hands.

I can paint you in a few short strokes,

Imagined, designed, fleshed out in passionate paint.

I'll enjoy my time, i truly will.

Our tiny window of creating and consummating.

Relating, remembering, expressing, then releasing.

Then i have done what i can.

It's not my own anymore.

Maybe this work never was.