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 Nov 2013 xxx
M
i.
when will my hopes
become existent enough to pour out
                       words of sincerity  
to speak of a genuine warmth filling my chest
instead of the lines full of teenage angst
and the desperate cries of prisoners inside me
                       who are trying to escape
all I can think of are cliché sayings
that tell of gloomy times
occasionally ending with half-hearted
                       attempts at optimism
does that please them?

ii.
I give enough of myself away
that I am kept from prevailing
but keep enough behind my dialated pupils
                       and shaky hands
to never be trodden on or crushed to dust
I sometimes murmur the thoughts that
                       clamor my mind
but barely above a whisper because they will be misunderstood

iii.
reflections hit me seemingly everywhere I turn
the images on the water’s surface
the gaunt faces that stare back at me in the
                       broken glass
when I look into my sister’s eyes they
                       slap me in the face  
these are the many people I used to be

iv.
I want to be that person
that soul
who filled me to the brim
                       when I was shaking remains of
                       mulch out of my scuffed up sneakers
and running off to seek boundless amounts
                       of a word that never escapes my mouth anymore
I don’t want to be known for
spewing out pink pieces of pathetic misery
                       onto the white carpet
No one truly wants a sad girl
the reality is that they are not mysterious and full
                       of dark beauty
at least I am not

v.
I carry an expertise
of driving myself into a dark hole
making it powerful enough to either
                    drag others in or ****** them out
someone gets hurt either way  
I leave the classic images of sorrow
                    and dark-lined eyes
for my own destiny
I consist of burrowing under my covers
Laying unconscious until the sun disappears from my view
Inspired by Vestigial cleats on derelict streets by Lauren Lamarca.
 Nov 2013 xxx
Jenna B
I'm MINE
 Nov 2013 xxx
Jenna B
Who am I?*
To you-
I'm the pin cushion for all the weak fumbling shots
I'm a bundle of nerves from all your panic
Your panic
Your pin cushion
Your mannequin, shaping  as you please
Up and down over and over
Late and hard
Your cupboard of insecurities
All your words too big for everyone else to hear
the ones you save for me,  
'cause you always knew I wouldn't fight back
All your fists and bruises that you echo
onto me
my skin
my hurt
ME
*******

I'm my own being and this isn't yours
I'm the darkness in my head, and the sunshine in the day
I know because the clouds never reach my hands
only ever brushing my thoughts and leaving them cold
I'm my own worst enemy, and my only best friend
Confidant and abuser, I know how to keep myself awake
Nocturnal and alive- you made me love the night
and the darkness to cover up the secrets
Now I'm living in MY day, MY life
dancing in the sunshine, letting the world know
let them see your ugly secrets

I know me more than you ever will
I'm the lock on my door and you aren't invited
I'm the key to my heart and I know how I work
You won't pick this lock again,
I'm saving my love and life for something else
not to be chained to somebody like you
I'm connecting now to people who know me
and allow me to work through myself before they push themselves in
Unlike you- who tore into my life with such a vengeance that it  broke my ability to trust all together
Until I met people who helped mend me, without even knowing it
Who smile and laugh with me
They seem to like me for me, and appear
to genuinely want me to be better tomorrow
Friends who believe that I can shine instead of stamping me to ashes

It's like clockwork in my head now, and I know how this will end
a crazy messy kind of order that you will never understand
I'm the noose around my neck,
but I know how to untie
the pretty bow you keep me trapped with
I'm my own cartographer, creating my mountains and climbing them
I'm mine
and you claim to be my creator but those are only words
I am a child of this Earth, and a mind of my own
designed by the elements and a God more powerful than your blows
given to you, entrusted to you
to take care of, not kick down  
I'M MINE
not yours to play with
I won't be your punch bag, *** toy, secret or
******* victim anymore
I'm me,
My thoughts are mine to treasure
my body is mine to nurture
and maybe I don't know
'who I am' yet
I just know that I am definitely
not yours.
 Nov 2013 xxx
wandabitch
Around the coals we gather to warm are tired souls
Brothers singing of all life's woes
And dear old sawyer and his lady go on their way
Towards the west and memory lane.
I bid adieu to these travelers and the heated night
One day we will find peace in our drunken blight
To the poet and their thoughtful muse
To the guitarist and their twanging tune
To the smoker with a hazy mind
And the couple rekindled in Octobers fire.
These dry leaves blow in and out of winters hollow, hope dear readers you make the best of tomorrow.
 Nov 2013 xxx
wandabitch
Monday
 Nov 2013 xxx
wandabitch
its raining
I kicked a hole in the wall
imprinteing my madness
like a urge.
lost my job today
but
at least I have a hero.
who took all my tears
frustration and fears
and threw them out
like salty fries.
at my bosses car, and the parking lot.
he covered me with his tin foil hat
as courage turned from pain.

god I love Mondays
what a day.
 Nov 2013 xxx
Love
I have a secret,
That only a few know,
They think its just marks,
But its my pain that shows.
I have a secret,
That I like to hide.
People will judge,
And I can't handle that...
I have a secret,
But its becoming more obvious.
I dont even care anymore.
People see the marks...
I'm lost.
I'm just a lost little girl.
Too much for me to handle,
Too much stress,
So much pain.
So much pain that I just become numb.
 Nov 2013 xxx
Eulalie
Blooming
 Nov 2013 xxx
Eulalie
I've been trying to write something of substance for quite some time now,
trying to collect fresh thoughts from newer moments of you
and rearrange them into phrases that would gift me a new remarkable piece of the puzzle that is the immeasurable complexity of your soul.
I've been trying to bottle up this obtrusive, demanding feeling of utter awe that comes when you and I climb into our honesty and wear it to bed, side-by-side.
I've been trying to backtrack slightly, wishing so desperately (though stoically!) for the return of those painfully dire professions of unadulterated romance, reminiscing in the saturation of your love letters and how the color red is breathed into me time after time to remind me how powerfully you've shifted the balance of my life.
I love you, I love you, by god, do I love you.
My fears are still the same, though, Darling, and I feel that with the redness of passion shall also come a redness of a quality that pertains to homicidal gore,
for you have, still, that scalpel in your hands,
and my heart blooms every moment of my life, not for its love of me, but for the hope that it may one day bloom for the last time cradled in your blood-soaked palms.
I've been trying to say anything else for a week but nothing will break from the gates and give me a solid night's sleep anymore.
I can't tell you how mad you've actually made me.
Though I do dare to hope that I've evoked similar sentiments in you.
I've made my peace with it, I feel.
 Nov 2013 xxx
IAB
I carve into my skin-
Hopeless similes,
Accolades of caustic sin.
That take the form of love-stained lines:
Sentinel of society's confines.
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